Just a thought about Addicted Men
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Just a thought about Addicted Men
When we women begin to make a conscious choice against AM, do they stop becoming addicted to drugs/alcohol to get women? Just make it a boundry.
Sex is a powerful tool, is it as powerful as drugs?
Just a thought.
cb
PS Vicea versa - when you men stop choosing addicted women - will it force them to become sober to have a man? Frankly, I have not noticed any men on this site and will be anxious to see a response.
Sex is a powerful tool, is it as powerful as drugs?
Just a thought.
cb
PS Vicea versa - when you men stop choosing addicted women - will it force them to become sober to have a man? Frankly, I have not noticed any men on this site and will be anxious to see a response.
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They just move on.
My daughter told me shooting dilaudid was more powerful than any orgasm ever. She didn't even care about sex while using, she had drugs to not only replace it but surpass it. So no, it's not as powerful as abused drugs.
My daughter told me shooting dilaudid was more powerful than any orgasm ever. She didn't even care about sex while using, she had drugs to not only replace it but surpass it. So no, it's not as powerful as abused drugs.
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no, my addict is very happy single, and I've red too that drugs are "better" than sex for most of them. More than that, some drugs (like opiates) decrease can sex drive dramatically - not for all the same though, depends on each person and the DOC, doses etc..
but yeah, the answer is no
but yeah, the answer is no
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Just my humble opinion and please do not let me project my views onto you.
God help me, but I'm really a b%#*h about this...let them die in thier disease without the comfort of a woman. If a man (or a woman) prefers the company of drugs to the company of the opposite sex - let them die alone. Stop hooking up with these people. There is no reason.
cb
Maybe they will have the comfort of thier mother - but they certainly have chosen drugs over us.
God help me, but I'm really a b%#*h about this...let them die in thier disease without the comfort of a woman. If a man (or a woman) prefers the company of drugs to the company of the opposite sex - let them die alone. Stop hooking up with these people. There is no reason.
cb
Maybe they will have the comfort of thier mother - but they certainly have chosen drugs over us.
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Originally Posted by cb1504 
Sex is a powerful tool, is it as powerful as drugs?
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Chino, perhaps I should have used the word love in place of sex. Our tool boxes are filled with many different tools.
"being in the grip of a drug that takes over the body and the mind makes it EXCEEDINGLY difficult to discern that there IS any other choice"
Anvil, what stopped you - your body and your mind?
My apologies if anyone feels as if I've attacked them, it was not my intention to attack.
I still hate drugs and the selfish ways of drug addicts. I seem to be responding to them with selfishness. Hate is such a strong word, but it's where I am. If all a drug addict wishes for is the next hit - they certainly are in no need of the affections of a loving partner - but more so medical attention.
Loving someone with a disease, I suppose, depends on one's history with the person. People with cancer, aids, drug addicts, etc.
But why begin a relationship with someone who clearly is incapable of giving effectively to the relationship because all they are capale of doing is thinking of thier next high?
I really think we need to step away from the addicts and let the families and medical professionals do thier things.
cb
"being in the grip of a drug that takes over the body and the mind makes it EXCEEDINGLY difficult to discern that there IS any other choice"
Anvil, what stopped you - your body and your mind?
My apologies if anyone feels as if I've attacked them, it was not my intention to attack.
I still hate drugs and the selfish ways of drug addicts. I seem to be responding to them with selfishness. Hate is such a strong word, but it's where I am. If all a drug addict wishes for is the next hit - they certainly are in no need of the affections of a loving partner - but more so medical attention.
Loving someone with a disease, I suppose, depends on one's history with the person. People with cancer, aids, drug addicts, etc.
But why begin a relationship with someone who clearly is incapable of giving effectively to the relationship because all they are capale of doing is thinking of thier next high?
I really think we need to step away from the addicts and let the families and medical professionals do thier things.
cb
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I still hate drugs and the selfish ways of drug addicts.
But why begin a relationship with someone who clearly is incapable of giving effectively to the relationship because all they are capale of doing is thinking of thier next high?
"Fine, I will love them anyway."
You seem very angry cb, can you say why? Who has hurt you this much? Why are you in such pain?
Beth
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cb, I sincerely hope you find a way to work through the anger and hatred that you are feeling.
