Satya

My aexbf has been threatening to take me to court over child custody and has also been threatening to not give me some money he promised me. He recently came into a large sum of money, and had promised me a certain amount (this is separate from child support.) I was going to use that money to get myself more independent. I have been living with my parents, and it really doesn't work for them, my kids, or me. I don't have a car. I am pretty dependent on other people, him included, and I don't want to be. My parents are burnt out as well. They have been helping to support me off and on for years; picking up exes slack. We are all fed up with this (parents and I, that is,) and we all want me to be on my own feet, dependent on ex as little as possible. The catch is I was going to use that money from him to get me launched in the right direction.

I don't know if he is just blowing smoke, and trying to control me, or if he really is going to go through with all this. If it was just him I would say it was all a bluff, but it is not just him. He has a gf that is very much his enabler, and I don't trust that she won't push him to do something. I believe she feels very threatened by me, because ex and I had some relations, when they were recently broken up (I know, I know, not the best thing to do, but it has been awhile.) It has been a long time since ex has been able to try and control me with something. He knows I was attached to getting that money.

I feel really sad that this is how it is playing out. I feel angry that he is trying to control and manipulate me. All I want is a healthy, sane life for the kids and myself. I am sick of this bs. I am sick of going out of my way to accommodate exes relationship with his kids, only to have him take it for granted. I am sick of him treating me like a piece of s****. Really, I am fed up.

Anyway, I knew I couldn't count on the money until it was actually in my hands. So, I do have a back up plan to get myself independent. It is just not my ideal scenario.

Ann

You are wise to proceed without any expectations of money from him. And I would see a lawyer about your rights and child custody issues.

He most definitely is using this to control you...but he cannot control you at all unless you allow it.

Step back, take a deep breath, and focus on taking care of you and your kids. I have a feeling that you are strong enough to do this without his help/control/manipulation. How freeing it is to let go of expectations and fear.

Hugs

JMFburns

I agree with Ann, you are stronger than you think you are and can manage to launch your independence all on your own. Sure, it may take a while longer and not be as easy as you had planned, but you can still do it!

Good luck!