Hi Hello I'm here
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 29
Hi Hello I'm here Just posting to introduce myself. I'm addicted to alcohol. It snuck up on me. I thought I was in control because I've been clean from meth for 7 1/2 years so I figured alcohol was no big deal. I've been doing the whole "no more drinking" pledges and sure enough, there I am drunk again. For about 3 1/2 years now, I have drank 5-7 nights a week. Sometimes days too.
I'm tired of the embarrassment of being black-out drunk. I'm tired of unexplainable bruises, never having money, always having a headache in the morning, cleaning up puke, getting the shakes, getting into brawls...enough is enough. I've had more than enough.
I looked into AA and may be attending a meeting sometime this week. No harm in trying it right? Worst case scenario, its not for me. I like the idea of this forum a little better. I can be in the privacy of my own home and take this experience at my own pace.
I fear there will be relapses. I have little to no support from my family and friends. I've been telling them I need to quit for months now but that never really sinks in. I don't think they take me seriously. But I would know right? It gets dark outside and I get restless and thirsty. I don't want to think, I don't want to sit at home alone, I want to forget. DOES NOT HAPPEN SOBER. I sit, think, wallow, stress, hate...until I can't take it anymore. Then that liquor starts tasting real good. Shot after shot until I can't think or feel. But I don't stop there. I've hurt people, I've hurt myself, it just needs to stop.
So my goal is to cut back big time. I hear drinks don't taste or feel good when you haven't had them for awhile. So I'm focusing on getting there. When I get there I may go further. I've spent the day reading a lot of blogs and threads here and I wanted you all to know I appreciate you all being here.
I'm tired of the embarrassment of being black-out drunk. I'm tired of unexplainable bruises, never having money, always having a headache in the morning, cleaning up puke, getting the shakes, getting into brawls...enough is enough. I've had more than enough.
I looked into AA and may be attending a meeting sometime this week. No harm in trying it right? Worst case scenario, its not for me. I like the idea of this forum a little better. I can be in the privacy of my own home and take this experience at my own pace.
I fear there will be relapses. I have little to no support from my family and friends. I've been telling them I need to quit for months now but that never really sinks in. I don't think they take me seriously. But I would know right? It gets dark outside and I get restless and thirsty. I don't want to think, I don't want to sit at home alone, I want to forget. DOES NOT HAPPEN SOBER. I sit, think, wallow, stress, hate...until I can't take it anymore. Then that liquor starts tasting real good. Shot after shot until I can't think or feel. But I don't stop there. I've hurt people, I've hurt myself, it just needs to stop.
So my goal is to cut back big time. I hear drinks don't taste or feel good when you haven't had them for awhile. So I'm focusing on getting there. When I get there I may go further. I've spent the day reading a lot of blogs and threads here and I wanted you all to know I appreciate you all being here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome to SR, Tuftypanda!
Many of us have gone through what you've described.
First suggestion: just focus on right now, where you're at - today - that's it. Don't fear relapses - that's the future and it's self-defeating.
You'll find alot of support here. Keep reading/sharing. Glad you joined us.
Many of us have gone through what you've described.
First suggestion: just focus on right now, where you're at - today - that's it. Don't fear relapses - that's the future and it's self-defeating.
You'll find alot of support here. Keep reading/sharing. Glad you joined us.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Hello TuftyPanda,
Wow, clean from meth? 7 1/2 years? Incredible, amazing, a miracle! Impressive.
Now, to the drinking, I know how it sneaks up on you. Me too, but then it really went downhill fast.
I am so glad you are here, and reading the blogs and threads. You will feel the truth here TP, and I hope you meet whatever goals you set.
Beth.
Wow, clean from meth? 7 1/2 years? Incredible, amazing, a miracle! Impressive.
Now, to the drinking, I know how it sneaks up on you. Me too, but then it really went downhill fast.
I am so glad you are here, and reading the blogs and threads. You will feel the truth here TP, and I hope you meet whatever goals you set.
Beth.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi TuftyPanda
Welcome to SR. Yeah, it snuck up on me too - I think thats the same for nearly all of us - noone ever really plans to be an alcoholic
I've used alcohol to feel normal too, and to feel at peace.
Trouble is, use booze for long enough and you forget what both those things really are - I know what normal is now, and I know what peace is - and I know I never approached it in all the years I was drinking....not even close.
That's why cutting back never worked for me - I was still chasing something that simply wasn't good for me - and feeding a false perspective.
And it didn't matter to me whether things tasted good or not - I drank 'em. I was addicted.
You'll find a lot of support here - even if there's not a lot in your real life.
I'd really give that meeting a go tho - any face to face support and numbers to call are a good thing, Panda.
Look forward to seeing you around
D
Welcome to SR. Yeah, it snuck up on me too - I think thats the same for nearly all of us - noone ever really plans to be an alcoholic
I've used alcohol to feel normal too, and to feel at peace.
Trouble is, use booze for long enough and you forget what both those things really are - I know what normal is now, and I know what peace is - and I know I never approached it in all the years I was drinking....not even close.
That's why cutting back never worked for me - I was still chasing something that simply wasn't good for me - and feeding a false perspective.
