I had to help someone else today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Somewhere along the Delaware River, Pennsylvania
Posts: 137
I had to help someone else today
I need to share this or it may drive me crazy.
My journey to sobriety has been a strange and interesting one for many reasons, one of them being that I work with youth ages 16-25 who have dropped out of high school. My fellow co-workers and I try to help them better their lives. As you can only imagine, many of them have addiction and substance abuse problems.
One of these young people came to me two weeks ago and confided to me about her drug use. I just listened. I didn't tell her what to do, and I didn't tell my supervisor.
Having been burdened with this information for some time now, I broke down yesterday and told one of the staff members. She in turn went to our boss and relayed the story.
I was in quite a lot of trouble when I arrived at work this morning and was written up. I took what was coming to me; I knew I had done the wrong thing. In most respects, I do my job well. But when it comes to issues with drugs and alcohol, I check out. Perhaps it has something to do with having travelled that road myself, not wanting to go there again, having to empathize with the pain that others are going through. When forced to deal with these issues, I cry, I get too emotionally involved...I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO DO IT.
This girl is a minor, so her parents had to be called in, and I had to sit in on an intervention. She will be allowed to stay with us provided she enrolls in a substance abuse program and can provide a clean urine screen in 30 days. When she left, I couldn't stop crying and hugging her. Then my boss was hugging ME, telling me he was proud of me for the outcome I achieved and for pulling myself together to do what needed to be done.
I've had several periods of sobriety but my most recent is only six days. I don't know how to separate myself enough to be objective. Depending on one's point of view, I could be the best person for my job or the worst person for it. And I still feel like crap about the whole situation, because I betrayed her trust.
Sorry for the long post...just had to get that out.
My journey to sobriety has been a strange and interesting one for many reasons, one of them being that I work with youth ages 16-25 who have dropped out of high school. My fellow co-workers and I try to help them better their lives. As you can only imagine, many of them have addiction and substance abuse problems.
One of these young people came to me two weeks ago and confided to me about her drug use. I just listened. I didn't tell her what to do, and I didn't tell my supervisor.
Having been burdened with this information for some time now, I broke down yesterday and told one of the staff members. She in turn went to our boss and relayed the story.
I was in quite a lot of trouble when I arrived at work this morning and was written up. I took what was coming to me; I knew I had done the wrong thing. In most respects, I do my job well. But when it comes to issues with drugs and alcohol, I check out. Perhaps it has something to do with having travelled that road myself, not wanting to go there again, having to empathize with the pain that others are going through. When forced to deal with these issues, I cry, I get too emotionally involved...I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO DO IT.
This girl is a minor, so her parents had to be called in, and I had to sit in on an intervention. She will be allowed to stay with us provided she enrolls in a substance abuse program and can provide a clean urine screen in 30 days. When she left, I couldn't stop crying and hugging her. Then my boss was hugging ME, telling me he was proud of me for the outcome I achieved and for pulling myself together to do what needed to be done.
I've had several periods of sobriety but my most recent is only six days. I don't know how to separate myself enough to be objective. Depending on one's point of view, I could be the best person for my job or the worst person for it. And I still feel like crap about the whole situation, because I betrayed her trust.
Sorry for the long post...just had to get that out.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
If it were me, and I got a write up AND a hug from my boss I'd be pretty confused...:wtf2
Well, didn't this young person know that you are bound to report things like what she told you? I think I'd have a hard time with the whole situation myself. I'm sorry the whole thing is so hard for you, especially being so early in your sobriety. Emotions tend to run riot for a while in the early days so your reaction isn't surprising. In the long run I'd say you did the right thing. I hope everything turns out well for the young person you helped.
And congrats on your sober time!
And I still feel like crap about the whole situation, because I betrayed her trust.
Well, didn't this young person know that you are bound to report things like what she told you? I think I'd have a hard time with the whole situation myself. I'm sorry the whole thing is so hard for you, especially being so early in your sobriety. Emotions tend to run riot for a while in the early days so your reaction isn't surprising. In the long run I'd say you did the right thing. I hope everything turns out well for the young person you helped.
And congrats on your sober time!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
It sounds to me like you may have saved this girl's life.
If it's imagined that many of these young people have substance abuse problems, were you written up for not following a particular protocol? It seems that would be the only 'violation' since, if many have problems, surely keeping it a secret cannot be a good thing.
I couldn't imagine a person confiding in me and thinking that my not telling anyone was doing her a favor. I think her telling you was a cry for help.
Apologies if I missed something. ??
If it's imagined that many of these young people have substance abuse problems, were you written up for not following a particular protocol? It seems that would be the only 'violation' since, if many have problems, surely keeping it a secret cannot be a good thing.
I couldn't imagine a person confiding in me and thinking that my not telling anyone was doing her a favor. I think her telling you was a cry for help.
Apologies if I missed something. ??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Somewhere along the Delaware River, Pennsylvania
Posts: 137
least...that's just kind of how my work environment is. Confusing.
HumbleBee...yes, you got it, I did not follow proper protocol, which is to inform my boss immediately of any substance abuse problems, especially considering she is a minor.
As for why I didn't tell anyone...again...I don't know. I've either been surrounded by drugs and alcohol for so long that I don't really think it's as big of a deal as it is, or I just wish problems will take care of themselves, or I think I'm hardly an authority on the subject. I wish I could figure it out why I acted the way I did because it's really bugging me.
HumbleBee...yes, you got it, I did not follow proper protocol, which is to inform my boss immediately of any substance abuse problems, especially considering she is a minor.
As for why I didn't tell anyone...again...I don't know. I've either been surrounded by drugs and alcohol for so long that I don't really think it's as big of a deal as it is, or I just wish problems will take care of themselves, or I think I'm hardly an authority on the subject. I wish I could figure it out why I acted the way I did because it's really bugging me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Hey lost,
I wouldn't beat myself over this if I were you. You are caught in the middle so use this as a learning experience to protect yourself in the future, while not turning away someone who may need help.
Sounds like you were kind of acting as 'big sister' and were protecting the confidentiality she placed on you. That is hard, but it's not impossible to work around. Should anyone approach you in a similar way again, try responding right up front with, "My job requires me to report any substance abuse issues but we want to help you. How can we do that?" (meaning, the organization, not you personally).
I've always been a caretaker - it was hard for me to detach myself from alot of emotional reality and try to save everyone while hurting myself at the same time. It's not easy to detach ourselves sometimes, but for our safety, as well as the other person's, it's essential. I applaud you for the work you do with these troubled young people.
Finding a way to be assertive and not aggressive takes some getting used to - especially as we're learning so much about ourselves in recovery. Be well. You're doing great.
I wouldn't beat myself over this if I were you. You are caught in the middle so use this as a learning experience to protect yourself in the future, while not turning away someone who may need help.
Sounds like you were kind of acting as 'big sister' and were protecting the confidentiality she placed on you. That is hard, but it's not impossible to work around. Should anyone approach you in a similar way again, try responding right up front with, "My job requires me to report any substance abuse issues but we want to help you. How can we do that?" (meaning, the organization, not you personally).
I've always been a caretaker - it was hard for me to detach myself from alot of emotional reality and try to save everyone while hurting myself at the same time. It's not easy to detach ourselves sometimes, but for our safety, as well as the other person's, it's essential. I applaud you for the work you do with these troubled young people.
Finding a way to be assertive and not aggressive takes some getting used to - especially as we're learning so much about ourselves in recovery. Be well. You're doing great.
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