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Old 04-10-2010, 10:30 PM
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new here

I'm a wife of a addict/alcoholic. We've been together for 29 years, 25 of them married.

He was a drug user back in 1987, when I was pregnant with our first child. He entered rehab in 1988 and was clean for 18 years.

He started using prescription drugs and when the debt piled high he turned to drinking to forget about it. He drank off and on till the end of last year he started drinking heavily. I noticed changes but thought it was his medications since the side effects were the same as being in a drunken state.

In early February he was taken from the house by ambulance and was diagnosed with alcohol poisoning. He called me from the er and told me he needed and wanted help, which I vowed to do. We got him into a detox and the kids and I took him. He was released a week later and put into an intensive out patient program where he still goes. He makes his meetings and has been doing well for the past sixty some days.

I found out my annual mammo was abnormal and so was the follow up ultrasound. I have an appt with a breast surgeon for Wednesday. I turned to him for support. Yesterday he turned to alcohol as a way of dealing. He was honest when I confronted him and reached out to the counselor and his sponsor. The sponsor called back and told him they would talk today since talking while he was under the influence would do no good.

We had a long talk and he has vowed to get back on the road to recovery. This is a "slip". He hated the taste of alcohol, the way it made him feel and realizes this was more harm than help. He wants to go back into intensive outpatient rather than the one day of week do four days like before. He's scared. His family has a history of abuse and his father was abusive as an alcoholic. He wants to beat this for a better life for himself which will inturn provide a better life for us. He has the tools, knows them but this time chose to ignore them.

I'm hoping this was a slip and not the return to hell. I need him now more than ever but know I can't place that on him. He wants to be there for me.
He says he dedicated to getting back on the right path and will do whatever it takes. He chose to reach out for support on his own, which is a positive. He realizes this wasn't the answer, another positive. He wants to be clean and sober and has once again made it his goal.

I came here for support. I know none of us has the answers but know I can learn from others.
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Old 04-11-2010, 12:19 AM
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Dear Hope

So sorry for the reasons that brought you here - but so glad you found us.
There is a lot of wisdom here. I want to have hope with you. This is a time when the focus has to be on you.

You are a veteran at war with this . We at SR with be with you all the way. Come here often. Read and post a lot. Here we have world wide prayers ! There are people here in your exact position. Others will be here soon.


Hugs
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Old 04-11-2010, 02:04 AM
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Firstly, my heartfelt wishes for a good result from the specialist on Wednesday, along with my prayers for healing, recovery and strength for you both.

The fact that your husband remained sober for 18 years, has now spoken of how he hates alcohol, is afraid of what could happen if he continues drinking, and wants to go back into intensive outpatient treatment, offers a good chance of success.

God bless
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Old 04-11-2010, 02:15 AM
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It sounds like he has a good program if he can just get back on the beam. Both of you could trust your HP and work your own programs. I hope your health improves. I had one of those scares which turned out to be nothing. Good luck with that.
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Old 04-11-2010, 06:30 AM
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Welcome to the Sober Recovery Family!

We're glad you found us! You will find lots of support and information for yourself here. I recommend reading in the permanent (sticky) posts at the top of the forum. Lots of wisdom in those threads. I also recommend Alanon meetings for face to face support for yourself.

I learned about the 3 C's of addictions in Alanon:

I did not cause it
I can not control it
I will not cure it

(((hugs)))to you as you have your followup appts this week with another doctor. This is an important time for you to focus on your needs and your recovery.

It appears your AH is doing what he needs to do to take care of himself. He has the tools and resources to follow through with his own recovery.

Together, yet seperately, you are traveling the roads to recovery. May your path lead you to peace and serenity.

Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.
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Old 04-11-2010, 11:29 AM
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Dear Hope,

You are the light for your husband. YOu stood by him when he needed help, you supported him through tough times, children, marriage, debt, and other parts of life. You are the one who is strong enough to survive anything.

Seek help with a counselor, pastor, strong friends, and here. It sounds like healing will come in a variety of ways.

God bless!
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Old 04-11-2010, 11:34 AM
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Thanks everyone. I just have to dig deep for myself. He got up this morning and told me he was glad it happened because now he can move forward without the looming failure everyone talks about. Told me he regretted drinking the moment he did it, and that what one of the AA sayings is true....AA spoils the drunk. Seems to have a clear head and went to a meeting at noon today. He is asking for more counseling or seeing what the rehab suggests but he's staying positive. I do believe him but still have to get past the hurt and the anger myself.

Myself, I cried every tear I could in my body. I feel much better but still have contempt for him when I look at him. Both of us have shed many tears over the past 24 hours.
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Old 04-11-2010, 01:31 PM
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kia
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awwww my heart went out to u when i read this i do hope the tests go ok for u wi11 be thinking about u xxxxkia
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Old 04-11-2010, 06:35 PM
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I had to practice forgiveness to let go of the resentments. The resentments were weighing me down. I resented his behavior, yet, the reality is that I have no control over his behavior. He is an adult. He can and will make mistakes ( just as I do too ). He will have to deal with consequences from his behavior, just as I do too.

I had to forgive my A for not being what I wanted him to be. I set him free to be himself. I did this privately. We did not discuss it. It was something I did for myself to find serenity.
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