Mom to an addict in need of some advise!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 11
Mom to an addict in need of some advise!
Hi everyone..I'm new here and glad I found this place. I hope this is an OK place to start. I wanted to share a little bit about my oldest son who is a drug addict. This is the short of it..I am only going to cover the last 2 years..of course the story started way before this...
My son is currently in a military brig. for drug use, possesion, ect. He will be 21 next month. He has struggled with his addiction since he was about 16. We thought we could "snap him out of it". Unfortunatly we found out the hard way how wrong we were. He decided to join the AF his senior yr of high school and we had our doubts that he would actually do it. Well, to our surprise he did join and took off for basic training and went through it with flying colors! We we amazed and impressed. He was a different kid...so we thought.
Soon after he made it to Tech. school he failed his first drug test. He was sent a week later to a dorm where he waited for a few months to be discharged and sent home. He never made it that far. During his time there waiting to come home he got in more and more trouble. He was doing drugs among other things. He was finally arrested and sent off base to wait for his pre-trial hearing. He was eventually Court Martialed and sentenced to 14 mo. in a brig.
He is currently in a drug treatment program there and I'm excited, yet unsure if he will take it seriously enough to help him. He seems to, but he has been know to not tell the truth. He did tell me before the classes started that he was excited about it..BUT for me not to get my hopes up. It broke my heart. I'm holding out hope that after he starts to go and really gets into the treatment his attitude will change.
He is set to be released very soon and I am actually affraid for him to come back home. I feel terrible about this! I have 3 other children (age ranges from 16 to 9) and I don't want them to have to go back through the life that was before he left. They don't deserve that.
I want to set rules and guidelines for him for when he gets back home, but I don't want to sound negative if he's really trying to get better. It's been a year and a half since he's been home and I want him to feel welcome, yet I don't want him to go back to his old life style while staying at home.
I guess basically I am LOST..I don't know how to treat him or be his mom at this point. I want to be able to trust him again, but I just don't know how.
Any advise or help in any way would be great..I feel like time is getting so close for him to be home and I'm the one who's not ready.
Thanks in advanced,
Paula
My son is currently in a military brig. for drug use, possesion, ect. He will be 21 next month. He has struggled with his addiction since he was about 16. We thought we could "snap him out of it". Unfortunatly we found out the hard way how wrong we were. He decided to join the AF his senior yr of high school and we had our doubts that he would actually do it. Well, to our surprise he did join and took off for basic training and went through it with flying colors! We we amazed and impressed. He was a different kid...so we thought.
Soon after he made it to Tech. school he failed his first drug test. He was sent a week later to a dorm where he waited for a few months to be discharged and sent home. He never made it that far. During his time there waiting to come home he got in more and more trouble. He was doing drugs among other things. He was finally arrested and sent off base to wait for his pre-trial hearing. He was eventually Court Martialed and sentenced to 14 mo. in a brig.
He is currently in a drug treatment program there and I'm excited, yet unsure if he will take it seriously enough to help him. He seems to, but he has been know to not tell the truth. He did tell me before the classes started that he was excited about it..BUT for me not to get my hopes up. It broke my heart. I'm holding out hope that after he starts to go and really gets into the treatment his attitude will change.
He is set to be released very soon and I am actually affraid for him to come back home. I feel terrible about this! I have 3 other children (age ranges from 16 to 9) and I don't want them to have to go back through the life that was before he left. They don't deserve that.
I want to set rules and guidelines for him for when he gets back home, but I don't want to sound negative if he's really trying to get better. It's been a year and a half since he's been home and I want him to feel welcome, yet I don't want him to go back to his old life style while staying at home.
I guess basically I am LOST..I don't know how to treat him or be his mom at this point. I want to be able to trust him again, but I just don't know how.
Any advise or help in any way would be great..I feel like time is getting so close for him to be home and I'm the one who's not ready.
Thanks in advanced,
Paula
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Welcome to SR! I know what you're going through as i am the mom of an addict (age 24).
No specific words of advice here for you yet except to browse the stickies at the top. They are chock full of information for you as well as books that we family members have found helpful. You are right to consider the state of your house because of the younger children - but also for yourself (and husband?).
