Child of an Alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 1
Child of an Alcoholic
I've been lurking around here for about a week or so, but after today's events I decided to finally join.
I am the daughter of an alcoholic. I'm 27 years old, unmarried, unemployed and just enrolled in graduate school to get my Masters in Information Science (I want to be an archivist librarian). I unfortunately don't have enough income to support myself while unemployed, so I moved back in with my parents. I don't drink or smoke; I rarely drink alcoholic substances, and in fact I always make sure to avoid drinking if I'm the one who has to drive.
I have two older brothers: one is married with two children and lives in a nearby city (about a 40 minute drive), the other is married with one child and lives in the South. My father is 70 and my mother is 67; both are retired, but my father stays active in his profession on a part-time basis.
My mother is the alcoholic, and she is a fully unrepetant drinker. She refuses to acknowledge that she's an alcoholic or that she needs help. Today for Easter, my brother invited me and my parents to come to his local church for Mass and then a nice lunch at their house. My mother initially promised to come, but then changed her mind this morning (she dislikes my brother's wife because she's the most vocal about my mother's drinking), which made me very angry. I felt angry, hurt and disappointed for the entire day, and when my father and I got home I just lost my temper at her. So here I am.
It was an enormously difficult decision to come back and live with my parents. I had nowhere else to go (I lost my job due to cutbacks), and I know my mother and father are supportive of me, but I dread living with an alcoholic. I feel sad, angry, disappointed and frightened: sad that she chooses her gin and tonics over visiting her three grandchildren, angry that she very rarely visited me when I lived on my own (the next state over), disappointed that she'll probably never change, and frightened of what the future might hold for her. I rarely vocalize my feelings to her because always dismisses or deflects my comments, but today I couldn't keep it pent up anymore. I rarely lose my temper, but today was an exception.
I don't know what to do. I feel so frustrated and heartbroken right now. My father has no idea what to do, and my brothers seem to have resigned themselves to my mother's mood swings and selfish choices. I didn't know who or where to turn to for help.
Thank you for listening to me.
I am the daughter of an alcoholic. I'm 27 years old, unmarried, unemployed and just enrolled in graduate school to get my Masters in Information Science (I want to be an archivist librarian). I unfortunately don't have enough income to support myself while unemployed, so I moved back in with my parents. I don't drink or smoke; I rarely drink alcoholic substances, and in fact I always make sure to avoid drinking if I'm the one who has to drive.
I have two older brothers: one is married with two children and lives in a nearby city (about a 40 minute drive), the other is married with one child and lives in the South. My father is 70 and my mother is 67; both are retired, but my father stays active in his profession on a part-time basis.
My mother is the alcoholic, and she is a fully unrepetant drinker. She refuses to acknowledge that she's an alcoholic or that she needs help. Today for Easter, my brother invited me and my parents to come to his local church for Mass and then a nice lunch at their house. My mother initially promised to come, but then changed her mind this morning (she dislikes my brother's wife because she's the most vocal about my mother's drinking), which made me very angry. I felt angry, hurt and disappointed for the entire day, and when my father and I got home I just lost my temper at her. So here I am.
It was an enormously difficult decision to come back and live with my parents. I had nowhere else to go (I lost my job due to cutbacks), and I know my mother and father are supportive of me, but I dread living with an alcoholic. I feel sad, angry, disappointed and frightened: sad that she chooses her gin and tonics over visiting her three grandchildren, angry that she very rarely visited me when I lived on my own (the next state over), disappointed that she'll probably never change, and frightened of what the future might hold for her. I rarely vocalize my feelings to her because always dismisses or deflects my comments, but today I couldn't keep it pent up anymore. I rarely lose my temper, but today was an exception.
I don't know what to do. I feel so frustrated and heartbroken right now. My father has no idea what to do, and my brothers seem to have resigned themselves to my mother's mood swings and selfish choices. I didn't know who or where to turn to for help.
Thank you for listening to me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
we will always listen to you.
glad you found this site. there is much you can do to educate yourself, practice detaching from your mother, and receive support.
you're in a tough spot. have you ever gone to al-anon? how bout your dad? he is older, and a bit set in his thinking, but he is intelligent - it's never too late to start making changes in one's life.
as for vocalizing your feelings to your mother, you're right to keep most of that to yourself. as you have already experienced, it does no good anyway. there are things you CAN do, however, and you'll find some of them out on this forum.
glad you found this site. there is much you can do to educate yourself, practice detaching from your mother, and receive support.
you're in a tough spot. have you ever gone to al-anon? how bout your dad? he is older, and a bit set in his thinking, but he is intelligent - it's never too late to start making changes in one's life.
as for vocalizing your feelings to your mother, you're right to keep most of that to yourself. as you have already experienced, it does no good anyway. there are things you CAN do, however, and you'll find some of them out on this forum.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the Sober Recovery Family!
Pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home. We are open 24/7 (weekends are a little slow).
I also recommend Alanon meetings for face to face support. You will learn skills to help you take better care of yourself and not get caught up in the craziness of someone else's addiction.
I know what it feels like to hold it all inside and then explode my feelings all over the other person. I feel lousy and they feel they have another reason to drink.
Venting your frustrations here and at Alanon meetings are a healthier choice. We understand the frustration and will try to help you process your feelings of anger and resentment.
We care about you!
Pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home. We are open 24/7 (weekends are a little slow).
I also recommend Alanon meetings for face to face support. You will learn skills to help you take better care of yourself and not get caught up in the craziness of someone else's addiction.
I know what it feels like to hold it all inside and then explode my feelings all over the other person. I feel lousy and they feel they have another reason to drink.
Venting your frustrations here and at Alanon meetings are a healthier choice. We understand the frustration and will try to help you process your feelings of anger and resentment.
We care about you!
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