mel2010

I'm new to this board. A little background about me. I have three children from a previous marriage and one child with my fiancee who is an alcoholic that is currently in a 90 day treatmetn center. I find in difficult balancing my life and having communication and visits from him. I worry when he doesn't call and anxious when he comes around. I realize that I have my own recovering to do on my own and that I have co-dependency issues as a result and I am tired of living this way. I love him dearly and he is making an honest effort and does not want to live by the bottle no more, but I am still holding on to the past. I am still angry because my family disowned me because i choose to support my partner in recovery and I just feel lost. I feel like I am creating chaos around me because that is what I have been used to and I just want it to stop. I have attended Alanon groups in my area, but I cannot relate to any one there. They are all twice my age and still living with active addicts. I just need some support or advice out there because right now I feel alone.

grrl77

I think right now, the best thing you can do is snag that book from Melody Beattie called "Codependent No More." It's probably the best $8 I've ever spent. Your fiancee's working out his problems in rehab right now, which is going to be huge for him, it's your turn now, too. Find an Al-Anon meeting and pick up that book. Time to focus on yourself, girlie.

Oh. And post here. A LOT. Read other posts. I know for me, it's helped *immensely.* Hang in there!

TakingCharge999

Hi mel!

Glad you joined this forum. Read the "Stickies" on the top part of the forum, lots of useful information there.

There is much healing going on daily over here....remember the 3 Cs

We cant control them
We cant cure them
We didnt cause their issues

All those feelings you got can be worked on and the result will be a wiser, more peaceful you. And nothing else, no one else can stop you if you are decided to go for it... that's good news!!!!!!!

freefalling

Dear Mel

Glad you joined SR. Here you will find a lot of knowledge, encouragement and if you need it - some tough love even (LOL). I am glad your fiancee looked for help.Just remember to look after yourself as we can only change and control ourselves.

Hugs

Spiritual Seeker

It always is only about us. YOU have to get the focus on yourself and get healthy for the sake of your kids who are feeling the chaos too. When your guy gets back you can only have a healthy relationship if you both change..
Don't dismiss al-anon so quickly. That's why we say keep coming back.
It has been a miracle in my life...it took yrs. of keep going back, working the steps, finding just the right home mtg, reading the literature, getting a sponsor, leading mtgs., etc.
You see your part in this which is a good beginning for change.
While focused on his recovery and your own, be sure to nurture those kids and make sure their voices are heard, their feelings validated, etc.

Jadmack25

Welcome here and I second the suggestions for Alanon and getting "Codependent No More." If your fiancee really works his recovery program, you will probably feel a bit left out as he spends time at meetings, with sponsor etc, so this is where working your program can "steady the ship."

To be blunt about it, whether he does keep up his sobriety and is busy in his recovery, or he relapses and is busy drinking, either way you are going to need your own program for help.
Alanon, here at SR and reading literature, books, and articles online can save you......

I hope he does well, and you are both happy together.

God bless