helluvacook

I've only been sober since April Fool's Day, and I'm having a tough time right now. Just wanted to share for a minute.

I asked my fiance to stay at his mom's for awhile, because of some ongoing issues. We are going to counselling now, but it's better if he is not in my house at the moment. This is hard for both of us and our two year old. And maybe his 11 year old? I dunno.

I wanted to drink so bad yesterday. I said to myself "I've gone 12 days, so obviously I can do it." and I could practically taste the wine, I thought I could just stop on the way home and pick up a small bottle (not the big bottle I usually get).

I couldn't snap out of it. I don't know how it worked, but a couple things happened: 1. I really like having April Fool's Day as my Sobriety date. :wtf2
2. I remembered that when I woke up this morning I said I would NOT drink today. 3. I didn't want to face the music this morning; the guilt, shame, disappointment, etc.

So I took my son to the park, then we went and got a redbox movie. I read from the Big Book and I remembered why I can't drink. I still wanted to drink, but was past the danger zone. I pray that I get past the danger zone every time I want to drink.

This morning I woke up so grateful that I didn't drink, as I have every morning for the last 13 days now. And really, there is no way I could be doing this single mom thing (no matter how temporary) if I were drinking.

So thank you God, and thank you SR for being there!

FuzzyFatSacks

Good job

Horselover

Definitely good job getting through that. I would just add that its not how long you go without drinking that determines your ability to handle alcohol, but its what happens when you do have it. Is it really a struggle to stop after that first glass? Do you black out at the end of the evening? I say a big fat YES to both of those questions.

I have occasionally looked at my sobriety time and said well it can't be that bad because you've gone 'x' number of days, months, etc. and my Mom in the beginning was backing up that addict voice, but now I have proof. Its right here on SR. I can go back and review the tough times I had in the beginning and read what exactly the alcohol was doing to my life.

Keep up the good fight and don't think about the cravings. Know that cravings pass and you CAN get through them like you did. Awesome job!!

topspin

Hi hellavacook,

I'm glad you're hanging in there, Not being much of a believer , as such, for me , I think one thing that helps me a little (or alot)in the mornings and at night is to remember <and I say it to myself , to my HP > , ...how grateful I am to be sober. Just establishing in my mind an "attitude of gratitude "

I worry about using any negatives , ....like, ... I'd rather say, and/or (think ), " I'm grateful to be sober yesterday and this morning. " Versus ..using the don'ts, the didn'ts, the nots ......all negatives in speech

examples: "I'm glad I didn't drink yesterday." Or "I'm not going to drink today." Anyway, I don't have a clue if it's any help to ya, but it's just some idea I picked up in sports pschology that I like to employ in staying sober. ....one day at a time

You hang in there !

least

Good for you for not drinking! It does get easier the longer you're sober, I've got four months and don't get near as many cravings as before.

Dee74

great post helluvacook - thanks
Don't forget there's a lot of support around, here and elsewhere, for the tough times - you can do this!

D