It's a horrible way to live. I know because I lived it.
Hatred and anger shut me off from the sunlight of the spirit.
I no longer allow anyone's addictions/alcoholism to rob me of peace of mind, joy, and a relationship with God.
It's a horrible way to live. I know because I lived it.
Hatred and anger shut me off from the sunlight of the spirit.
I no longer allow anyone's addictions/alcoholism to rob me of peace of mind, joy, and a relationship with God.
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All over the Map
WOW... this was a tough thread for me. I was all over the map on this one with my thank you's, but that's where my emotions are... all over the map!
1. I want to help my A recover.
2. But I don't want to be an enabler.
3. But will he do drugs again if I send him out of my home?
4. Or will he turn to drugs again if he DOES in fact get a job and have $$?
5. I'M not ready to put up with the pain of active addiction.
6. I'm angry I somehow hold MYSELF responsible for the success or failure
of my A trying to be clean and sober.
7. I'm ANGRY that simple things: toothpaste, mouthwash, soap, laundry soap,
and on and on, are being used up faster than I can replace them.
8. ANGRY that I have to use my own budgeted money to replace them!
Why doesn't my A feel ANY responsiblity for lights, heat, fans, etc...
in other words, jacking up my bills with NO REGARD!
9. MORE ANGRY with myself that I even CARE what happens to my A,
why don't I put MYSELF first?
10. Upset that putting myself first makes me no better than the addiction
itself... WHY? Because the addiction is selfish!
With all that said, and lots more on my brain, let's not forget that I said "the addiction is selfish", not the addict! The addict is a victim of the drug, too. And a big hooray to whoever reminded us in this thread that there IS something more powerful than the drug... THE CODEPENDENCY is definitely very powerful, maybe even MORE powerful ... like OUR own drug of choice, that we did not actally choose, rather it chose US. Our A's did not CHOOSE their addiction over us anymore than we are simply THRILLED to see our loved ones become addicts, right??
1. I want to help my A recover.
2. But I don't want to be an enabler.
3. But will he do drugs again if I send him out of my home?
4. Or will he turn to drugs again if he DOES in fact get a job and have $$?
5. I'M not ready to put up with the pain of active addiction.
6. I'm angry I somehow hold MYSELF responsible for the success or failure
of my A trying to be clean and sober.
7. I'm ANGRY that simple things: toothpaste, mouthwash, soap, laundry soap,
and on and on, are being used up faster than I can replace them.
8. ANGRY that I have to use my own budgeted money to replace them!
Why doesn't my A feel ANY responsiblity for lights, heat, fans, etc...
in other words, jacking up my bills with NO REGARD!
9. MORE ANGRY with myself that I even CARE what happens to my A,
why don't I put MYSELF first?
10. Upset that putting myself first makes me no better than the addiction
itself... WHY? Because the addiction is selfish!
With all that said, and lots more on my brain, let's not forget that I said "the addiction is selfish", not the addict! The addict is a victim of the drug, too. And a big hooray to whoever reminded us in this thread that there IS something more powerful than the drug... THE CODEPENDENCY is definitely very powerful, maybe even MORE powerful ... like OUR own drug of choice, that we did not actally choose, rather it chose US. Our A's did not CHOOSE their addiction over us anymore than we are simply THRILLED to see our loved ones become addicts, right??
ThatLittleGirl
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 273
CB, I can feel your pain and anguish...I hope you are able to read through posts...both present and past in the forum and find what it is you need to give you the strength and peace which is so vital to finding joy in life. I understand the anger...I understand the resentment...but holding on to those feelings is destructive only to you...if you have an active addict in your life, rest assured he/she is not worried about the emotions you continue to beat yourself up with...he/she has their own to deal with. I've learned recently...extreme anger like this is really just a manifestation of deep love...whether we want to acknowledge it or not. No one who you really do not care about can hurt you this deeply...unless there a tremendous love there as well. It's so difficult to feel the love sometimes when you feel it's not reciprocated. If you need time and space...take it...take whatever you need to feel better!!! Sometimes, as hard as it is...we just have to let go...and let God... I wish you all the best!
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No one who you really do not care about can hurt you this deeply...unless there a tremendous love there as well. It's so difficult to feel the love sometimes when you feel it's not reciprocated.
