Things are moving along just as I thought they would

Old 04-12-2010, 09:06 AM
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Just for today....
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Things are moving along just as I thought they would

I must be psychic!

Well, everything is going fine in my world. STBXAH (weird, the first time I have typed that) hit his bottom on Friday, we had a very long talk, he pulled himself together, quit drinking on Friday, started really focusing on his business (he is self employed) was writing things in a planner (???), made his own flyers and wrote up a new customer letter, cleaned out the gargage, tuned up all of his equipment, started packing and just had the most upbeat positive look on divorce I have seen yet. He told me while this is still painful, he is out of the anger and denial phase and is now moving through accepting the situation as it is.

I knew this was going to happen, because this is what happens every time we seperate. Everytime I leave him he finds this strength from somewhere to take a long hard look at himself and make all of these positive changes. I told him if he wasn't going through this divorce that he would not be doing any of these things to change his life. He wouldn't have even thought about it because a life with me for him is just a matter of "getting by", not rocking the boat too much and doing the very minimum he can do, and I will take care of the important stuff.

I told him I am happy for him, and I will support him but this did not mean I am not going to discontinue my plans to divorce him. This is the same thing that happened when I moved out 6 years ago...I was gone for 1 year, during that time we were seperated he got clean (and stayed that way all year), worked a program, went to counseling, got his job back, bought a house, paid his bills, and as soon as I moved in with him 3 months later because I wanted a piece of this new AH guess what?

Relapse....found out he hadn't paid his mortgage in the 3 months I lived there, lost his job, started dealing steroids....put his truck in a lake driving drunk on the ice (4,000 towing bill to pull it out....)and guess who picked up all the pieces?

I am really happy that AH is on a positive track, I couldn't be more happy for him if he is able to pull his life together and handle his business. This would make me very excited, because this would mean he is of sound mind and he can focus more on important things like his kids.

I have learned from my lesson before. Some people mix in a relationship like oil and water. Even though you may still love and care about that person, I have to realize that by staying in this relationship I am doing both of us a huge dis service...We will both slowly die in this relationship because when we are together we can not grow...we are at a stand still..I don't want to live my life in a stand still pattern. Is it easier to just say forget it and stay with him? heck yeah. Do I want to start again with someone else? Not really, but I deserve to be happy and my kids deserve good healthy role models. Is it annoynig that he turns into the man I have wanted to be when I decide it is over, a little. But that just tells me that I am making the right decesion. If I turn back then I am killing us both.

Just something I was thinking about today. I was feeling good about where I am. I feel in control and I feel like I have my head on straight. I know that I am detaching from this situation with love, love for myself, my kids and my AH. I know where I am going and I am not going to fall into the "recovery trap". I will just stand back and smile knowing that I was responsible for making 4 peoples lives better with my decesion. That's good enough reason for me!
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Old 04-12-2010, 09:09 AM
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My, it sounds like you're having an AWESOME Monday!
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