I signed the divorce papers today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
I signed the divorce papers today
...and XAH gets served on or around Monday the 12th of April. Our preliminary court date is set for May 3rd at 9h00. Though I had initially wanted to ask for joint custody with XAH getting access rights, his dwindling interest in DD seems to indicate that he's slowly disengaging from her and reforming his "family" elsewhere. My lawyer suggested that we ask for sole custody with child support, and that if XAH wants access rights, he has to show up on May 3rd and contest. In the event that he does show up, we have to try to agree to some sort of settlement to avoid a long and costly court battle, which would only even begin in about 4 months. Our first court date to obtain the divorce decree is on May 31st.
In the event that XAH doesn't show up in court on May 3rd, I will go with my lawyer and we will go before a judge to request a judgment by default, whereby I obtain sole legal and physical custody of DD. If this is what happens (and I'm really crossing my fingers here), then I may even obtain my divorce decree earlier than October 31st!!!
As excited as this prospect makes me, I'm trying very hard to remind myself that I cannot control the outcome of things and that what's meant to happen will happen. I'm not in the driver's seat; that's HP's job.
I'm a bit--ok REALLY, apprehensive about his reaction to being served. We have a week-end visit scheduled for this Sunday, as usual, and I'Ve asked that he be served Monday instead of Friday. Now I realize that perhaps I should have asked that he be served Friday and perhaps he'd cancel visitation altogether. Or...he's do the visitation and confront me. Ugh I don't know.
I honestly feel as though I'm lobbing a grenade into XAH's camp and huddling behind a boulder, my arms over my head to protect myself from the crap that'll come from XAH's apocalyptic reaction. Perhaps I'll get a nice gift from HP and XAH won't react at all.
Regarding child support, since I don't know where XAH currently work and I only have access to his 2008 tax report--where he claimed earnings of only 12K because he was living off me, he'd only owe 300$ per year. I'm honestly glad about this because I know that child support might motivate XAH to want to take DD more than his usual 4 hours a week. Or not. I never know with XAH. It's a game of "wait and see what the crazyman does" with him.
And so,...it is a momentous day for me, my dear SR family! I've taken a step in finalizing things between XAH and I, and closing the door on the most nightmarish part of my life so far. It's quite a change for me to be the "do-er" and not the "reactor". It's...exciting and a bit scary, but I think I can get used to this.
In the event that XAH doesn't show up in court on May 3rd, I will go with my lawyer and we will go before a judge to request a judgment by default, whereby I obtain sole legal and physical custody of DD. If this is what happens (and I'm really crossing my fingers here), then I may even obtain my divorce decree earlier than October 31st!!!
As excited as this prospect makes me, I'm trying very hard to remind myself that I cannot control the outcome of things and that what's meant to happen will happen. I'm not in the driver's seat; that's HP's job.
I'm a bit--ok REALLY, apprehensive about his reaction to being served. We have a week-end visit scheduled for this Sunday, as usual, and I'Ve asked that he be served Monday instead of Friday. Now I realize that perhaps I should have asked that he be served Friday and perhaps he'd cancel visitation altogether. Or...he's do the visitation and confront me. Ugh I don't know.
I honestly feel as though I'm lobbing a grenade into XAH's camp and huddling behind a boulder, my arms over my head to protect myself from the crap that'll come from XAH's apocalyptic reaction. Perhaps I'll get a nice gift from HP and XAH won't react at all.
Regarding child support, since I don't know where XAH currently work and I only have access to his 2008 tax report--where he claimed earnings of only 12K because he was living off me, he'd only owe 300$ per year. I'm honestly glad about this because I know that child support might motivate XAH to want to take DD more than his usual 4 hours a week. Or not. I never know with XAH. It's a game of "wait and see what the crazyman does" with him.
And so,...it is a momentous day for me, my dear SR family! I've taken a step in finalizing things between XAH and I, and closing the door on the most nightmarish part of my life so far. It's quite a change for me to be the "do-er" and not the "reactor". It's...exciting and a bit scary, but I think I can get used to this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Ok Hon, I will up the ante on the prayers for you to have as little trouble about custody etc, from your STBXAH, as possible and for your divorce to go forward easily.
