froglegs

This is my week. I am getting everything in order and notarized and filing my divorce paperwork on Wednesday.
This was a weird weekend. I attended a baby shower for AH sister on Saturday. I was throwing it with my other sister in law and mother in law so I had to be there. It was strange facing the family, wondering who knew what, and realizing this might be the last time I am in the same room with all of these people for awhile, which is hard because I am VERY close with all of his family. Probably closer with his family than my own. When I left, my mother in law asked my sister in law if she really thought I would file. She replied, yes, I think she will. She told me my mother in law was hopeful, because my AH told her things were going really well (huh?)
AH asked me last night what the plan with Easter was going to be. I said I was going to my moms for brunch with the kids, and then I would drop the kids off at his moms house for dinner with him and his family. He asked why I wasn't going to have dinner with his family. I said because we need to start working on this "seperation"...he got mad and said "Okay fine, I will stay here Sat night, wake up with my kids for the last time on Easter, and then we can start our happy little division of holidays", then went outside and slammed the door.
Now, normally, I would follow him and ask what's wrong. I just went upstairs and started organizing my closet. Whatever, right?
Then, apparently he decided to buy the guy across the streets boat who is also going through a divorce. He asked me about it about 6 months ago and I told him no way. I overheard him on the phone telling someone "I got a great deal, I am just going to make payments, it's got a fly bridge, yadda yadda, and I am getting it for a steal...what the heck? How about sending some of those payments my way for the mortgage, utilities, car payments, groceries and daycare I am still paying for ON MY OWN, even though we are seperated.
Today on his facebook status it said "This is going to be a fun week" because I told him last night I would be filing this week.

I was lying in bed last night thinking, just please leave AH, which is funny because I have spent the last 11 years begging him not to walk out that door and leave me...I'm praying to keep this new found strength I have pulled from somewhere.

stella27

I hear ya, sister. Hang in there. he is just quacking at you.

shan123

you should be very proud of yourself...you are going to have a wonderful and happy life!!!

Thumper

Yeah! What she said!

suki44883

The first few steps are the hardest, but once you get it all filed, you can begin concentrating on yourself and your kids. It's pretty evident that he's going to play the guilt card as often as possible, but don't fall for it. There is a reason you are doing this.

nodaybut2day

I remember that same sort of thing from XAH...the pouting childish responses to my clear statements that I was leaving, very much like "Well FINE, you're STUPID and you STINK!". Like you said...whatever.

And yay for you for filing for divorce! WHEEEE let's through a divorce party!

Summerpeach

Did he scream "I want my Mommy" and "where is my binkie"

You're becoming apathetic to his "maze of madness" and that's a good thing.
That feeling should come in pill form so we can all take it and just move on ;-)

freefalling

and then another for when they keep on getting a little foot in the door!

Jadmack25

Anvil has a "nice" idea about the boat.
An apathy pill would be a Godsend, just to tide folk over til the real thing kicks in, but as for the foot in the door....a pill? Nar!! A pill not nearly as much fun to my demon ol' mind as.....


God bless

Linkmeister

Funny how we go from "Don't leave" to "Please Leave"??????

I just broke it off with XABF and when I finally said those words, it was such a relief. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, of being used as an emotional punching bag, of being disrespected, and controlled not just by him, but me buying into his apologies and promises time and time again.

I think my strength came when I went shopping at one of our local 2nd hand stores last week and walking through the book section (as I ALWAYS do), finding an Alateen book which I now know was meant for me. While waiting for the bus, I started flipping though the readings and came across this one:

March 29th
When I go fishing, I have to bait the hook in order to catch a fish. I don't always get one, but as long as I get a nibble, I keep rebaiting the hook. When I don't I pack up and go home.
Since coming to Alateen (in my case, Al-Anon), and finding out about alcoholism and its effect on the family, I realize I often feel like the fish and I'm learning not to take the alcoholic's "bait." Whenever I'm tempted to, I say "Easy Does It", remembering if I open my mouth to bite, there's a jagged hook hidden under the juicy bait. Then I ask myself "How Important Is It?"
It I swim past the bait, I can get a clearer picture of the man at the end of the line. He doesn't seem like such a monster after all. Instead, he looks sick. If I dodge the bait, the man often packs up and leaves me alone.Even if he stays, I feel safe knowing I've been good to myself by keeping myself off his hook each day.

Things to Think about
The alcoholic wants me to swallow his ideas "hook, line and sinker." With the help of the program, I don't have to get caught anymore. Instead I can try to understand that he is sick, let go of the line he's feeding me and enjoy the freedom I have today.
Alateen-One Day at a Time, pg.89

I carry this with me, have a copy at my computer and around the house and whenever I'm tempted to pick up the phone to call him, to start the cycle again, I read this. I love to fish and this reading speaks to me as someone who loves to fish, as I can picture the fish in the water (me), swimming around something tasty and juicy, biting into it and realizing too late what's happening. I got caught more than once , kept going back for more, but am now avoiding anything enticing like that bait.

My EXABF posts on his Facebook page this morning for all (me) to see: "I love you ____________ (me)"

More bait. I swam away. Before I did, I blocked him. I don't need to see that on my FB page.

Hugs coming to you, Froglegs.....

froglegs

LOL, Anvilhead, your posts always make me smile!
Thaks everyone for the encouragement....