stilllearning

I've been in Al-anon six months now and am working the steps with a sponsor. Sometimes it's exhausting and sometimes it's liberating. I'm about to finish step three and am nervous but hopeful about step four - which is going to be a major housecleaning.

Sometimes I'm relieved that I have a program to work, sometimes I'm sad and dismayed at realizing how much of my behavior - relationships notwithstanding - is codependent. How I handle work, how I handle my day, how I've treated my body, you name it.

I can still get a good dose of the crazies about my ex - new information last weekend sent me into a two-day tailspin and I'm hoping that I won't be so vulnerable - or even care - as my recovery progresses.

I'm in much, much better shape than I was six months ago buuut .... sometimes recovery is rough. It's a very up and down process for me - but I seem to reach a better/more solid up when the ups happen - and I think that the downs are getting a bit shorter and easier to manage.

Has this been the experience of other folks in early recovery? Do things settle down? Do recovery behaviors start to become second nature?

Hugs and happy easter everyone,

SL.

grrl77

Have you checked out Melody Beatty's book, "Codependent No More?" Probably one of the best $8 I've ever spent and she talks about the cycles of recovery. It's pretty normal. Hang in there.

Freedom1990

Yes, yes, and yes!

:ghug3

coffeedrinker

i remember times when i would wish that i could jet back to "the old way". when i didn't have the awareness of what recovery is about. where i could just be the ignorant wife that i had been, cuz it was so hard.

glad to say those days are definitely behind me.

it's quite a process, isn't it?

Jadmack25

Same as DeVon. Yes, Yes and Yes.

God bless

Still Waters

Yes.

IamSaved

Absolutely YES!

transformyself

This is great news! Cause now that you're working so hard and healing your codependency, you can fix all those things: your body, your job, every moment of every day. There is hope because the only thing we can really change is ourselves.

The more I focus on myself, the more i'm accomplishing. Yes, there are periods of what Mike calls a "codie-relapse," but i keep learnign from them and changing the way I see myself, the way I treat myself and everyone else.

Changing behavior is hard.

freefalling

Yes ! and it is tough , but rewarding.

stilllearning

Thanks for the replies, folks - Coffeedrinker nailed it I think, ignorance wasn't bliss but this leg of the journey has its own ups and downs. And it is haaaaaard work sometimes. It is quite the process.

And to be honest, as an RA, I'm finding it very, very tough to see how damaging my "helping" behaviors that don't involve a substance can/have been. For RA's the damage is maybe more ... self-evident? As an alanonic, looking at attempts at "control" and seeing how misguided/self defeating they have been is a bit of a mind bend.

I'm getting to grips with the fact that I've been an alanonic since I was little - man, I wish I had found Al-ateen.

Grrrl, I don't have a copy of codependent no more. I have Meditations on Letting Go and borrowed CNM from the library some years ago but should probably order my own copy to keep.

SL

barb dwyer

Yes/not that I've noticed/and yes.

I'm not a 'settled down ' type of personality
so that one doesn't really apply to me I don't think.

I think we just get shown
time and again
where we may be weak
and what we've just learned.

But second nature?

heck NO!!!
It's FIRST nature!

I'm doing things and not even noticing
until a week LATER!

how kewl is that ?!?!?!?!

stilllearning

That is very, very cool Barb

And also really encouraging.

I'm about to start on step four and it's going to be a doozie.

SL.

barb dwyer

do it do it DO IT!!!!!

Don't let anything ANYTHING get in your way....
and when you hit 'the thing' -

you're going to KNOW it.

oh man I'm so STOKED for you!!! wooHOO!!!!