Kerbcrawler

not sure here were to begin again..other than a major bust up today which entailed me pouring her wine and cider..all over the kitchen floor... our budget is tight..we need a mower as the grass is growing..and we have a lot of grass to cut...i ask her for $30 to buy a cheap mower..she says no there is no money for..whilst i pay $16 for her weekend booze..i hit the roof an throw her booze all over the floor...now she wont talk to me...i think the point im making is i havent been drinking in the week at all...though weekends i have often ended up havin a bottle of wine..an more..she doesent get the reality of things we need...it drives me mad..conclusion as series of similar events like this..we have to go our seperate ways...i think for sure..i have asked for a possible transfer..to another location..i hope she steps up her game an gets on the childcare case..because she will be solely in charge..no backup..if she blames me for many of her woes..then that will be no longer the case..and its up to her to sort her..an look after our child.
heres hoping...

Duped

Sounds like my life. Mine is looking after our little one, and doesn't seem to understand the concept of money. On the dole and refuses to get a job. Reality just isn't there, and it's very frustrating. I had no choice but to end it myself.

Kerbcrawler

as long as you end up spending an havin quality time, with your littelin thats a good result, marriage is definently not what its cracked up to be...sorry here dont mean to be so pessermistic...but serious entrapment for both man an woman comes to mind...great expectation of how we must make this work...:wtf2
right..

Duped

Indeed, especially in an alcoholic/codependent relationship, I think me leaving was the best for all involved as I just don't have it in me to deal with the ongoing nonsense, the dishonesty and the blame which only seem to come my direction and never towards anyone else. I think we as codependents are magnets for it, because my ex seems to get along fine with everyone else. At least on the surface.

In reality I believe she is quite happy having me gone, which is fine by me.

Kerbcrawler

glad you were able to move on an find some inner peace an strength.. end of the day its gotta be done...no point fighting a losing battle... when things are not going well and you find it easier to negotiate with a terrorist... than your wife you gotta a problem...when she enjoys freespending your dollars on cosmetics...an you end up livin on unhealthy junk food...its a problem..

Kerbcrawler

sorry ladies here ,for goin off on one..in the heat of the moment..im by far the easiest person to live with either...we all got our issues goin on here.... its not easy for either of us...i dont wanna make this all one sided cause it never is.....but she gotta realize we cant cook up clarens facial when were hungary...:rotfxko.

Carol Star

This isn't a dress rehearsal (spelling)......Being miserable is not worth it. Pain is inevitable, misery is optional. I remember the moment I knew I couldn't take it anymore. It was just me and God. It took me a couple of more years to take the action , but I remember the instant. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this. Divorced 3 yrs.now and it is ok.

Kerbcrawler

Firstly thanks all for the advice...its not great to make a joke out of everything thats serious..how i deal with...yes implications are really we have so much tied up together obviously a child a house a marriage, i cant maintain sobriety here under the circumstances..financially were in debt an have no spare cash...will need though to sort out somewhere else..and concentrate on stayin drink free..and sorting out finances ie debt repayment...i have requested a job transfer elsewhere and will hopefully hear back in the coming days...im hoping we can sort all this out amicablly..well really have to as we can not afford any legal bills at all...thanks again..its never easy..at the best of times. i find much help and assurance to read here, of all others who have been and going through much similar,...neither of us are bitter people, thanks again..

Kerbcrawler

Yes Anvil, i dont go to meetings here in town, very small location and other than coming on here..a very private matter between us...we dont want other people gettin there noses in on our buisness...and also we dont wish outside of here to publisise our problems..there is actually no AA, Here in this town beleive it or not, its known as something else...if i were in a bigger place, city etc, i would think nothing of turning up at an AA meeting...but here your talking goldfish bowl place...were a litter dropping offence takes front page headlines...if you get my drift..tx.

barb dwyer

we don't drink because something is/isn't happening.
we drink.. because we're alcoholics.

non-alcoholics... don't drink when things don't go their way.

they do something about the problem.

Just pointing out a small fact that might be worth thinking about.

It sounds to me as if you['ve made up your mind,
and since we're amreicans - we're always going to advise to find a group
or others to talk to about the problems in 3-D.

Since I'm learning so mujch about the UK
i'm finding that's not always the 'lives of quiet desperation' tradition over there.
so the groups are n't as strong as they are here.

but that doesn't mean they should be disregarded.

If you can't stay sober
because something is or is NOT happening in your home....
I will tell you without hesitation

that that is something that needs to be addressed
on a very real, in the gut level of honest assessment.

alanonicnov2008

Don't forget that alcoholics will also create drama in order to justify their behaviors. Nothing is quite so painful as being attached to someone who will throw everything under the truck in order to stay in their disease.

It's so hard to just walk away, but often that's the only thing you can do, and in fact the best thing you can do. I am truly haunted by my bad decisions to stay in relationships with people thinking that I could change them.

I hope the kid is ok...if it's your kid wouldn't you want to be involved in taking care at least financially? Or is it the kind of thing that you know your money would not be spent where it was supposed to be? You don't want to punish the child for your wife's behavior.