Anyway, stick around. We're a great bunch of people who are trying to help each other through a very difficult time, and we've been pretty darn successful at doing that!!!
No specific words of advice here for you yet except to browse the stickies at the top. They are chock full of information for you as well as books that we family members have found helpful. You are right to consider the state of your house because of the younger children - but also for yourself (and husband?).
Anyway, stick around. We're a great bunch of people who are trying to help each other through a very difficult time, and we've been pretty darn successful at doing that!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Hi Paula,
If you're not ready please be honest with everyone about it. Have either of you considered a sober house (halfway house)? They vary in cost, location, commitment, etc., and if they haven't already discussed that with him, now is the time to bring it up.
When my daughter was in rehab, they strongly recommended a structured environment for at least a few months after. It's a great way for them to get their feet wet again.
Have you been working a recovery program for yourself?
If you're not ready please be honest with everyone about it. Have either of you considered a sober house (halfway house)? They vary in cost, location, commitment, etc., and if they haven't already discussed that with him, now is the time to bring it up.
When my daughter was in rehab, they strongly recommended a structured environment for at least a few months after. It's a great way for them to get their feet wet again.
Have you been working a recovery program for yourself?
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by Paula374 
He is set to be released very soon and I am actually affraid for him to come back home. I feel terrible about this! I have 3 other children (age ranges from 16 to 9) and I don't want them to have to go back through the life that was before he left. They don't deserve that.
Only you can decide if he gets to return home or not. Regardless of what you allow or not, is not going to keep him sober or cause him to relapse. That's his responsibility.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 11
Thank you all so much..I am considering finding some kind of support group for myself before he comes home. I know I need to learn how to deal with him. I sometimes feel used by him and that's not right, but I don't know how not to..
I live with this constant fear that if I upset my son or make him angry (which isn't hard to do) when he does come back that I will be the cause of him going back to drugs. I know this is crazy thinking and it's really about him and his choices. Even when I talk to him now on the phone..I am weak. If I need to tell him something or he wants me to do something for him and I dont think it's a good idea or something like that I am scared to tell him. I try to build myself up before I talk to him, but as soon as I start to hear the upset/anger in his voice I fold. I can't figure it out, I can't tell him no. I just love him so much (and he knows this and uses it against me, I know) I don't want to feel like the cause (he uses) to go back to drugs.
A halfway house may be a good place to start for him, but I know without a doubt that he would loose his mind if I even mentioned it. Also, no matter what it cost I can say with certainty that we could never afford it.
My goodness I'm a mess, eh?
I live with this constant fear that if I upset my son or make him angry (which isn't hard to do) when he does come back that I will be the cause of him going back to drugs. I know this is crazy thinking and it's really about him and his choices. Even when I talk to him now on the phone..I am weak. If I need to tell him something or he wants me to do something for him and I dont think it's a good idea or something like that I am scared to tell him. I try to build myself up before I talk to him, but as soon as I start to hear the upset/anger in his voice I fold. I can't figure it out, I can't tell him no. I just love him so much (and he knows this and uses it against me, I know) I don't want to feel like the cause (he uses) to go back to drugs.
A halfway house may be a good place to start for him, but I know without a doubt that he would loose his mind if I even mentioned it. Also, no matter what it cost I can say with certainty that we could never afford it.
My goodness I'm a mess, eh?
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
You're afraid of your son, allowing him to hold you hostage, and he's not even home yet. It will get worse for you and everyone there, unless he's already 100% committed to recovery, and it doesn't exactly sound like he is. Recovery is more than sobriety.
Please find some Alanon meetings and/or a therapist ASAP. On the off chance everything goes great with your son, you'll still be left with your issues. If you read around the forums, you'll discover our codependency issues don't go away. They either get better or worse, depending on what we do about them.
A halfway house/sober residence will require he gets a job. He'll be able to pay his own rent
Please find some Alanon meetings and/or a therapist ASAP. On the off chance everything goes great with your son, you'll still be left with your issues. If you read around the forums, you'll discover our codependency issues don't go away. They either get better or worse, depending on what we do about them.
