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relapses

Old 04-18-2010, 07:39 AM
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relapses

this is probably going to sound really stupid, but i am really unclear as to what exactly constitutes a "relapse" i am an alcoholic, pill popper, and i havent had a drink in 4 months which is huge for me...but i was (not anymore) being prescribed ritalin, and i was crushing and snorting them. The last time i did this was Feb. 17. Then on April 3rd, i got ahold of my klonopin bottle, (my husband locks up all my meds so i cant get the them ) i am prescribed 3 a day, and i took 6 in one night. I didnt even think about that being a relapse untill i was talking to my sister-in-law and told her i had 47 days. She said What about the klonopin you took. so that made me think i suppose i should count that. So, then i set my date at April 3rd. Last week i was craving for something so so bad, words cannot describe, and i thought about crushing my klonopin. I was crying and pacing around the house for about 30 mins...i did call my sponsor, and got no answer, and didnt call anyone else because i get extremely nervous on the phone. So i decided to go ahead and do it. before i did this, i was even thinking about going to the store to get a beer but instead i did this. It made me feel so much better i wasnt craving anything anymore, and it really doesnt even make me feel any different than taking it orally, it was jsut the "thrill" of it, i suppose. Yesterday i talked to my sponsor about this and asked her if this would count as a "relapse" she said if i was not taking it as prescribed that it should be a relapse. so in my stinkin' thinkin' way im like "well it doesnt say HOW to take it, i could put it up my butt if if wanted" rethinking this, i know how stupid that sounds now, jsut to let you know. Then yesterday i took my nightime meds in the morning. because we were going to meet some people we hadnt met before and i was extremely nervous. It totally helped, i was calm and relaxed. But thats not how the "bottle" says to take it, so is THIS a relapse? I am so confused. My sponsor says you have got to take meds the exact way the bottle says, and i agree, but i just dont know if shuffling around my meds from a different time of day, or taking two at the same time when it says take 3 times a day, should conclude a "relapse" to the point of having to start my sobriety date all over again... idk, any advice or words of wisdom here would be great
also, jsut to ad, i am in a program right now, and really am trying my best here, , i go to meetings 3 times a week, and i want more than anything to just be able to skip forward and be able to say "i've got a year! or even I've got 6 months" its jsut so so hard
ty
crys
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Old 04-18-2010, 07:43 AM
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Hmm i think this is down to personal intepretation...i am sober and if i drank or used then that would be a relapse.

All the times i gave up drinking for months up to a year...i wasn't sober just dry and when i eventually drank it was just taking the next drink which was a foregone conclusion on the first day i stopped...

So forget the 'relapse', do you think you are sober ot just abstaining for periods of time? Maybe time for some action or a rethink?
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Old 04-18-2010, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by crzylilmndfreak View Post
So i decided to go ahead and do it. before i did this, i was even thinking about going to the store to get a beer but instead i did this. It made me feel so much better i wasnt craving anything anymore, and it really doesnt even make me feel any different than taking it orally, it was jsut the "thrill" of it, i suppose.
That is a relapse...

Seems to me that your anxiety has not been addressed properly. Maybe talk to your physician and see if there is a way to treat it so that your husband doesn't have to lock up your pills, or that you won't be tempted to take them at the wrong time of day and especially.... that there would be no "thrill" involved in snorting them.

I was addicted to some pills. Ritalin and sleeping pills and I abused the hell out of them. I don't keep them around, even locked up, because the temptation would be great.

Forget days now, get this problem with abusing pills under control. There are non addicting treatments available.

