cessy68

why guys?

Ahh, yea, it's Miss Cess again, having my quartly temper tantrum.

ABF says he's quitting pills. Fine.

I know he's not working a program, I know he's not seeing a doctor. I know It's not 'that easy', to just stop on your own-- or he woulda done it a long time ago, or succeeded at it, 10 other times.... and I wouldn't be on SR!


So.... instead of just letting him 'do his own thing'... I had to , and i mean HAD to... like a violent moving force withing my veins... up to my mouth and said: "you think this is working? you think this is 'recovery'? You think i'm stupid? You can't just 'stop'.... STOP trying to fool me".....

Etc.

Urgh.

Long and short of it... i didn't bother him for a long time now... pills or not, whatever, I just left well enough alone.

BUT as soon as he pulled the "I want to stop these pills" discussion w/ me 3 days ago, I just got PISSED! And I mean PISSED, because i know it's just that he feels me slippin away, slowly but surely, and he knows deep inside this is a primary reason. SO HE brings up his issues, and how he's gonna work on them, WITHOUT ME ASKING HIM TO!......
and then I'm left resentful, because what started this whole thing today was his following statement when I was at work; " what cess, you couldn't even call and 'check' on me? I'm doing good at this, but you coudn't even call and see how i was while you were working?" WTF?

Anyhow, just a little vent, and wondering why I cant just do this:

Love,
Cess

outonalimb

Cessy,

I'm not in the best frame of mind right now but I honesly don't see anything wrong with calling him on his crap.

My Gosh...how many times do they get to spout a bunch of empty words and promises before we just have to tell them exactly how full of crap they really are?

I know reacting like that wasn't text-book recovery.

But I dont' see any harm in it except for the fact that you allowed yourself to get drawn into a useless battle of words. Thats okay. You know your words didn't have any effect...just as his have no effect on you.

Or maybe next time just shove some ju-ju beans in your mouth.

sofacat

"STOP trying to fool me".....


Cess....he's fooling himself....this isn't about you.

cessy68

hahah.... thanks for the smile outto!

hope you are feeling a wee bit better.....
love,
cess

cessy68

ahhhh, ya know, it's so funny you said that, because the whole time i was spouting off-- I SWEAR, in my head the dialogue w/ myself was, "whatever he's fooling HIMSELF"......

Love,
Cess

sofacat

Christen

Dear Cessy,
I can totally relate. It's so frustrating sometimes. There are days when I feel like a ticking time bomb. I know it's so hard... but try your best to think positive or stay busy on those "emotional wreck" days. Sometimes I shut myself in a bedroom or bathroom and repeat out loud- "Feelings are just feelings & I need to let them pass". Say it over and over and over. Don't take one step out of that bathroom until you can pull it together. And if you can't pull it together- go to a friend's house, go get a cup of coffee, or get out of the house somehow. Unfortunately after my temper tantrums, I'm rather embarrassed. So I just get the heck out of there when I can't control my emotions. And don't let your addict give you the good ol guilt trip. Do what you have to do to take care of you!

Good luck,
Christen

Satya

Cessy

I am right there with you asking the same question. Said a few things to exabf this weekend when I should have excused myself for bit and called a friend.

Seren

Hey (((Cessy))):

How about 1: "That's great, honey. You're a competent adult, and I have faith that you can do this." Then go about your own business.

and

2: Well, BF, you are a grown man, and I know you are capable of taking care of yourself.

I hope that you are feeling better soon, Cess!!!!!

Hugs, HG