AUDRADAVID

hi everyone. my ABF just came to me tonight and said he messed up and smoked (crack) again. Does anyone have any suggestions of what I might say to him other than oh, ok?? I dont want to say its ok, because its really not ok for him to keep "ocassionally" using but i also dont want to say anything to him that may make him "beat himself up" because i know that will always make him feel like using. just wondering what others have said to their ABF/AGF when they have come to them with honesty and telling them the had a one time relapase. thanks!

laurie6781

Simple response:

"OH, you messed up, now what are YOU going to do about it?"

His response will give you an idea on what boundaries you need to set for you.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

outtolunch

Only he can decide for himself what's OK or not, for him. You have no control over him or anyone else, for that matter.

You do not have the power to make him use or not. That's his choice.

What you can decide are boundaries for yourself.....what's acceptable to you. BOundareis let go of the outcomes. For example, do you wish to maintain a relationship with someone who smokes crack? If not, you remove yourself from the relationship. If you are OK with it, then give up the ghost on trying to change him and accept him as is/where is.

It's the one foot in and one foot out thing that will likely rip you apart. Where's your line?

megan09

Addicts cannot control or 'cut down' their using or there would be no addicts! He does not sound as though he is in recovery if he still uses. As an addict, IF I had been able to use 'occasionally' then there would have been no problem. Stay wise to this illness.

Ann

It's hard to step back when this happens, but his words mean nothing right now. His actions will tell you everything you need to know.

Keeping him (and you) in my prayers.

Hugs