You should go to a hill top and shout out loud...Now who's AN IDIOT?
See what a name change does for you.....it puts fire in your belly.
God bless
You should go to a hill top and shout out loud...Now who's AN IDIOT?
See what a name change does for you.....it puts fire in your belly.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Oh, and another thing...right between the time the divorce proceedings get served and when we go to court for the first time, I have my first appointment to get my yucky tattoo--with XAH's initials on it, covered with this GORGEOUS piece my tattoo artist designed for me (a lotus blossom floating on water). By the time we're in court again, I may even have it completed! I'll post some pics of it when it's done!
Man, I'm starting to like the word "change".
Man, I'm starting to like the word "change".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I've followed your story for a long time. You've come so far and you are doing great girl! Things will work out as long as you keep making wise choices for you and your daughter.
I truly believe that. It's my mantra.
I truly believe that. It's my mantra.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I honestly feel as though I'm lobbing a grenade into XAH's camp and huddling behind a boulder,
You're doing fine, noday. This is what's best for you, and best for your daughter.
Hang in there.
And we want to see that tattoo (what, you didn't like my idea to add ....is a jerk.... to his name?
)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by Jadmack25 
I am sure you will be on target, but to be sure....here are the instructions for lobbing.
God bless
God bless
I'm not in the driver's seat; that's HP's job.
It takes guts to change... best wishes for best outcome for you and your daughter.
nodaybut2day... new name suggestion LobbingLotus :rotfxko
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by MissFixit
Best Wishes!
Is that on okay thing to say?
Is that on okay thing to say?
BEST WISHES FOR A SUNSHINE DAY
Author: ADINE CATHEY
MAY BUTTERFLIES MAKE YOUR MORNINGS BRIGHT,
MAY SUNSHINE DISPERSE THE DARKNESS OF THE NIGHT.
MAY MORNING GLORIES BLOOM IN HUES OF BLUE,
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES AND DREAMS COME TRUE.
MAY THE WINDING COUNTRY ROAD YOU STROLL,
MAY IT BE SHADED WITH TREES AND BIRDS YOU KNOW.
MAY YOU ENJOY THE WONDERS OF THE SEASON,
MAY WONDERFUL THINGS HAPPEN FOR A GOOD REASON.
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE HAPPINESS EACH AND EVERY DAY,
MAY THE FLUFFY WHITE CLOUDS DRIFT BY TAKING AWAY THE GRAY.
MAY YOU ALWAYS BE BLESSED WITH GOOD HEALTH,
MAY YOUR YEARS BE BLESSED WITH JUST ENOUGH WEALTH.
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE FRIENDS ON THIS JOURNEY YOU TAKE,
MAY EACH MORNING BE PLEASANT AS YOU AWAKE.
MAY GOD LOOK OVER YOU EACH AND EVERY DAY AS YOU OFTEN PRAY,
MAY YOU BE BLESSED WITH A GUARDIAN ANGEL AS YOU TRAVEL ON YOUR WAY.
MAY YOU ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING IN THE DECISIONS YOU MAKE,
MAY THE ROAD ALWAYS BE THE RIGHT CHOICE IN THE ONE YOU TAKE.
MAY THE LORD ALWAYS BE AT YOUR SIDE,
MAY YOU ENJOY LIFE AND BE JOYOUS WHILE IN THIS LIFE YOU STRIVE.
MAY YOU ALWAYS TRY TO DO YOUR BEST AND FORGIVE,
MAY YOU REMEMBER THERE WILL BE TESTS EACH DAY YOU LIVE.
MAY YOU BE ABLE TO FORGET AND ERASE THE PAIN,
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE SUNSHINE AS EACH DAY STARTS ONCE AGAIN.
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED,
MAY YOU ALWAYS MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION AND TAKE OUT THE WEEDS.
