mermaidgirl

STBXRAH came over last night to sign off on our bank accounts and tax returns. He was certainly playing the pity card-and trying to get a response out of me. Although he has been out of the house since Jan 15th, one step at a time has been difficult. Interestingly...he is housesitting RIGHT next door for the past 2 weeks.

So...he stops by after having dinner with his sponsor (a good sign), but he didn't eat much. He has lost a LOT of weight since he moved out. So, I offered him dinner since I was fixing dinner for myself. He signed the papers. And we are supposed to have a marriage session tomorrow-so I can say in front of our counselor that this isn't a good thing for me anymore and I want out. The abuse, lies and lack of change-isn't acceptable for me anymore and I have given it almost 8 years...

He went upstairs to get some things. He comes back down with alligator tears (it ALWAYS ends this way) in his eyes and says he is not going to the session tomorrow. Why, I asked? He said because, as he was clutching a random shirt and The Big Book, he isn't ready to give up. I felt the trigger-but ignored it. I looked at this man-with tears in his eyes-dramatically clutching The Big Book and remembered all the lies, abuse and fear he had inflicted on my life. I thought about the support I gave him to put him thru school...about his children that I supported...about all the jobs he "lost" for one reason or another...and I said, perhaps you will change your mind, because I plan on going.

My good friend is going to pull the paperwork for the divorce online tomorrow and is having me over-and we are going to have a glass of wine and she is going to help me thru it. I got online to pull the forms and couldn't even navigate it-I just want this dysfunctional person out of my life. I'm re-reading Codependen No More and it has given me tremendous strength along with individual counseling, all of you here and my friends. While I grieve over what I lost in dreams of my future with someone I thought would love me and never hurt me; I am excited about every day. It's a gift-every day.

Thanks for listening...

freefalling

And thanks for your good news. A happy ending is not always what we thought/hoped it would be.

Hugs

Ceres

"I am excited about every day. It's a gift-every day."

Me too! Me too!

Summerpeach

When a woman has had enough, there is NO turning back! You had enough