Need some feedback

Old 03-31-2010, 12:15 PM
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Need some feedback

I am posting this on behalf of a friend. I have told her what wonderful support this site is. My friends spouse is an alcoholic. He doesnt think so total denial. He will go two weeks without drink, but when he drinks he is sloppy, loud, aggresive and makes a total fool of him self. Of course he has every excuse he is under stress, the weather is nice, he has to drink with other business associates or he wont fit in. He has two prior impaired charges, he was a good financial supporter but was never around for his kids.
Work and the beer came first. I have watched her go in to a deep depression. Sometimes she will admit spouse has a problem, other days she admits it. They dont go out together, she turns every invite down. He is always the big mouth slobbering drunk in the room. He calls her horrible names when drinking, is totally unreliable. Last nite she called upset she left her spouse at work when she went back to pick him up he was drunk again.
He was mad that she didnt answer the cell phone its his ( she is supposed to answer when she has his cell on her) He then proceed to belittle her all the way home.
I dont know how to get through to her I am worried about her depression. Im hoping she reads this site. Oh he says because he doesnt drink everyday he is trying. Don't you think someone that drinks and turns in to a disgraceful big mouht disgraceful drunk is a problem.
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Old 03-31-2010, 12:24 PM
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Sounds frustrating not being able to help. Sometimes I wish I could lock some of my troublesome friends in a closet until they get some sense. :-D Well, the ones with sobriety issues anyway. Be careful not to get over involved. Telling her of this site is great. You could even copy and paste a few posts that sound like her story and email them to her. Mention Alanon, that you'll go with her to the first meeting. Then, fold your hands. You've done a great job being a friend. You led her to the water. You're number one job is to be an ear, offer some suggestions without judgement, let her know you care. Get the two of you involved in something together to get her out of the house maybe.
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Old 03-31-2010, 12:36 PM
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(((Katie))) - I agree with ((Ali)). You've done what you can. FWIW, I LIVE with a raging codie. My stepmom is queen of denial, will do whatever she can to help someone avoid consequences and will worry if she doesn't have something to worry about.

I always think of the reading in "Language of Letting Go" that talks about how we are on one side of the bridge..we're in recovery for our codependency, and we see someone we care about on the other. I'm always wanting to go and physically drag them across the darned bridge, kicking and screaming if they must, because I KNOW it's the best thing for them!!!

Oops...that's slipping back into my codie ways, isn't it? It's hard...so very hard to watch someone accept this kind of life, but you and I know that we certainly didn't hear anything anyone said to US, until we were ready. We had to hit our bottom.

My 16-year-old niece lives in the same house and my stepmom and I - I've tried to show her a healthier way to live in order to counteract what she's learned from my stepmom. That's the best I can do. Maybe showing your friend a healthier way of life, and that there are options is the best you can do right now, too.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 03-31-2010, 12:58 PM
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I know I shouldnt get involved, it just breaks my heart to see her living such a sheltered life. He beat her up about ten years ago blackened her eyes. His excuse she must have said something to irk him, the next excuse was he was drinking Rye. She says there is no physicall abuse any more. Two years ago he slept with a 22 year old he was drunk. He is 53 he claims he was at a bar and someone must have drugged him. She is a nervous wreck. She says there is no physical abuse, but when he drinks everyone has be careful not to upset the big mouth or he will get angry. I am having a BBQ in two weeks and want her to come, not him. He will ruin it the center of attention with his rude obnoxious jokes. He once peed on my driveway. Well Im rattling I hope she gets involved with Naranon and finds some suuport.
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Old 03-31-2010, 08:23 PM
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Yeah, what Anvil said!
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