A halfway house/sober residence will require he gets a job. He'll be able to pay his own rent
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I want to set rules and guidelines for him
Set rules and guidelines FOR YOURSELF. Not for him. these are called personal boundaries and they are absolutely essential when dealing with addicts (in recovery or not.)
Your boundaries should be based on the kind of behavior you will allow in your house and around you and your other children. They should not focus on trying to control your adult son's behavior. Because telling him what he can and cannot do isn't going to work. he's an adult and he deserves to make mistakes and suffer consequences for those mistakes if he so chooses. However, you don't have to allow that kind of behavior in your house.
EXAMPLES OF MY BOUNDARIES
I deserve respect. If I feel like someone is disrespecting me, I will leave the situation immediately.
No drugs in my home. If I suspect someone is using drugs, I will ask them to leave immediately. If they do not leave, I WILL call the police.
My house is not a flophouse for people to sleep off hangovers. I will not allow it. That person will be made to leave immediately.
Every adult in my house must be contributing to the household. If they are unable to find a job and contribute, they can do projects around the house to contribute (And to help you figure out where to start, here's a list.... painting, repairs, gardening, etc etc.)
I am no ones maid. I will not clean up after you.
No MTV in my house.
No swearing around my child. You will be asked to leave.
If a person tells me they are going to call me or show up at a certain time, they better follow through. If they don't I will not chase them down and I will reserve the right to never contact them again.
I expect honesty from everyone in my life. If i suspect someone is lying to me, they will no longer be a part of my life.
I will not loan money to friends/family members so DO NOT ASK.
etc etc....
I deserve respect. If I feel like someone is disrespecting me, I will leave the situation immediately.
No drugs in my home. If I suspect someone is using drugs, I will ask them to leave immediately. If they do not leave, I WILL call the police.
My house is not a flophouse for people to sleep off hangovers. I will not allow it. That person will be made to leave immediately.
Every adult in my house must be contributing to the household. If they are unable to find a job and contribute, they can do projects around the house to contribute (And to help you figure out where to start, here's a list.... painting, repairs, gardening, etc etc.)
I am no ones maid. I will not clean up after you.
No MTV in my house.
No swearing around my child. You will be asked to leave.
If a person tells me they are going to call me or show up at a certain time, they better follow through. If they don't I will not chase them down and I will reserve the right to never contact them again.
I expect honesty from everyone in my life. If i suspect someone is lying to me, they will no longer be a part of my life.
I will not loan money to friends/family members so DO NOT ASK.
etc etc....
I've been enforcing the same boundaries for YEARS now and they give me a lot of peace and serenity.
Al-anon is a great place for you to meet other people in your area and find face to face support. Have you looked into those meetings? I'm sure they will be a lifeline for you.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 11
Those boundaries are excellent..I agree with everything there. I may use it as my guidline when I make my own list.
I have actually checked into Al-anon meetings and found a few in my area. I don't know why I haven't actually went to a meeting yet..I am kinda worried about him finding out (there again with worrying about him getting angry).
My husband and I have discussed when a good time to tell him the house rules..we weren't real sure. I had thought about doing it while he was still in prison, but I thought he may just agree to everything just to make sure he had a way home, then we talked about doing it on the drive home (it's a 15+ hr drive) but I didn't want him to think I was "starting in" on him already. We had kinda decided to just wait until he gets home and settled.
I have actually checked into Al-anon meetings and found a few in my area. I don't know why I haven't actually went to a meeting yet..I am kinda worried about him finding out (there again with worrying about him getting angry).
My husband and I have discussed when a good time to tell him the house rules..we weren't real sure. I had thought about doing it while he was still in prison, but I thought he may just agree to everything just to make sure he had a way home, then we talked about doing it on the drive home (it's a 15+ hr drive) but I didn't want him to think I was "starting in" on him already. We had kinda decided to just wait until he gets home and settled.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Tell him now - mail him the list so there are no surpises when he gets out. He's an adult. he can CHOOSE to live under your roof with respect or he can somewhere else.
That said, if I was AFRAID of someone (like you have repeatedly indicated in your posts) I most likely wouldn't allow them to live with me. "NO" is a complete sentence.
