Cracky McCrackin showed up at my door (long)
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Cracky McCrackin showed up at my door (long)
Well. This was not a good morning. My phone rang at 6am – woke me up. It was my sons father asking if he could come over – scratch that – he was begging. I was half asleep and I screwed up and said yes. I knew better. I completely violated my boundaries. I was just trying to help him out. I’m an idiot.
He arrived about an hour later stinking of booze – told me he had been drinking tequila all night. I told him he really screwed up and I would deal with him later. Then he passed out on the couch. I finished getting my son ready for school. And on the way out the door, he gave his sleeping daddy a hug and kiss goodbye.
He had brought in a grocery bag with him and tossed it on the ground by the door on his way in the house. On my way out the door I glanced at the bag – it was full of loose paper-towels shoved in large manilla envelopes – strange behavior and indicative of drug use. On a whim, I reached into the bag and low and behold I pulled out a crack pipe.
I was so irate. But I didn’t want to freak out in front of my son. So I drove him to school and dropped him off. Then I went home, woke up his dad and told him he had exactly two minutes to get his shoes on and get out of my house before I called the police.
He started quack-quack-quacking. It wasn’t his crack pipe. He didn’t know how it got in his bag. Blah blah blah. Quack quack quack. I had a few choice words for him but then I stopped talking and just repeated myself over and over – you need to leave now. I suggest you call the Salvation Army. They have a free rehab program. They might be able to help you before you end up back in jail.
Anyway, he called one of his buddies (I think it was the same one that dropped him off at my house) who said he would come and get him. So I walked him outside and locked the door. I live in a security building on the top floor so I’m pretty sure he won’t be able to get back in.
By the way – I stuffed the crack pipe into my pocket and drove it to the nearest gas station and dumped it in the trash. I didn’t want it in our dumpster or anywhere near my property.
Now. I’m totally p*ssed at myself that I violated my boundary of letting him in my house while he was drunk. That was stupid of me. Andrew saw him and now he’s going to be wondering why his dad isn’t there when he gets home. And I don’t know what to say to him. He’s four. He’s gonna ask. And the fact that he’s not going to be there is my fault too – because I enforced my boundaries when I found the crack pipe – no drugs or drug paraphernalia in my house. So I know it’s a good thing that I enforced my boundary. But now I’m trying to figure out what to do or say next to my son.
He won’t be seeing his father for a very long time. That’s my decision. His father is back on crack. I had suspected this for a couple months now (since the crack hotel incident back in January.) but now I know for sure. Funny how they lie straight to your face – CRACK PIPE IN BAG AND HE’S STILL DENYING THAT HE SMOKES CRACK. It doesn’t matter though because my boundaries were so clearly violated. See my boundaries are not meant to control him. He can do whatever he wants. However I do not allow drugs or paraphernalia in my house. Much easier to enforce boundaries for your own behavior. Impossible to enforce them on someone else.
Among other emotions like betrayal, hurt, disgust, and disappointment, I’m also really mad that he’s using again. Really frickin’ mad that he forced me to see it and confront the problem. Because now I’m stuck cleaning up the mess and trying to do damage control for my son’s heart. He isn’t going to understand why his daddy isn’t there when he gets home from school and I have no idea how I’m going to explain it to him.
Anyway, I had to get that out. Sorry. I feel like a failure.
He arrived about an hour later stinking of booze – told me he had been drinking tequila all night. I told him he really screwed up and I would deal with him later. Then he passed out on the couch. I finished getting my son ready for school. And on the way out the door, he gave his sleeping daddy a hug and kiss goodbye.
He had brought in a grocery bag with him and tossed it on the ground by the door on his way in the house. On my way out the door I glanced at the bag – it was full of loose paper-towels shoved in large manilla envelopes – strange behavior and indicative of drug use. On a whim, I reached into the bag and low and behold I pulled out a crack pipe.
I was so irate. But I didn’t want to freak out in front of my son. So I drove him to school and dropped him off. Then I went home, woke up his dad and told him he had exactly two minutes to get his shoes on and get out of my house before I called the police.
He started quack-quack-quacking. It wasn’t his crack pipe. He didn’t know how it got in his bag. Blah blah blah. Quack quack quack. I had a few choice words for him but then I stopped talking and just repeated myself over and over – you need to leave now. I suggest you call the Salvation Army. They have a free rehab program. They might be able to help you before you end up back in jail.
