lulu1974

This stinks..I cant do any type of exercising (miss my yoga) because of my foot..which still really hurts but Dr says to stay off it and it should be fine which means I couldnt go back to work after my two week haitus as planned and my folks are giving me a hard time about this. Not like I can help it and I am a grown woman with a house by the way. Ok maybe I look 12 but still I am not.

So feeling lonely cause cant really go out or do anything to make myself feel better. I ran out of lavendar oil. I dont know if I really like the antidepressants they gave me.

And the breaking of the NC with the stbxah threw me for a loop. And I just want to lock the door to the house and never come out.

Well I had hoped things would have gotten better for me since I was trying to do all this stuff for me but I keep hitting roadblocks..(and I miss my ex which sucks). Maybe God has a different plan for me but I would like to feel happier and better very soon.

thanks for listening ((Hugs))

Hadassah

Sorry you are feeling blue !! God does have a plan for you, but sometimes we just have to trust Him, and keep in mind that our timing is not His timing. I know that doesn't make your loneliness go away, just know that we are out here and know what pain you are feeling and care about you. Take care of yourself and don't let what other people say get you down. Love and hugs, H

Pelican

Sorry you are feeling so down.

My blue days last for about a 3 day cycle. I usually start to snap out of it after 3 days. If not, I need to get help. One of the things that helps is to have a gratitude list, a list of things I am grateful for. Lately, this has been the top of my list:

I am thankful for waking up on this side of the dirt. (it's meant to make me laugh)
for me it is the simple things that I want to be thankful for: shampoo that smells nice, soft sheets, bendy straws, and chocolate!

Do you like to play games? Did you know that SR has an arcade? You can win a trophy and improve your hand eye coordination:
SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - Arcade

How can we help you?

tigger11

Ah Sweet Lulu - what a whole bunch of ickies! I have soooo been where you are, sans the foot thingy simultaneously. And oh so recently at that. The one tiny story that I can share is that about a week and a half ago, my heart caught up with my head. Intellectually, I knew that my husband wasn't the man he pretended to be at first. Instead of being loving, kind, thoughtful and genteel, he's manipulative, angry, potentially violent, and generally a first class prig. I KNEW that. But I kept missing him. Every moment of every day for a good four months since I'd left to go to the DV shelter. Until the moment that I realized that I didn't really miss HIM, I missed who I thought he was, who he promised to be, who I had dreamt of. But he is not that person. Nor will he ever be. So you see, I don't really miss HIM, I miss my dream of who I thought he was.

That leads me to what I don't miss. I don't miss the drunken anger, the abusive language, the false accusations, the twisting of my words, the bizarre stories he made up about me (for example, that I slept with all the neighbors, that I was having an affair, etc). I don't miss the stink of him in bed at night, both body and breath, his anger at everybody and everything, the isolation that he imposed on me, the calling him 2x a day on my way to and from work for the entire trip whether or not we had something to talk about, the missing of my family because I rarely could take time away from him to talk to them on the phone. Etc. Etc.

What I love is... seeing my wonderful counselor once a week, not worrying that he'll beat my two furry best friends, going to see my friends whenever I want to, having my son live with me because that man is no longer trying to discipline him inappropriately, living in a clean place... Etc. Etc.

I went on longer than intended. The point is, I missed the dream, not him. I hope this helps a little.

Huggs!
Tigg

Carol Star

I prayed to stop caring so much and one day I realized it had really come true. It happened just recently. I don't miss him anymore. I know his plan for each day......getting fried......whatever his selfish needs are for that day.......him....him.....him......Now for me it is ME ME ME........I have positive activities and positive friends in my life........I live in the solution.......no more crazies, ickies or chaos. No more lies, and no more feeling used. No contact is best. If I have a couple of bad days they are just a couple of bad days. This too shall pass. I am so grateful for recovery from Code, my pets, friends, non chaotic home, job, security, HP, lessons and boundaries learned,my health returning, and SR!

Jadmack25

Tigger, you have got that message about who is really missed, absolutely down pat.
What a wise tiger you have grown to be.

I am going to keep that for when it is needed again, cause it makes so much sense.

God bless

Kassie2

Just a mention that I am thinking about you and praying for your journey.

This is a very tough time in your life but it will get better. Try to keep your mind distracted and remind yourself of why things are the way they are.

tpen

Lulu - my day has been really good, but remember Tuesday and Wednesday? Get through today/tonight, then see what tomorrow brings. If it's another challenge - speak out and post and we will be there for you. Keep your faith and know as everyone else says, this is normal.

I miss my XAGF today too, but nowhere near even calling her. We all have feelings!

lulu1974

I am glad to hear Tpen..u deserve a good day..

NewChapter

Lulu: Ditto what Tigger said. There is grief, and we have to through it, not around it. And it can take a long time...longer than we want it to take. But you will come out on the other side. I agree the grief is for the life we thought we would have, for the man who doesn't exist anymore (if ever??). That is different from wishing we were back "there" or wanting the current version of "him" with us. It takes time for our hearts to catch up with what our heads already know.
On another website for divorce recovery, we made a list of all the ugly, disgusting things we won't miss, as Tigger did so beautifully, and save the list for days like this. Since the list is just for you, put it all out there in graphic detail. After a few weeks/months, mine has me ROTFL!
Sleep well, Lulu and all. We can do this, we are not alone. One foot in front of the other.

bookwyrm

:ghug3

It sucks to feel so low. Anti depressants can take a few weeks to kick in too. But, just like your injured foot, it won't last forever. It will pass.

So what can you do now that you've been forced to take it easy for a bit? Can you buy your lavendar oil online? Me, I would read, read, read!! Do a bit of step work. Research some hobbies to take up when your foot is better (and will distract you from missing your A). Have some friends over - you don't need to be lonely if you don't want to! We're here too!

Exercise is good for your mood - missing out on your regular dose will bring you down a bit too. Can someone take you swimming? It would support your foot while you exercise. Even sitting out in the garden (the sun is shining here) could help your mood.

Sometimes, though, just shutting the door on the world, hiding under the duvet and letting my feelings out for a day helps too.

Take care of yourself - you're ill and injured and your body needs the rest!

lulu1974

Last night I pryed so much and more importantly just talked to him and tole him what I needed. Today my foot is much better. I can walk on it. I hope to be back at work Tuesday...I felt much better last night and today seems to be getting better. Slowly I am recognizing what I need to do to make my life better for me..