That said, if I was AFRAID of someone (like you have repeatedly indicated in your posts) I most likely wouldn't allow them to live with me. "NO" is a complete sentence.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 11
In all honesty he has been very abusive verbaly to me and other family members, calling us names and cussing at us. Once about 3 or 4 yrs ago he did jump me after him and I were having an argument. He was mad because he wanted to go to a friends house that I didn't approve of and he threw a remote control and hit his little sister with it. He wasn't aiming for her, she just walked by at the wrong time. When here did it I turned to back hand him and he jumped on my head while we were sitting on the couch. I kicked him off with my legs and he left the house. He was probably close to 17 when that happened.
I don't know if those things have anything to do with it or not. It may just be that I'm afraid, like I have said before, it may just be the fear of making him made and him taking off to God knows where. He has ran away more than once in the past, and I have a fear of getting one of those phone calls..
I don't know if those things have anything to do with it or not. It may just be that I'm afraid, like I have said before, it may just be the fear of making him made and him taking off to God knows where. He has ran away more than once in the past, and I have a fear of getting one of those phone calls..
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 11
I don't want you guys to get the wrong impression of my fears. I am not affraid of him physically at all. I just don't want him to leave and start doing drugs again and possibly get hurt. I know that is not a rational fear either because nothing I do or don't do can control that. I am guilty of letting him control a lot of situations though. I have to find the strenght to not let him do that, I know.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Palm Beach, Fl
Posts: 142
Is he allowed to receive and send mail? If so, mail him the list so he has a chance to decide if he will be able to honor and abide by your boundries. If not, there are homeless centers (Salvation Army, etc.). You will be able to tell the tone of his humbleness (or not) in his letters to you. Although he may be repentative now and get a short memory after being out after a while.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Posts: 11
Originally Posted by anvilhead
you are in a tough position right now Paula....and we ARE here to help support you. i do think that your fears might be co-mingled....on the one hand you don't want him blowing up and running off........on the other you won't want him blowing up period.
somewhere along the way your son learned that the more of a fit he pitched, the more he got his way, cuz he had everybody jumping thru hoops trying to appease hime. that gave him POWER. right now it goes against everything you have learned in dealing with this boy to stand up to him, to set CLEAR non-negotiable rules and firm boundaries....but IMHO you MUST in order to get the rest of you thru this next period.
think about this, mom. he JOINED the military, not exactly the country club....they have rules, tough ones, and they don't mess around. they don't DO touchy feely. AND WHAT HAPPENED??? he went and did exactly what he knew he wasn't supposed to......and what did THEY do? locked his punk ass up. mypoint is, you have no more control over what this man child plans to do than the Air Force did.
you have 3 other children that will be imprinted with what happens next...they will either see mom and dad stand strong and lovingly enforce boundaries, demand respect as well as give it, be guides and leaders.....OR let the hellion come back and take over the house and see who "accidently" gets hurt next.
somewhere along the way your son learned that the more of a fit he pitched, the more he got his way, cuz he had everybody jumping thru hoops trying to appease hime. that gave him POWER. right now it goes against everything you have learned in dealing with this boy to stand up to him, to set CLEAR non-negotiable rules and firm boundaries....but IMHO you MUST in order to get the rest of you thru this next period.
think about this, mom. he JOINED the military, not exactly the country club....they have rules, tough ones, and they don't mess around. they don't DO touchy feely. AND WHAT HAPPENED??? he went and did exactly what he knew he wasn't supposed to......and what did THEY do? locked his punk ass up. mypoint is, you have no more control over what this man child plans to do than the Air Force did.
you have 3 other children that will be imprinted with what happens next...they will either see mom and dad stand strong and lovingly enforce boundaries, demand respect as well as give it, be guides and leaders.....OR let the hellion come back and take over the house and see who "accidently" gets hurt next.
I am passive by nature, I am called the peace keeper in my family. I always tend to have a hard time being assertive with anyone and with his addiction I suppose it just makes it even harder for me.
He is allowed to send and receive letters (he actually calls almost every day too). I will sit down and write one to him with the guidelines for the house. If he doesn't like the rules he'll probably end up at one of his so-called "friends" house. Heck, he might end up there anyway.