Beth
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Originally Posted by cynical one
But we are the families...families come in many different forms...just because some have not given birth to the addict doesn't make our pain lesser than, nor does it make our roles any different. That's why we leave the role of "helping" up to other addicts with some depth of sobriety and professionals in the addiction field.
Well, I am the daughter, the spouse, the addict, the mother, the sister, all of these roles in my life.
and yes, help can only come from other addicts with some sobriety and addiction professionals.
Beth
off topic,
cynical one i love the uh, dichotomy(sp?) of your user name with snoopy laying on a bed of flowers!
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I clearly need to read some more of the older posts and do some reflecting on this subject. I don't think my mind will change, but I'll be better able to understand where so many of your minds are at.
I never have and don't think I ever will become romantically involved with an AM. I could not bear the heartache and will not subject myself to it. If some man I am involved with becomes an addict I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
I love my AD and I hate her addiction and the part I hate the most today is the selfishness. I'm not a hateful person, but the past few days have left me filled with anger and hate. Probably not the best idea to be posting in a public forum in this state of mind.
Thanks for the venue,
cb
I never have and don't think I ever will become romantically involved with an AM. I could not bear the heartache and will not subject myself to it. If some man I am involved with becomes an addict I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
I love my AD and I hate her addiction and the part I hate the most today is the selfishness. I'm not a hateful person, but the past few days have left me filled with anger and hate. Probably not the best idea to be posting in a public forum in this state of mind.
Thanks for the venue,
cb
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I You can post anything you want cb. I try to learn from everyone. This is the place to vent about your anger and pain and love for your addicted love one.
Cause, we all get it. Really. We all get it some way or another.
I have learned so much in the past five months or so, I can't even explain. I realized that when I have a strong reaction, that I must think about why?
I had a strong reaction to your anger and pain because I have been there.
Beth
love my AD and I hate her addiction and the part I hate the most today is the selfishness. I'm not a hateful person, but the past few days have left me filled with anger and hate. Probably not the best idea to be posting in a public forum in this state of mind.
Cause, we all get it. Really. We all get it some way or another.
I have learned so much in the past five months or so, I can't even explain. I realized that when I have a strong reaction, that I must think about why?
I had a strong reaction to your anger and pain because I have been there.
Beth
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Good answer. I'm thankful to you for putting it in writing so I can read it over and over again until it sinks in - because sometimes that how I learn.
Originally Posted by cynical one
Without doing a poll, I would say with at least a 95% certainty that hardly any of us who are/were involved with an addict on a romantic level had any clue of what we were facing going in to the relationship. Nowhere in my life did I get the training needed until I was enmeshed and knee deep in the muck. Lemme tell ya how it starts. For me I had abused just about every drug there was, but fortunately nothing stuck. So when I met my qualifier and this is what so many of us hear "their problem was in the past", so we think ok that part of their life is over with. I don't want to label all addicts, but many are very charming and move quickly at the start of the relationship (red flag folks). We hear everything we need to hear and boom we are deeply involved and "in love". Then things start not making sense, we stop believing what we see and start second guessing ourselves. We actually start believing their stories over our own. This isn't an overnight thing, we get a little sicker by the day, just as we recover a little by the day. By the time the $hit hits the fan, all them codependent traits we didn't even know were there, are in full gear. That's when we start the snooping, playing detective, rescuing, saving, trying to catch, trying to outsmart, and justa hoping and praying that THEY will become the bill of goods that we thought we were getting. We can stay in this mode for as long as we choose to be. OR we can start the recovery process and one day at a time become the bill of goods WE want to be.
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Originally Posted by cb1504
I never have and don't think I ever will become romantically involved with an AM.
Originally Posted by cb1504
Once upon a time, my ABF died suddenly. About 3 months after I had finally been fed up enough to toss him out of my life. Fortunately I had been "done with it" before it killed him. I had mourned the loss of him before he passed away.
Originally Posted by cb1504
Stop hooking up with these people. There is no reason.
Do you want serenity?
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"cb, what's the story? Who are you really talking to here? Are you telling others what they shouldn't do or are you reminding yourself that you made a mistake? It sounds like your daughter's addiction brings up unresolved issues from your own personal life."