And it didn't matter to me whether things tasted good or not - I drank 'em. I was addicted.
You'll find a lot of support here - even if there's not a lot in your real life.
I'd really give that meeting a go tho - any face to face support and numbers to call are a good thing, Panda.
Look forward to seeing you around
D
Last edited by Dee74; 03-25-2010 at 09:51 PM. Reason: clarity
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 256
TuftyPanda -
Welcome!! Drinking snuck up on me too. It was wonderful until it wasn't. And when it wasn't, it really wasn't. I must say (gently) that having a goal of cutting back, usually doesn't work. I think most of us on here tried to cut back, by using various different methods, and it just doesn't work long term. Oh sure...I can be good (sometimes), if I try really really hard. But maybe I don't get slobbering drunk this time, but it's always just a matter of time before I totally lose control again.
I spent a lot of time trying to control it, playing a mind game with myself. It took so much energy. But I guess I had to try. Had to prove to myself over and over that I'd fail, so I could finally get to the point to cry uncle.
I wish you all the best, and commend you for coming here and reaching out. Never give up.
Welcome!! Drinking snuck up on me too. It was wonderful until it wasn't. And when it wasn't, it really wasn't. I must say (gently) that having a goal of cutting back, usually doesn't work. I think most of us on here tried to cut back, by using various different methods, and it just doesn't work long term. Oh sure...I can be good (sometimes), if I try really really hard. But maybe I don't get slobbering drunk this time, but it's always just a matter of time before I totally lose control again.
I spent a lot of time trying to control it, playing a mind game with myself. It took so much energy. But I guess I had to try. Had to prove to myself over and over that I'd fail, so I could finally get to the point to cry uncle.
I wish you all the best, and commend you for coming here and reaching out. Never give up.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 29
Day 2. Still shaking. I'm frusterated and restless and came to a conclusion a few people have commented on already. There can't be cutting back. Its gonna have to be all or nothing. That prospect is thoroughly depressing.
At this point I'm ready to put my head through a wall. Or bite something.
At this point I'm ready to put my head through a wall. Or bite something.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by TuftyPanda 
I'm tired of the embarrassment of being black-out drunk. I'm tired of unexplainable bruises, never having money, always having a headache in the morning, cleaning up puke, getting the shakes, getting into brawls...enough is enough. I've had more than enough.
I looked into AA and may be attending a meeting sometime this week. No harm in trying it right? Worst case scenario, its not for me.
.
I looked into AA and may be attending a meeting sometime this week. No harm in trying it right? Worst case scenario, its not for me.
.
Good luck to you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to SR! 
I'm glad you joined the family.
I must say I tried, at first, to cut back. It never worked and I was drinking just like I always did before long. For me it's all or nothing when it comes to drinking, and I don't want to drink any more. Never. Too many bad things can happen that haven't happened yet and I don't want to know how far down I can sink. Not to mention not hurting those I love who love me. I've already done enough damage to myself and to them.
I hope that you can quit for good by taking it one day at a time. Don't drink today. Repeat when tomorrow becomes today. It's working for me.
I'm glad you joined the family.I must say I tried, at first, to cut back. It never worked and I was drinking just like I always did before long. For me it's all or nothing when it comes to drinking, and I don't want to drink any more. Never. Too many bad things can happen that haven't happened yet and I don't want to know how far down I can sink. Not to mention not hurting those I love who love me. I've already done enough damage to myself and to them.
I hope that you can quit for good by taking it one day at a time. Don't drink today. Repeat when tomorrow becomes today. It's working for me.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Originally Posted by TuftyPanda
Day 2. Still shaking. I'm frusterated and restless and came to a conclusion a few people have commented on already. There can't be cutting back. Its gonna have to be all or nothing. That prospect is thoroughly depressing.
At this point I'm ready to put my head through a wall. Or bite something.
At this point I'm ready to put my head through a wall. Or bite something.
Welcome. It does not make you feel better today but wanted you to know that after this detoxing phase it is MUCH easier to quit than "moderate" when you are an addict. Can you imagine if you had tried to "moderate" your meth use 7 1/2 years ago? You might still be a tweeker, living with all those consequences.
I put myself in rehab for meth 15 years ago. I have not touched it since. Yay! But after a few years of complete sobriety I convinced myself that I could drink socially because alcohol was never the problem, crystal was.
Well, fast forward a decade and a lot of pain, misery, blackouts, apologies, headaches, etc., I became willing to admit that my life was unmanageable and surrendered. I have now been sober almost 2 years (May 9th) from all mind altering substances and it is a HELL of a lot easier than trying to control my drinking. That was torture!
Do not worry about forever. Stay in today. What are your goals for today? Focus on that. When you wake up tomorrow, focus on the goals for Saturday
, one step at a time. Busy yourself, it helps. My husband is a normie and does not get my alcoholism or how vital my recovery is to my peace and happiness. But he loves the results In fact I remember my 1 year bday and I flipped on him cause he was not celebrating. To him, yeah, ok, so what. He does not drink every day and no one congratulates him. lol. So...I have a group of AA friends that support my recovery and can celebrate it with me.
Again,
. It is great to have you here!
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