Speaking of his friends..do you guys think it is fair of me to tell him I don't want them to come to my house? They are definitely bad for him. I'm sure I already know the answer to that though. They are the kind of friends that he holds tight to, but when he is/was in trouble in the military they didn't have anything to do with him. In fact they didn't even show up to his BMT graduation. He pretty much begged them for letters when he first got to basic and not a single one of them gave him the time of day! But he sure can't wait to get home to see them. He just makes excuses on why the don't write and anything like that. I makes me so mad to hear him talk about them.
Ok..sorry for the rambling..this is just the first time I have ever talked to anyone who knows what I'm going through. I feel like spilling my guts so to speak I guess.
Thank you all so much for all the advice you are giving to me..I finally feel like I am being heard.
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Speaking of his friends..do you guys think it is fair of me to tell him I don't want them to come to my house? They are definitely bad for him. I'm sure I already know the answer to that though. They are the kind of friends that he holds tight to, but when he is/was in trouble in the military they didn't have anything to do with him. In fact they didn't even show up to his BMT graduation. He pretty much begged them for letters when he first got to basic and not a single one of them gave him the time of day! But he sure can't wait to get home to see them. He just makes excuses on why the don't write and anything like that. I makes me so mad to hear him talk about them.
It's YOUR home and you have the right to make the rules. If you don't want certain people in your home, that is your right and yes, you should tell him.
It's YOUR home and you have the right to make the rules. If you don't want certain people in your home, that is your right and yes, you should tell him.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Ok..sorry for the rambling..this is just the first time I have ever talked to anyone who knows what I'm going through. I feel like spilling my guts so to speak I guess.
this is the place for rambling gut spilling. everyone here wants to help you.
we understand.
Beth
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 11
Thank you wicked. The shoulders to cry on and wisdom here are greatly needed and appreciated!
I am working on the guidline letter to my son. I am uncertain about things I should or shouldn't put in the letter. For example: I have been doing a lot of reading on here and yes, I have determind that I am a codependant (if y'all haven't figured that out already..haha) anyhow, should I let him know that I am too in the process of healing myself from this codependancy? I don't want to do anything or say anything that may have an adverse affect on his treatment there. I just don't know how to talk to him and convey these things..I am not yet educated in this area.
I have a TON to learn!
I am working on the guidline letter to my son. I am uncertain about things I should or shouldn't put in the letter. For example: I have been doing a lot of reading on here and yes, I have determind that I am a codependant (if y'all haven't figured that out already..haha) anyhow, should I let him know that I am too in the process of healing myself from this codependancy? I don't want to do anything or say anything that may have an adverse affect on his treatment there. I just don't know how to talk to him and convey these things..I am not yet educated in this area.
I have a TON to learn!
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Greetings from Another mom to welcome you.
There are sober living homes like Oxford House all over the country.
There are some that are on a sliding scale.
They will req. him to be sober, find work, etc.
Put out another post here asking for suggestions.
Maybe you can agree to pay the 1st mo. or two of sober living hse. Have it set up for him 2 go directly there from his current placement.
He follows rules and pays from then on, or he is out ...w/ no chance of your house being the option for his failure.
He needs his conseq. + reward system 2 come from someone besides you + your house. This does mean that if he stays sober he will be a participant in the family...but not living under your roof. Let him go out into the world and prove himself worthy...rescuing him will serve no purpose for any of you.
This is my experience.
There are sober living homes like Oxford House all over the country.
There are some that are on a sliding scale.
They will req. him to be sober, find work, etc.
Put out another post here asking for suggestions.
Maybe you can agree to pay the 1st mo. or two of sober living hse. Have it set up for him 2 go directly there from his current placement.
He follows rules and pays from then on, or he is out ...w/ no chance of your house being the option for his failure.
He needs his conseq. + reward system 2 come from someone besides you + your house. This does mean that if he stays sober he will be a participant in the family...but not living under your roof. Let him go out into the world and prove himself worthy...rescuing him will serve no purpose for any of you.
This is my experience.
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Hello from a mom who was in a similar situation until recently. I too thought that it would be better to let my son stay under my roof and thought I was helping him and giving him a better chance of being clean. When his behaviour indicated differently, I was too scared to ask him to go. I was scared of his anger and blame and scared that I would be sending him to a certain life on the streets.