Keep coming back!
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Old 04-18-2010, 08:30 AM
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hi
i agree with mark 75 -u r showing classic addict behaviour hun by snorting and by shuffling doses - its really the same kind of thinking that any thrill involves...
hope u see your doctor and stopping the pills not counting days is good advice -
i used to make anything justify my using - wasnt til i looked back that i could see it myself - hope u realise before i did!
lots and lots of good luck to you
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Old 04-18-2010, 09:01 AM
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well it's up to personal defination what you feel as a relapse, but ya if your using it not as perscribed it could be considered a relapse. Though I think more so if you are using it to get high, like I know sometimes I missuse my seroquel like take extra to help me sleep but I'm allowed to do that and well seroquel dosen't make you high so it's not the same. Watch out with the benxos they can be really addicting. Don't beayt yoyurself up for slipping just move on and get back up ad try again. You can do this, I believe in you.
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Old 04-18-2010, 09:06 AM
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Originally Posted by karma35 View Post
hi
i agree with mark 75 -u r showing classic addict behaviour hun by snorting and by shuffling doses - its really the same kind of thinking that any thrill involves...
hope u see your doctor and stopping the pills not counting days is good advice -
i used to make anything justify my using - wasnt til i looked back that i could see it myself - hope u realise before i did!
lots and lots of good luck to you
Karma
yea, i think i need ot quit counting days, its really screwing with my mind. thank you for your advice
crys
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Old 04-18-2010, 09:13 AM
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Originally Posted by pinkgurl87 View Post
well it's up to personal defination what you feel as a relapse, but ya if your using it not as perscribed it could be considered a relapse. Though I think more so if you are using it to get high, like I know sometimes I missuse my seroquel like take extra to help me sleep but I'm allowed to do that and well seroquel dosen't make you high so it's not the same. Watch out with the benxos they can be really addicting. Don't beayt yoyurself up for slipping just move on and get back up ad try again. You can do this, I believe in you.
wow,that last line of your post moved me to tears ...ive been so emotional lately, so down on myself, i feel like i cant do anything right. jsut a plain failure. Ive been trying to get clean for 6 yrs, and never get very far, i did go 18 months without drinking last year, but was still pill popping, and abusing. I want this so bad, i have such low self esteem, you would never know it by looking at me, maybe thats my defense mechanism, but really i dont like the person that i am at all. I jsut want to be proud of myself for once
ty again
crys
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Old 04-18-2010, 09:22 AM
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A relapse (etymologically, "who falls again") occurs when a person is affected again by a condition that affected them in the past. This could be a medical or psychological condition such as depression, an eating disorder, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, multiple sclerosis, cancer or an addiction to a drug.
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Old 04-18-2010, 09:52 AM
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Relapse is the intent to do so.

I intentially took those pills.
Or I intentially took a sip.

If i went to a resturant an
ordered something with the
intent of knowing the sauce
has alcohol in it.....

I worked at a bakery who
made their own fruit cake.

At first i had no idea they
used alcohol in it. They
said it was flavoring.

To me i stayed away from
it because it smelled strong
and it made me feel ill.

If i get it in my mind that
its ok to drink near beer
or O'douls which says it
is alcohol free....read the
ingredience. It has low
percentage but drink
enough of it thinking its
ok...well it would give
me the ok to continue
but without consequences.

Guilt and shame would
creep in and thus would lead
to a slip. Mentally and
emotionally.
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Old 04-18-2010, 01:27 PM
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I would call it a relapse because you are trying to reach that high. I know how you feel about trying and you are staying away from the booze but obviously you have anxiety.

I had 3 months of sobriety. Had a glass of wine in a restaurant at dinner and it was great. I wasn't sure if that was a relapse but I didn't think it was because I wasn't looking for the high or fix....I just happen to enjoy wine. I consider my relapse when I bought a handle of Bacardi home with a case of soda and started drinking a couple here and there. That was me looking for a high because I wanted it and had to have it.

What you must do is not beat yourself up and see your doctor. You have anxiety issues that can be treated. You will need the willpower to avoid the cravings but you can do this my friend. Keep posting on SR, keep close to your sponsor and you MUST see your Dr. You shouldn't have to suffer from anxiety.

All the best and hang in there.
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