Thanks, I forgot. The day I was told this guy was dead was the same day OJ went for a Bronco ride with AJ. It was very long ago and I don't often have the opportunity to remember it. Being a part of this group really digs up a person's past in an effort to share a sypathetic tale. Which is all I was doing, and I told the tale twice in the last 10 years here on this list, in the past 2 weeks.
I don't have any unresolved issues regarding this, it's clearly been put into my past and for the most part forgotten.
I hooked up with a drug addict and I cut him from my life. I did not know he was an addict when we started dating. The whole thing lasted about 4 months and about 3 months later he committed suicide by cop, so I'm told. I had nothing to cry about - I had already emotionally detached. I knew I did the right thing.
This is not the only addicted person I've cut out of my life. Not the only one I've ever met, not the only one who tried to be part of my life.
I do not believe in having a romantic relationship with an addicted person.
While I may have forgotten about this incident - I was able to forget. I was able to rid my life of the chaos and live a happier life without it and to eventually forget - unless prompted to remember.
Every other post on this site is some person who has come here looking for answers to help with the chaos of thier addicted romantic partner. I have an answer - JUST SAY NO. Just say "no" to getting romantically involved with an addicted person. People do it every day. You wont find them here crying on this list.
My daughter's addiction did bring up issues from my past. Her addiction has brought me to this group for support and 2 other women's issues brought that incident to my mind in an attempt to be supportive.
A friend of mine from the world of non-addiction, had an interesting point of view regarding your post: "consider the source". In the spirit of AA, I re-examined my feelings and find that this man's death may be affecting me today, in that I know how dangerous drugs are and I fear for my addicted daughter's life, sometimes daily.
I don't like living in a world of addictions and recoveries. There are other, better places to live. I think people are FOOLS to knowingly become romantically involved with an addict.
I don't care about serenity (it comes and goes in my life like everything else) - I only care about my daughter's sobriety, if I have to go through this list and find serenity to help her attain sobriety - I'll do it.
Thanks, I forgot. The day I was told this guy was dead was the same day OJ went for a Bronco ride with AJ. It was very long ago and I don't often have the opportunity to remember it. Being a part of this group really digs up a person's past in an effort to share a sypathetic tale. Which is all I was doing, and I told the tale twice in the last 10 years here on this list, in the past 2 weeks.
I don't have any unresolved issues regarding this, it's clearly been put into my past and for the most part forgotten.
I hooked up with a drug addict and I cut him from my life. I did not know he was an addict when we started dating. The whole thing lasted about 4 months and about 3 months later he committed suicide by cop, so I'm told. I had nothing to cry about - I had already emotionally detached. I knew I did the right thing.
This is not the only addicted person I've cut out of my life. Not the only one I've ever met, not the only one who tried to be part of my life.
I do not believe in having a romantic relationship with an addicted person.
While I may have forgotten about this incident - I was able to forget. I was able to rid my life of the chaos and live a happier life without it and to eventually forget - unless prompted to remember.
Every other post on this site is some person who has come here looking for answers to help with the chaos of thier addicted romantic partner. I have an answer - JUST SAY NO. Just say "no" to getting romantically involved with an addicted person. People do it every day. You wont find them here crying on this list.
My daughter's addiction did bring up issues from my past. Her addiction has brought me to this group for support and 2 other women's issues brought that incident to my mind in an attempt to be supportive.
A friend of mine from the world of non-addiction, had an interesting point of view regarding your post: "consider the source". In the spirit of AA, I re-examined my feelings and find that this man's death may be affecting me today, in that I know how dangerous drugs are and I fear for my addicted daughter's life, sometimes daily.
I don't like living in a world of addictions and recoveries. There are other, better places to live. I think people are FOOLS to knowingly become romantically involved with an addict.
I don't care about serenity (it comes and goes in my life like everything else) - I only care about my daughter's sobriety, if I have to go through this list and find serenity to help her attain sobriety - I'll do it.
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"God help me, but I'm really a b%#*h about this...let them die in thier disease without the comfort of a woman."
I don't think the young addicted man who died in that story above had his mother with him, I wouldn't know...I wasn't there.
cb
I don't think the young addicted man who died in that story above had his mother with him, I wouldn't know...I wasn't there.
cb
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