I eventually found out that all my "help" has only helped him starting to deal drugs. I finally got the guts to insist that he leaves and have not heard from him since.
The suggestions to get him into a half way house are really good. Whatever his anger will be when you tell him, will be nothing compared to the outbursts awaiting you if you let him back in your house and he has to live by your rules and can't hav his friends over. That way you can meet with him and see how serious he is about recovering.
I wish you the best of luck. It is hard to let go of our wayward children and hard to accept that we cannot control or cure them. This forum with its very wise people has been godsend to me.
I eventually found out that all my "help" has only helped him starting to deal drugs. I finally got the guts to insist that he leaves and have not heard from him since.
The suggestions to get him into a half way house are really good. Whatever his anger will be when you tell him, will be nothing compared to the outbursts awaiting you if you let him back in your house and he has to live by your rules and can't hav his friends over. That way you can meet with him and see how serious he is about recovering.
I wish you the best of luck. It is hard to let go of our wayward children and hard to accept that we cannot control or cure them. This forum with its very wise people has been godsend to me.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Paula)) - you say you don't want to
"do anything or say anything that may have an adverse affect on his treatment there"
I'm an RA (recovering addict) as well as a recovering codie (codependent). I can promise you that there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING you CAN do to affect his treatment because you don't have that much power. Oh, he may BLAME you if something doesn't go right (most addicts do, rather than admit they make their own decisions) but I can assure you, we A's (addicts) will use only because we want to, and we will get into recovery when we want to.
I have over 3 years clean, and short of someone holding a gun to my head, saying "smoke this dope!", I don't see anyone doing/saying anything that could possibly make me use, and I've been through some pretty rough times. I want recovery that bad.
I got into recovery because my family loved me enough to step back, let me fall on my face and find a way to get back up. The sooner your son has to face consequences of his actions (like not being allowed to live at home if he has unacceptable behavior and/or uses drugs; if he gets locked up again, let him stay there; etc.) the faster he will find out that life on drugs isn't all he thinks it is....or at least we can hope and pray.
I do hope you go to the al-anon meetings and get support for you...loving an addict is hard, and it can suck the life right out of you if you let it. You, your husband and your other kids deserve a good life....regardless of what your son does, and you CAN have it. We can love our A's...yet give them the dignity of finding their own way.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
"do anything or say anything that may have an adverse affect on his treatment there"
I'm an RA (recovering addict) as well as a recovering codie (codependent). I can promise you that there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING you CAN do to affect his treatment because you don't have that much power. Oh, he may BLAME you if something doesn't go right (most addicts do, rather than admit they make their own decisions) but I can assure you, we A's (addicts) will use only because we want to, and we will get into recovery when we want to.
I have over 3 years clean, and short of someone holding a gun to my head, saying "smoke this dope!", I don't see anyone doing/saying anything that could possibly make me use, and I've been through some pretty rough times. I want recovery that bad.
I got into recovery because my family loved me enough to step back, let me fall on my face and find a way to get back up. The sooner your son has to face consequences of his actions (like not being allowed to live at home if he has unacceptable behavior and/or uses drugs; if he gets locked up again, let him stay there; etc.) the faster he will find out that life on drugs isn't all he thinks it is....or at least we can hope and pray.
I do hope you go to the al-anon meetings and get support for you...loving an addict is hard, and it can suck the life right out of you if you let it. You, your husband and your other kids deserve a good life....regardless of what your son does, and you CAN have it. We can love our A's...yet give them the dignity of finding their own way.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 11
You are right! I know everyone here is right, but why do I keep saying things as if I do have "power" to affect the outcome? I have always blamed myself for his addiction in some way or another..I have asked myself a million times, "where did I drop the ball? What did I miss early on that I should have seen as parent, but didn't?" My son's real dad is a hard core drug addict as well. He never really had a relationship with him, and I thought by them not having that relationship he was "safe".
Trying to retrain my way of thinking is hard. I have been told so many times he did this to himself and in my mind I know this, but those thoughts keep creeping back in my head and I replay them over and over again.
Trying to retrain my way of thinking is hard. I have been told so many times he did this to himself and in my mind I know this, but those thoughts keep creeping back in my head and I replay them over and over again.
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