ericam24

I have never posted before. My AF went to Dextox last march, clean for 5 months then relasped, clean, relaspe, and the cycle goes on. He says he wants to stay clean this time, by using Suboxone. Like last time. But with the meetings and counseling. I am very angry he has stolen money from me, his mother, blown all the tax money and the last 4 unemployment checks. Last night he said this time is going to be differnt. I am so angry. I just started Nar-anon this past week, it has helped.

How do I know this time will be differnt? I just had my first conversation with him last night. I have not spoken more than 2 words to him for over a month besides about the childern. We have 4 between 19 month - 11 years old. Modern day brandy buch.

Thanks

ThatLittleGirl

Hi...<<hugs>> to you... My husband is also on suboxone therapy right now...will it work? I don't know...that's up to him... There is a link above titled "What Addicts Do" that I have found invaluable to me. It told me the truth...that I didn't want to see before. I am learning...with baby steps...to stop focusing all my energy on my husband and his addiction...and start focusing on fixing myself and my children...making myself healthy ('cause I was a real anxiety-stricken mess after this last relapse).

This forum is awesome...lots of wonderful people with excellent in site into what you're going through...you may feel like the only one, but you're not...I promise you most people on this forum relate to you in one way or another. It has helped me to go through the different threads and read the feedback...and meditate on it...

If you need to chat...just email me...I wish you peace during this truly emotional time!

suki44883

Unfortunately, chances are this time WON'T be any different; however, there are things you can do for yourself and your children that will help you to detach from his madness. Yes, do continue attending the nar-anon meetings and read the stickies at the top of this forum. There is a wealth of information there. Hope you keep posting here, too. You don't have to go through this alone.

hello-kitty

You don't know that he'll be different. It doesn't sound like he's figured it out yet. But YOU can be different. You can enforce your boundaries. You can focus on your own recovery. You can do what's right for YOU and YOUR children instead of doing what he wants you to do.

Have you heard the saying "if nothing changes nothing changes." Well change has to start with you. You have no control over what an addict does or doesn't do. You only control where you want to go from here and what you want your future to look like. It's your choice. Not his.

There's lots of people on this website who have been through what you are going through. I'll hope you stick around.

wuzzled

Unfortunately, you can never know if this time will be different since we can't see into the future. One thing I've learned is actions speak louder than words. In other words, watch what he does, not what he says. I know that although my RAH has over 18 months clean time, relapse is always possible and I have to be prepared for this possibility and have boundaries set in place if that occurs.

Living with an addict (mine in recovery), is absolutely the hardest thing I have done, that would include childbirth!! It is still a challenge with him in recovery and I expect it to continue to be a challenge. I too, am in recovery attending Al-Anon. I have learned so much during the past 18 months by attending regular meetings and reading literature. It truly has been a serenity and sanity saving decision.

Keep attending Nar-Anon and you will find a wealth of information and valuable tools to help navigate through life finding serenity.

ericam24

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I still have to glimmer of hope that he will be better. But everyone is correct I have to focus on myself and my childern.

SR really has helped me realize I am not alone in this. Everyone says leave him, etc.

I have been reading the booklets from Nar-Anon, they have helped. Does anyone have any suggestions for other ones.

I keep saying this to myself get thru today, tackle tomorrow when it comes.

I hate the not knowing part, but that I have to work on myself. I can only control me and no one else.

thank you so much

coffeedrinker

i so very much understand the despair, the hope, and the anger. i think the hardest part for me was always the "is this a bad sign? a good one? is he just having a bad mood, or is it relapse?" etc. always guessing, in my need to know. when i started letting go of that need, my disposition changed for the better, and my anxiety level went way down. try and relax and what will be revealed, will be revealed.

outtolunch

Given you have 4 kids with this man, have you considered filing for child support?

ericam24

Coffeedrinker - It sounds like I think very simlar to you. I was able to go to NA-ANON meeting sat morning, it felt good. I felt good.

He was sick Saturday night from withdrawls. I focused on the kids with making easter eggs.
Sunday came and he was to sick to go to my mother's. I was ok with it, I still had a wonderful day planned with the kiddos.

outtoluch - We have 1 togehter and the other 3 are from prev. marriage. sorry was not clear.

He is at the suboxone doctor to get on program. I am hopeful but scared. I know I will go on if he stays clean or doesn't
Thank you for the supportive words everyone.