Redheadsusie

Have not been on for quite a while. My Mom passed away in February- she was very sick with Emphysema and drank a lot but of course it was and is hard. My Dad is still sick with Cancer but we are tending to him. AH was supportive about 2 weeks and then just was kind of over me being fragile. Winter he can't boat cause it is cold and Spring and Summer it engulfs him so the drinking is stepped up if that is possible. My real estate business is finally starting to pay off but the past 2 years have been hard on us financially. AH had to actually contribute to the bills and how that pissed him off- not as much money to buy cases of beer to drink in 2 days or weed. I have 7 closings coming up - YAY~ and he actually asked me to pay him back some money for helping the family . I said - You are kidding right? He of course said no! I said I won't pay my husband back for contributing to the bills- He said my 2 sons and I are 3 people and him 1 so it is unfair. Mind you - he makes $20,000 a year. I still made more than him both of those years - way more but not what I am used to making. Am I out of line? Don't married couples help each other - Without me- He can't pay child support truck, boat and insurance and gas and food - much less have a place a to live on the river or anywhere really. Anyway- I have put my foot down and told him no more- I am over the cursing and the name calling and the drinking and the anger and the beligerance. It has made him angrier than ever and now he hates the whole world and I am at the top of the list. Is this typical? He is getting scary. He of course projects all of himself on me which makes no sense as we are complete opposites. Now- I am negative, I am the angriest person he knows. I have stolen his soul, I am no fun, I am a bitch, I am a nag, I am controlling, I run a regime, I will grow old alone, He says My Dad gave him a mean look at Easter dinner and he will never go back (gave him an excuse to leave and drink), my college sons are a holes, I think I am entitled- he is mad I lost my job - 3 years ago- YADA YADA YADA. He has not 1 thing to say that is positive ever. I truly think the alcohol and the weed is somehow stepping it up and his brain is bad- I am serious. He has been like this his whole life for the most part- His first wife left for the same reasons- I know what was I thinking. He has no self respect- here is my problem. it makes me sad - that he will be alone. I am not sure why and that bothers me- he is not sad at all about me - Not at all. Wishes me bad things he said- I am getting son to open up checking account in his name to stockpile money and will go from there. Now that my Mom has died- I realize life is short- her life was only 74 years- that is less than 30 years for me. Do I want to grow old with this horrible man who could care less if I was sick or sad or hurt?

suki44883

Of course you shouldn't pay him back. If he is living there, he should be helping out. For what reasons are you staying with this man? What are you getting out of this marriage?

GiveLove

That's a really good question, susie. Do you?

Hope not. Life truly is too short.

I doubt your mom want that for you. Maybe in her honor you should make a change in your life for the better.

Hugs,
GL

Thumper

Hi Susie, I'm newish here and always so appreciative of the posters that stay around and give updates etc.

My condolences on your mom's passing. It is so hard to lose a parent.

I would definitely not worry one second about paying him back. That is ridiculous, although based on my experience I'm not surprised he asked.

I, too, am more uncomfortable with other people's sadness then my own. There is more to that, I just haven't figured it out. I think it might be a way of deflecting my feelings onto someone else because I either don't know what to do with my own, or have spent way to long ignoring, denying, and basically not allowing myself my own feelings because it all seemed so pointless in the middle of an alcoholic relationship. I'm still working on my recovery if you can tell, lol. I realize that wasn't all that helpful, but maybe some food for thought.

I came across this quote just now. I'm going to add it to my siggy and it made me think of this thread - which is why I came back to post on it. Wishing you peace and strength....

“Everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you. But you have to take action to get it.” ~Jules Renard

Redheadsusie

Ladies- You are so right. My Mom would want me to flourish and be happy. The last thig she said to me was How much she loved me and how proud of me she was. You give me strength - your kind words and words of encouragment. Much peace. I wish strength and happiness to you!:ghug3