MAY ALL LIFE'S BLESSINGS BE BESTOWED ON YOU,
MAY YOU ENJOY YOUR DAY - NO MATTER WHAT YOU MAY DO.
MAY YOU ALWAYS BE ABLE TO SMILE WITH EACH DAY WHEN IT IS NEW,
MAY YOU APPRECIATE A ROSE TOUCHED WITH THE MORNING DEW.
MAY YOU BE ABLE TO FORGET ALL THE HURTS OF LONG AGO,
MAY ALL THESE BLESSINGS BE YOURS - DON'T WASTE LIFE - TRAVEL SLOW.
Written.......August 17, 2008
This little poem was written to relay blessings I want to send my Grandchildren.
I want them to enjoy their life, but don't waste it and always take the time to
"smell the roses."
Author: ADINE CATHEY
MAY BUTTERFLIES MAKE YOUR MORNINGS BRIGHT,
MAY SUNSHINE DISPERSE THE DARKNESS OF THE NIGHT.
MAY MORNING GLORIES BLOOM IN HUES OF BLUE,
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES AND DREAMS COME TRUE.
MAY THE WINDING COUNTRY ROAD YOU STROLL,
MAY IT BE SHADED WITH TREES AND BIRDS YOU KNOW.
MAY YOU ENJOY THE WONDERS OF THE SEASON,
MAY WONDERFUL THINGS HAPPEN FOR A GOOD REASON.
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE HAPPINESS EACH AND EVERY DAY,
MAY THE FLUFFY WHITE CLOUDS DRIFT BY TAKING AWAY THE GRAY.
MAY YOU ALWAYS BE BLESSED WITH GOOD HEALTH,
MAY YOUR YEARS BE BLESSED WITH JUST ENOUGH WEALTH.
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE FRIENDS ON THIS JOURNEY YOU TAKE,
MAY EACH MORNING BE PLEASANT AS YOU AWAKE.
MAY GOD LOOK OVER YOU EACH AND EVERY DAY AS YOU OFTEN PRAY,
MAY YOU BE BLESSED WITH A GUARDIAN ANGEL AS YOU TRAVEL ON YOUR WAY.
MAY YOU ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING IN THE DECISIONS YOU MAKE,
MAY THE ROAD ALWAYS BE THE RIGHT CHOICE IN THE ONE YOU TAKE.
MAY THE LORD ALWAYS BE AT YOUR SIDE,
MAY YOU ENJOY LIFE AND BE JOYOUS WHILE IN THIS LIFE YOU STRIVE.
MAY YOU ALWAYS TRY TO DO YOUR BEST AND FORGIVE,
MAY YOU REMEMBER THERE WILL BE TESTS EACH DAY YOU LIVE.
MAY YOU BE ABLE TO FORGET AND ERASE THE PAIN,
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE SUNSHINE AS EACH DAY STARTS ONCE AGAIN.
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED,
MAY YOU ALWAYS MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION AND TAKE OUT THE WEEDS.
MAY ALL LIFE'S BLESSINGS BE BESTOWED ON YOU,
MAY YOU ENJOY YOUR DAY - NO MATTER WHAT YOU MAY DO.
MAY YOU ALWAYS BE ABLE TO SMILE WITH EACH DAY WHEN IT IS NEW,
MAY YOU APPRECIATE A ROSE TOUCHED WITH THE MORNING DEW.
MAY YOU BE ABLE TO FORGET ALL THE HURTS OF LONG AGO,
MAY ALL THESE BLESSINGS BE YOURS - DON'T WASTE LIFE - TRAVEL SLOW.
Written.......August 17, 2008
This little poem was written to relay blessings I want to send my Grandchildren.
I want them to enjoy their life, but don't waste it and always take the time to
"smell the roses."
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
NDB2D - This is very exciting and a bit scary, but we all know HP will take care of you no matter what! My prayers are with you and DD. I had no idea you were only this far into the process, since I've been on F/F, you've always sounded so sure of yourself, wise and grounded. It's so cool to see progress in our family here!
Huggs!
Tigg
Huggs!
Tigg
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
