ChildrenB4AW

My STBXAW (just figured out the acronym this evening) and I had our divorce mediation today. I was so nervous before it started, I thought I might throw up. I had no idea what she was going to do, but it seemed like she was planning on pretending that she has been sober for two years, but I couldn't believe that was really her strategy. Thankfully, that was her strategy. Her lawyer came in all full of bluster and making demands. When the mediator sat him and my lawyer down in a separate room and shared the report from our childrens' therapist, he suddenly realized that he had been duped. He wasn't defending a "stay at home Mom with a past drinking problem who had given up her thriving career to support her husband", he was defending an alcoholic in extreme denial that had lied in her pleadings in court, had lied to him, and had continued to drink and drive with the children after 3 rehab stints, one DWI, jail time, and one year in a half way house. Yes - I may have been in denial for a little while also! I just thought that the behavior was so outrageous that she would snap out of it. I wanted to tell him not to feel bad because she lies to everyone. She actually told her lawyer that she was unaware that the children were in therapy. I happened to have copies of six emails where she had asked if the girls had therapy that day. She has even been to the therapist's office to pick the girls up. She is completely nuts.

The great news is that she agreed to undergo a psychiatric evaluation and custody recommendation with the children's therapist. Her lawyer should have objected, but he realized that this was not a game - childrens' lives are at risk. I can't imagine this will go well for my wife, but it appears that her strategy now is to win over the therapist and convince her that the children were "confused" when they told her about the drinking, driving, and all the other items. Once we have this part done, we should have a clear path to ending this nonsense. It will be great to get my bedroom back. Yes, I sleep in the guest bedroom because my wife made it clear that she was not moving out. I think there's significant gender bias in our court system, because I'm quite confident if the roles were reversed, I'd be eating spaghetti-os in a dank apartment. She is going to get drilled by the doctor.

I fianlly have peace that her model behavior (sober for 4 months) will not fool anyone that matters. Her mother is so proud of her new found sobriety that she gave her a $1,000 to buy clothes. Although my wife drove drunk with her mother in October, and now denies it, it appears that her Mom is just happy to be able to pretend that her daughter is "back on track", and I'm an ass for not supporting her precious daughter. That's right, her Mom is an alcoholic also.

Alanon has been my savior, without those meetings, the serenity prayer, I don't think I would have gotten this far.

I'm going to sleep confident that there will be no nightmares tonight!!!!

Peace be with you all.

Jadmack25

You should have a wonderful night's rest, as from your post your STBXAW and her mum are obviously holidaying on another planet, because they sure aren't here on Earth.

Her attorney must have wanted to deck her, and if she thinks the therapist is going to fall for the **** and bull story she has lined up, your STBX is in for another unpleasant surprise when she learns otherwise.

Sleep tight, the bedbugs won't bite, they are on hols, remember?

God bless

freefalling

Amazing that they even lie to their own lawyers . I would reckon your lawyer can prepare a better case (even with an alcoholic) if they know the truth.

Well done and keep us posted!

Ceres

The truth always comes out. Judges in particular. I go to court with foster kids as an advocate. We see parents play the "I'm sober card" all the time. Some truly are. But, some are lying of course. A good judge puts them on the spotlight! Our one judge grills 'em "How many meetings do you go to?" "Do you have a sponsor" They don't seem to lie well with flash questions in a courtroom filled with people. He trips them up all the time. They squirm, squirm, squirm.

Still Waters

I agree, but I also know that (in some cases) raising cane has gotten fathers what they need from the courts. You just have to be very very persistent.

I'm glad things are going in the right direction for you