Anyway, he called one of his buddies (I think it was the same one that dropped him off at my house) who said he would come and get him. So I walked him outside and locked the door. I live in a security building on the top floor so I’m pretty sure he won’t be able to get back in.
By the way – I stuffed the crack pipe into my pocket and drove it to the nearest gas station and dumped it in the trash. I didn’t want it in our dumpster or anywhere near my property.
Now. I’m totally p*ssed at myself that I violated my boundary of letting him in my house while he was drunk. That was stupid of me. Andrew saw him and now he’s going to be wondering why his dad isn’t there when he gets home. And I don’t know what to say to him. He’s four. He’s gonna ask. And the fact that he’s not going to be there is my fault too – because I enforced my boundaries when I found the crack pipe – no drugs or drug paraphernalia in my house. So I know it’s a good thing that I enforced my boundary. But now I’m trying to figure out what to do or say next to my son.
He won’t be seeing his father for a very long time. That’s my decision. His father is back on crack. I had suspected this for a couple months now (since the crack hotel incident back in January.) but now I know for sure. Funny how they lie straight to your face – CRACK PIPE IN BAG AND HE’S STILL DENYING THAT HE SMOKES CRACK. It doesn’t matter though because my boundaries were so clearly violated. See my boundaries are not meant to control him. He can do whatever he wants. However I do not allow drugs or paraphernalia in my house. Much easier to enforce boundaries for your own behavior. Impossible to enforce them on someone else.
Among other emotions like betrayal, hurt, disgust, and disappointment, I’m also really mad that he’s using again. Really frickin’ mad that he forced me to see it and confront the problem. Because now I’m stuck cleaning up the mess and trying to do damage control for my son’s heart. He isn’t going to understand why his daddy isn’t there when he gets home from school and I have no idea how I’m going to explain it to him.
Anyway, I had to get that out. Sorry. I feel like a failure.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by hello-kitty 
I completely violated my boundaries. I was just trying to help him out. I’m an idiot.
Sounds like rationalization of your choice. You are human, not an idiot.
He arrived about an hour later stinking of booze – told me he had been drinking tequila all night. I told him he really screwed up and I would deal with him later. Then he passed out on the couch. I finished getting my son ready for school. And on the way out the door, he gave his sleeping daddy a hug and kiss goodbye.
You let stinky drunk man into your home and let him sleep it off and exposed your son to this sight. What does this have to do with him screwing up?
He had brought in a grocery bag with him and tossed it on the ground by the door on his way in the house. On my way out the door I glanced at the bag – it was full of loose paper-towels shoved in large manilla envelopes – strange behavior and indicative of drug use. On a whim, ( just doing what we codependent do) I reached into the bag and low and behold I pulled out a crack pipe. I was so irate.
Stinking drunk crackhead is sleeping it off and crack pipe go hand in hand.
Then I went home, woke up his dad and told him he had exactly two minutes to get his shoes on and get out of my house before I called the police.
He started quack-quack-quacking. It wasn’t his crack pipe. He didn’t know how it got in his bag. Blah blah blah. Quack quack quack. I had a few choice words for him but then I stopped talking and just repeated myself over and over – you need to leave now. I suggest you call the Salvation Army. They have a free rehab program. They might be able to help you before you end up back in jail.
Now why didn't he think of this?
By the way – I stuffed the crack pipe into my pocket and drove it to the nearest gas station and dumped it in the trash. I didn’t want it in our dumpster or anywhere near my property.
Good thing you were not pulled over for something or another. You might have some splainin to do.
Now. I’m totally p*ssed at myself that I violated my boundary of letting him in my house while he was drunk. That was stupid of me. Andrew saw him and now he’s going to be wondering why his dad isn’t there when he gets home. And I don’t know what to say to him. He’s four. He’s gonna ask. And the fact that he’s not going to be there is my fault too – ( part of the codependent pledge of allegence- everything is our fault. Reality is he was just doing what addicts/drunks do. because I enforced my boundaries when I found the crack pipe – no drugs or drug paraphernalia in my house.
He won’t be seeing his father for a very long time. That’s my decision. His father is back on crack. I had suspected this for a couple months now (since the crack hotel incident back in January.) but now I know for sure. Funny how they lie straight to your face – CRACK PIPE IN BAG AND HE’S STILL DENYING THAT HE SMOKES CRACK. It doesn’t matter though because my boundaries were so clearly violated. See my boundaries are not meant to control him. He can do whatever he wants. However I do not allow drugs or paraphernalia in my house. Much easier to enforce boundaries for your own behavior. Impossible to enforce them on someone else.
