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Just starting out. Alcoholism, depression, anxiety, procrastination are my issues.



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Just starting out. Alcoholism, depression, anxiety, procrastination are my issues.

Old 04-20-2010, 11:34 AM
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Just starting out. Alcoholism, depression, anxiety, procrastination are my issues.

Im 25 years old and Im just starting out. Ive been struggling with alcohol addiction for just over four years now. That might not seem like much but to me its been a lifetime of destroyed goals.

I was always depressed as far back as I can remember. I was just never happy with myself. I was a pretty regular drinker back in the years of 17-21, but I didnt let it control me. Around 4 years ago, I got a pretty bad bout of depression to do a loss and other things beyond my control. I found that drinking made the sad feelings go away. At first it didnt seem to be a problem. But then I started to drink hard-liquor alone often. It always seemed to make me feel better. Then it spiraled into drinking every day.

I have gone through some bouts of soberness but mostly after a couple weeks Im right back at it. Now after so much time drinking, Im definitely addicted. I tried to get back into college this year, but Ive already procrastinated so much on my prerequisite courses that I doubt Ill make it. Thus another year wasted.

Thats one of my other problems is procrastination which leads to brutal anxiety attacks. The best way I have found to deal with these anxiety attacks is to drink. I know it sounds horrible and thats because it is. Im two days sober now and Im trying to focus all of my energy into my schoolwork but its hard because it leads to anxiety attacks.

I dont know where Im going with all of this but I just felt I needed to put into words how im feeling so that I can use this as a starting point to getting better and maybe check back.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 04-20-2010, 11:42 AM
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Some of that sounds like a younger me, Silver. Sounds like you recognize the problems, so good choice on stopping. As you take on the challenges of dealing with problems without alcohol, there might be a self-satisfaction in confronting them without the false armour (alcohol); but mixed in with an abrasiveness. This is what I am experiencing. There are people here who talk about dealing with every one of the things you mentioned.
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Old 04-20-2010, 11:43 AM
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Welcome to SR Silverstar. The anxiety and the depression have led many people to the bottle. I believe those 2 things become worse with drinking though. Have you seen a doctor? It might be wise. Thanks for sharing your story and good for you for changing your life into a more positive and healthy mission. You can do this for sure. Call that doctor. Don't procrastinate that one my dear.
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Old 04-20-2010, 12:23 PM
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Yer man, drinking and depression go hand in hand. Sure did for me anyway. I found drink the best 'medicine' to alleviate my depression. However it only worked for a brief few hours and my moods and behaviour when the depression would lift temporarily would cause me even greater depression when I came back round from passing out. You know the flashbacks and all that. Very vicous cycle. I started to drink as soon as I woke up to pick my mood back up again. All downhill from there really.

I got sober when I truly wanted to get sober. I continue to strive to move forwards positively in my recovery from my alcoholism because I truly want to. I know what it's like to hope that you don't wake up and that awful feeling when you slowly awake in dissapointment. I don't want to go back there again. I had to stop self-medicating, it's a mugs game.
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Old 04-20-2010, 12:36 PM
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Very similar situation to me.
It's tough admitting the problem this young but the important part is you seem to know that you have one which is the first part in doing something about it.

My advice:
Go to the doctor about the depression/anxiety. If you're already on meds then you know that they simply don't work when you drink.

Set yourself off in the direction of a recovery program. AA is really good, if you would even try one meeting I'm sure it would change your outlook.


You're not alone here mate anyway, we're all in the same boat. The important part is that we want to change, many people in life will never come to that realisation and will **** their lives away.
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Old 04-20-2010, 12:39 PM
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Welcome SilverStar! You've come to the right place for amazing support and encouragement. SR helped me get and stay sober after more than 25 yrs. of heavy drinking. It's great that you're young and discovering what I wish I had before my entire life turned into chaos.

I had problems being shy & self-conscious when I was your age - and at the time alcohol seemed like the perfect solution for me. I was only going to drink to have fun and relax back then, of course. (Everyone else seemed to be able to!) I would never have dreamed where it would lead later in life. This never has to happen to you - and I hope you are proud of yourself for realizing it early on. My tolerance became huge, and I was drinking 24/7 in the end, just to keep from shaking. I was paralyzed by my need to have access to it all the time. That is not living. The sad thing is, while we're numbing ourselves we are not growing or maturing. We stay stuck in time. I am only now - at more than twice your age - learning to face things like a responsible adult. I don't know what I was so terrified of.

Please keep talking to us - it helps relieve some of the anxiety when you know you're among friends who have the same problem. Wishing you the best.
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Old 04-20-2010, 12:43 PM
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Welcome to SR! I'm glad you've decided to live sober while you're still young. I wish I had done that.
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Old 04-20-2010, 01:18 PM
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After two weeks or so sober your anxiety will be far less than it ever was. Many people on these forums have experienced this.

Cheers,

NB
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Old 04-20-2010, 01:48 PM
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NB's right - I forgot to mention that. I've gone through many phases. In the beginning I was quite miserable, but the anxiety all started to ease up and it got a little better every day. Joy and hope returned to my life as the time went on.
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Old 04-20-2010, 02:34 PM
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Welcome Silver. SR is a wonderful support site and so much of what you are feeling and have experienced with anxiety and depression I have had and most of us have had. I quit just 5 days ago and guess what? My anxiety is almost gone.....barely there. Panic attacks are GONE. Yeah I have my moments of ugh and so forth but I am sober and I can breath thru them and focus. Depression/feeling down is what brings about my drinking and I ended up turning to it all the time thinking it would help me cope but it didn't. Only when I hit rock bottom last week and thought my anxiety was going to be the end of me that I tossed the bottle just begging to feel anything of normal.

You are among a strong, caring community here and we all can relate and share. You are the right track and support is essential to recovery.

All the best! Kim
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Old 04-20-2010, 03:01 PM
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Welcome SilverStar

D
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