transformyself

Yesterday STBXAH was told by a mutual friend that he had seen me with another man. Yes, I briefly dated someone a few weeks ago. He had an enormous tantrum. Texted me, came over and raged at me. Called me names. Told me he was going to start dating women now too. He tried all of his tricks. He hasn't changed, but I sure have.

I just don't care. It's laughable to me. I seriously, honestly, do not care how he sees me, especially when he's angry. Had he come over and talked rationally about his feelings I may have been more kind.

I am free of him and whatever he thinks of me, whatever he threatens or wants to do. I jut don't give a rats a$$. Really. I've thought about it, taken time and considered the whole scenerio. This isn't denial. His power over me has been washed away.

This may be a no brainer for you folks, but his anger towards me used to body slam me into abandonment mode. Especially if he threatened to date other women! He used to imply it and I would trigger and be out of my mind. Crying, pacing and gut wrenched.

Thank the heavens I've been working so hard on myself.

I laughed at him. Not intentionally, but just out of disbelief. This was my first dating experience and I did it because I liked this other person, not because of AH. I stopped dating him because of me, not because of AH. It had nothing to do with him. I am living my own life now. Making decisions based on what I believe is right or wrong.

He's been dating other women for five years! While married to me! He fence sat about our marriage. He lived with his affair partner after I kicked him out. He wouldn't stop talking to her when we tried to reconcile. He doesn't care about the things that matter most to me and now that I'm sincerely moving on, moving away from him, he's hurt? Oh, the lunacy of it all.

I told him I was sorry he felt betrayed and hurt, that I know how he feels and that I can help him if he wants any tips on how to get over it. Then I told him I won't tolerate him speaking to me this way, to get the f*** out of my house and go tell someone who cares. Go find another drunk to play his games.

I know that wasn't the best way to deal with it, but I was so offended that he had the nerve to come over here and attack me.

The best part is that I just cleaned the kitchen and went to bed after that. It didn't affect me. I am happy in my little house with my kids, dogs and big orange cat. Happy, happy to be away from him.

Buh bye crazy drunk guy that use to torture me. Buh bye now...

Insulated

He wants control and as soon as he doesn't get his way he throws a childish temper tantrum? It behooves you for HIM to be with someone else, because it means he'll leave you somewhat alone. Keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other. Now would be a great time to implement no contact huh?

transformyself

I am practicing no contact. Happily. And it doesn't matter to me if he's with someone else or not. I just dont' care anymore.

Insulated

You know in the end I felt exactly that way too. We were engaged not married, and at one point he told me that he HAD a girlfriend that makes 60g's a year, with a two bedroom house and a screened in pool. And THEY couldn't wait for me to be gone so they could be together. Of course this was a lie. But, in any event I simply responded "I can't compete with that. Good luck". I just didn't care because if it were true it meant that I no longer had to deal with HIS CRAP!

catlovermi

transformyself

Thank you Catlovermi
T/J Are you in Michigan? Is that what the "mi" part is? I'm working on getting a few of us together for shenanigans...

wicked

did someone mention shenanigans?
yes, i am sure i heard it.
springtime is almost here in michigan!
YAY!

transformyself

Yes ma'am you heard correctly. There's one other person so far.

wicked

:rotfxko


yeah, the same thing happened to me. my ex actually had his gf drive him over to my apartment to give me trouble. of course, he had lost his license, and was once again depending on a woman to take care of him.
i kinda barked a laugh at him.
he thought he would come over and threaten to take custody of the kids if i had this imaginary (yeah, he made him up) lover in my house!
LOL okay, buddy. you do that.
LOL
jackass.

TakingCharge999

Don't you love when the pets look at you very lovingly and come to greet you at the door? when you are at home all safe in your pijamas, some lounge music playing... and you wonder if you feel like having strawberry tea or mango tea...?

I love it when you can laugh about stuff and see things for what they are. Fresh air.
Hugs!

Jadmack25

This man really has some problems with priority setting, as well as having a few kangaroos loose in his back paddock.

Let me see if I get the story right.

He has chased after other women...while you were married and still together.
He had an affair...while you were married and still together.
He lived with her...while you were still married.
He kept in contact with her.......while you were still married and trying to reconcile.
He is an active alcoholic.
All the above actions caused you great pain and have led to end of marriage.

You and STBXAH are separated and going thru divorce process.
You briefly dated someone, but that ended a while back.
Your STBXAH is hurt and angered by those few dates.
Your STBXAH says you are messy and unreliable.
Your STBXAH threatens to date other women now.

Have I got it down right?

Ok, so he's p**sed off at you, so NOW he is going to date women....Bully for him, I guess that is better than sc**wing them while still living with you....as he did.

He is hurt over those few dates....Oh, shucks....how sad.....did he care 1 iota how miserable and devestated you were over his affair and infidelities?

NO!!!! I didn't think so, because just like a small, immature child, he only thinks about himself....and you are still...his wife and his property.....in his greedy little eyes.

Telling him to stop talking to you as he did, and ordering him out of your home, was the least you could do.....he is lucky that you were restrained, and he got off light.

My daughter was accused by her ex of going out on the town with some chap, (she doesn't even know him) and ex sent her 20 texts on mobile, and over 140 emails full of total rubbish, lies and innuendo...she has answered none of them, but an hour ago she sent them bouncing back to him, all 140 at the same time.
He has just gone ballistic on her phone answer machine.

She is definitely a chip of this old block.

I am so glad you can laugh at your quacker, as it takes so much of the intensity away from him, his stupid words and actions, and in fact he is the strengthener of your resolve to get away and stay away from him.
Had he played the kind, polite, caring and remorseful man, you may have walked back into his web and given him another chance....but he chose to be Mr A**ehole instead, and blew himself to pieces.

Some dorks never, ever learn anything.....he seems to be one of them.

God bless

transformyself

Thank you Jadmack, and your daughter is one lucky girl!

Yes, you're outline of events is correct, with the exception of not caring one bit about the pain he's caused me.

Yes, he's been less than compassionate much of the time, but I know he suffers from his actions. He did show me remorse when we were trying to reconcile, he was compassionate and tried to help me heal for awhile. It was just too hard for him to stick it out. That made it harder in many ways. For him to be kind, loving, remorseful, and then turn into a jerk. AND go see the b**ch and ask her if she's seeing anyone and tell me about it. That sucked for me.