Among other emotions like betrayal, hurt, disgust, and disappointment, I’m also really mad that he’s using again. Sounds like you are mad because you had expectations that were not met.
Really frickin’ mad that he forced me to see it and confront the problem.
Letting him in the door forced you to see and confront.
Because now I’m stuck cleaning up the mess and trying to do damage control for my son’s heart. He isn’t going to understand why his daddy isn’t there when he gets home from school and I have no idea how I’m going to explain it to him.
Anyway, I had to get that out. Sorry. I feel like a failure.
Bravo. Job well done.
I'm proud of you too! Heck of a job uyou did!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Life even after recovery isn't perfect, you handled this just fine.
And you learned from this too.
Sorry the boy had to be involved, but he's got a good, loving mom to comfort him and guide him.
Maybe this experience will help you grow more in your recovery.
Hugs
And you learned from this too.
Sorry the boy had to be involved, but he's got a good, loving mom to comfort him and guide him.
Maybe this experience will help you grow more in your recovery.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
I think you did a great job also. You took care of what you had to lickedy-split and now you will stay on your side of the fence and let him go his way. Maybe you needed that to see "No more"!!!!! HUgs and smiles, Bonnie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I think i did need to see that. My boundaries had gotten a bit squishy lately. It was a stark reminder of how bad things can get when there is a crack addict in your life.
Thank you. I was feeling horrible about the situation this morning. Now it doesn't seem so bad. Think about how much worse things could be if I had let him stay!
Several years ago I would have. So I think I've come along way.
Thank you. I was feeling horrible about the situation this morning. Now it doesn't seem so bad. Think about how much worse things could be if I had let him stay!
Several years ago I would have. So I think I've come along way.
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
I dont know what happened but I posted earlier and it didnt come out. I just wanted to say you are a strong woman even if you dont see it. Be proud of yourself that you were able to make him leave. Those middle of the night calls are the worst... your sleepy, and your guard was down.
I wonder if I could have been that strong.
hugs,
christine
I wonder if I could have been that strong.
hugs,
christine
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
I think i did need to see that. My boundaries had gotten a bit squishy lately. It was a stark reminder of how bad things can get when there is a crack addict in your life.
I agree with outto, you fell off your horse and like a big girl got right back on. I have horses, I've been bucked off several times throughout the years. My mom always made me get right back on. That way I wasn't scared to ride again. You're doing great HK, it's taken my sorry butt years to get my stinking foot in the stirrup to run away to serenity.
I agree with outto, you fell off your horse and like a big girl got right back on. I have horses, I've been bucked off several times throughout the years. My mom always made me get right back on. That way I wasn't scared to ride again. You're doing great HK, it's taken my sorry butt years to get my stinking foot in the stirrup to run away to serenity.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
In the car on the way home from school my son asked if daddy was at home. I said no. he only came for a quick visit. He walked in the door saying daddy? I said he not here honey. are you disappointed and he said no but he sure left a big mess mama. (There was a pile of laundry on the floor.) I said yes honey he did.
Kids are so precious.
Kids are so precious.
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 220
What really struck me in your whole story, Kitty, was the last line....
I feel like a failure.
That is the thing I remember most from my years of living with active addiction.....that CRUSHING sense of failure. No matter how well I handled any given situation, I always felt that I could have done better.....no, make that SHOULD have done better.
You did just fine. This episode was just another necessary step in getting to the place where he can't manipulate you anymore. The next time he calls, this experience will be right there, fresh in your mind, to help make you stronger. You are not a failure. You are earning your serenity one step at a time.
Babs
I feel like a failure.
That is the thing I remember most from my years of living with active addiction.....that CRUSHING sense of failure. No matter how well I handled any given situation, I always felt that I could have done better.....no, make that SHOULD have done better.
You did just fine. This episode was just another necessary step in getting to the place where he can't manipulate you anymore. The next time he calls, this experience will be right there, fresh in your mind, to help make you stronger. You are not a failure. You are earning your serenity one step at a time.
Babs
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Quote:
Please tell us you dumped the mess in the outside garbage can.
Originally Posted by hello-kitty
(There was a pile of laundry on the floor.)
(There was a pile of laundry on the floor.)
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