boywonder

Im new to this...
I am in the begining throws with a recovering addict. He is almost 1 year sober. Although we have been friends off and on for 15 years due to distance and life. We have recently reconnected and I am down right crazy about him. I am concerned about how a relationship will affect his sobriety...
He has a child from a previous relationship and doesn't get to be a part of her life as much as he would like. My boyfriend desperatly wants a family a normal life as he calls it. I love him and want to have a family with him but how does one know if he is ready?
I would have to relocate to make this normal life happen and am willing to do so just for the right time... and not to jepordize his recovery...
Any suggestions?

KeepPedaling

Why doesn't he get to be a part of her life as much as he would like? Is it because of his past behavior? He's not even a year sober?

I wouldn't pack your bags for the big move just yet. Aren't you a little bit concerned about jeopardizing YOUR emotional well being? It sounds like you're spending most of your time worrying, analyzing, and pondering him and what's good for him and what would help him. What about you? Have you ever dated an addict before?

My suggestion would be to take your time. Theres no rush, right?

freefalling

Welcome! This is a wonderful place to learn and share.

I agree with KP . I am currently divorcing my alcoholic husband of 22 years. He is still actively drinking.

1.If I ever get into a new relationship there will be huge red flags if I concentrate on the other person and analyze too much of his behaviour.
2.I also would want to see if he can truly be good to me as I want to be to him.
3.I would want to accept him/the situation as it is and not want to control him or the situation to be to my advantage.
4.I would want to trust him and I would not tolerate lying.
5.I would want emotional safety.

The above needs emotional stability from both sides. I learned this the hard way. Do you feel safe? If not it is a red flag!!!

boywonder

His past behavior is the reason for not being in his daughters life as much. He is really doing well at turning his life around.
I do feel very safe with him and he is honest and upfront about everything. I have never dated an addict before and thats why I am here. I care for him deeply and want to progress things, maybe not the move just yet but move forward non the less.
How do I make this a positive situation for the both of us?

wanting

I'm concerned that you've only recently reconnected with him and you're already thinking about moving to be with him and starting a family. That is a huge red flag, in my opinion. We have a few people on this forum who moved across the country to be with their amazing wonderful soulmate who was the only person they ever felt that way about and the connection was so awesome no one could really ever understand it. A lot of alcoholics are good at making people feel that way about them. I'm not saying your boyfriend is for sure one of those alcoholics, but I would just say take things really slow. Even though you've known him for 15 years, that doesn't mean you really know him. Get to know him better. Go out and visit a few times. If it's meant to be, waiting a bit isn't going to get in the way of that.

wanting

Ooh, I really like that!

oln

ive just been left by my partner, he has been sober for 9 years and has now started drinking again. we have been together for 15 years and have 2 children who are 5 and 7years old. i am terrified i will have to give him unsupervised access , alcoholics and children shouldn't mix. on top of that i have lost the man i loved to bits and my best friend, i wish i had runaway from him years ago when i had the chance, i thought it would all be fine and he would never relapse, its just not like that.My advice would be to learn all you can about alcoholics first, take things really slowly so you can make a decision with your eyes wide open.