KneeC

why is it so hard!! It sounds so easy....just LET GO! But for me, letting go is so hard! Its fustrating. I know I shouldn't be with this person, but then why do i stay? A I know he's not good for me, just a strait up negative person!!
and I am soooo oppostite. I've been with him over 9 yrs & I sometimes think that maybe it's true......old habits are hard to break....what's ya'll's thoughts....thanks

Ceres

I got rid of my 9 yearer after a couple weeks with these folks in SR. But, all it took was a little push and a couple knocks to the head 'cause basically he has nothing I want!

I also liked the saying "Would you be friends with someone who treated you this way?"

RiseUp

put your feelings aside and have confidence in yourself

suki44883

When you've had enough, you will be willing to face the uncertainty of life without him. When you've had enough, nothing will stop you from doing what is best for yourself.

posiesperson

Hi Knee,

I have this metaphor that's worked well for me...my relationships have been a lot like a bandage that was covering a wound (childhood/life pain). I needed that bandage (relationship/person), I thought, because it was there to cover the wound, to make me feel better, to look "nicer" to the outside world, to keep the wound clean, ward off infection, stop the bleeding, etc. At least, that's how it felt initially.

Over time, though, the wound started healing around the bandage and suddenly I had a bigger and more difficult problem: was the bandage causing a bigger issue with all kinds of nasty side effects such as infection, irritation, limiting my ability to heal, etc.? The longer it was there the more problems it caused and the harder it was to remove. I knew it wasn't good for me, wasn't healthy, wasn't what I wanted, but I just couldn't bring myself to consider not having that bandage there. The only way to get that bandage out of the wound was to rip it out...to bleed, feel the pain, etc.

I wasn't ready to remove the bandage for a long time but now I'm going for the only solution that will work for me: time alone. It's hard, but it's getting easier--I'm deeply in the midst of it now and I dare say that I'm looking forward to the continued healing.

Be kind to yourself: what do you want for you?

Hugs,
posie

LaTeeDa

I think many times letting go gets all mixed up with physically leaving. There are two separate and distinct things. Many people leave, but still refuse to let go. I understand this because I kicked my husband out of the house in August 2005, but I remember to this day when I actually let go and it was months later.

Letting go is when you stop trying to control. You stop wishing he was someone else. You take back your own power and leave his life to him. It is a mental state that can be achieved with or without physically separating. And when you reach that state, it's a huge relief. Things become clear. It's when you stop resisting reality.

L

KneeC

wow ya'll thanks so much! & posieperson, I LOVED how you described letting go is like a bandage....so amazing ....so VERY true!
and Ladeeta....your absolutley right, letting go is when we stop controlling as hard as it is to admit, but yet sooo true, I'm tired of the...."wishing & hoping he'd change"

You guys are AMAZING people, thanks everyone for your input!!