treehugger77

I am so confused! I know I am not supposed to let my husband’s drinking get me down but after his 3rd relapse I feel, so broken, angry, and resentful and hurt! He wants me be to just be positive and say everything is going to be fine and today is day one. Well this is his 4th day one and I have been lied to and hurt again. I don’t know where to draw the line. If we did not have two kids I’m sure I would have left by now. What is a positive way to handle relapse? Just stand by him and be positive? Leave? How have some of you handled them successfully?

freefalling

Dear Treehugger

Do not stay if it is only for the children . My children resented my staying so long. They totally lost their respect for me as they came out of denial and accepted the situation sooner than I did. They are now 8 ,17 and 18 . Their father was sober for seven years in the middle of our 22 year marriage and drunk/high for the last seven.

Others will come along soon with more help

Hugs

queenteree

Is your A in treatment? Going to AA? If you are interested in staying, and he is truly interested in staying sober, maybe you can get a copy of the Big Book and give it to him to read. There is an excellent chapter in there "to the wives" and even if he doesn't read it, maybe you should. I cannot tell you whether I think you should stay or leave, but I can tell you I tired of my A's frequent relapses, and totally detached from him and let him bear the consequences of all his actions. He also always (w/the exception of this time) wanted me to "put it behind me" and start fresh. Well, NO, that does not happen, nor should I have to! He is now sober almost 5 mos., but who knows how long that will last. Someone once told me living w/a recovering alcoholic is like living in the witness protection program, you may be happy, peaceful and calm, but you never know when someone's gonna come up behind you and pop you when you least expect it. For me, I just chose to take it day by day, and if he should relapse, it's his problem, not mine. My life will go on, and he will bear the consequences. Hugs.

Pelican

Welcome to the sober recovery family!

I'm sorry that your partner has relapsed again. Your hopes of what could have been are destroyed and it will take time to recover.

Are you attending Alanon or counseling for face to face support? You will find lots of information and support for yourself here.

Please make yourself at home by posting and reading as much as needed.

treehugger77

My A was in treatment for 48 days, then did an outpatient program for 3mo, and now goes to AA and has a sponsor. However he has been slacking on the meetings lately and has fallen back into his old ways of thinking.
I have gone to counseling for myself for a little over a year. My A and I also just started attending couples therapy. Thank you all for your support and advice!!

atdawn

Hello,

I thought that too a while back (my story in short, and my road to finally leaving is here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...730-i-did.html).

I have 2 kids too. It's been over a month since we separated. I am exhausted but HAPPY ! And my kids are happy too. sure they miss their dad a bit, but they see him twice a week and speak to him on the phone - meaning they are actually having more quality time with him than they had before. I am more relaxed, play with them a lot, laugh with them a lot. I am so glad I did this.

Good luck wherever your choices may take you ...