My AH will be going to jail soon...
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
My AH will be going to jail soon...
He purposely missed a court date yesterday for the OMVI he's facing. He's suppose to go to court in another county for 2 OMVI's. He said he's not going. There is already a bench warrant out from yesterday and they'll be one out for today as well.
He's out of his mind on benzo's/ heroin. He gets cocky, aggressive, beligerant when he messes with benzo's. It's like a switch that flips on and he becomes a completely irrational jerk who won't listen to anyone. His family has desperately tried to get him to turn himself in because in reality he wasn't really facing time. Now he is. He's off and running today.
He says he's just going to disappear. I said he wouldn't get far with no job, no $. He just keeps going and going and going. It is my hope now that he does get time. I'm just sitting here helpless watching him slit his own throat. At this point, I'm ok with it. I can walk away and know that I did everything humanly possible. Throughout the last few months his entire family has tried to stop this path he's on. We've (myself included) have tried to be road blocks to deter or slow him down. He's jumped over every one of us full speed ahead.
I'm sitting here in disbelief that this is happening. But I'm ok with it at this point. I can hold my head up and know that it's not me. It's him. Nobody could stop it. Myself included. I've made it clear that I will not be visiting him in prison, nor will I subject the kids to that.
I am yet again at a loss with what to tell the kids. How humiliating that their daddy is in jail.
He's out of his mind on benzo's/ heroin. He gets cocky, aggressive, beligerant when he messes with benzo's. It's like a switch that flips on and he becomes a completely irrational jerk who won't listen to anyone. His family has desperately tried to get him to turn himself in because in reality he wasn't really facing time. Now he is. He's off and running today.
He says he's just going to disappear. I said he wouldn't get far with no job, no $. He just keeps going and going and going. It is my hope now that he does get time. I'm just sitting here helpless watching him slit his own throat. At this point, I'm ok with it. I can walk away and know that I did everything humanly possible. Throughout the last few months his entire family has tried to stop this path he's on. We've (myself included) have tried to be road blocks to deter or slow him down. He's jumped over every one of us full speed ahead.
I'm sitting here in disbelief that this is happening. But I'm ok with it at this point. I can hold my head up and know that it's not me. It's him. Nobody could stop it. Myself included. I've made it clear that I will not be visiting him in prison, nor will I subject the kids to that.
I am yet again at a loss with what to tell the kids. How humiliating that their daddy is in jail.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Callie 
I am yet again at a loss with what to tell the kids. How humiliating that their daddy is in jail.
I think it would have been easier if he had been an active addict/alcoholic in jail or on the run.
However, in the long run, I was able to put all those crappy feelings aside and just focus on being the best parent that I could.
She knows who's been there for her through thick and thin.
Your kids will know who's been there for them too.
They will see a strong and confident mother who only wants the best for them.
:ghug3 :ghug3
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Is your divorce final?
You don't have to tell them that their daddy is in jail yet. He's not even in jail yet. deal with it when it happens. I'm sure a solution will present itself. You've been through this before right? This isn't the first time he's been arrested.
Would you expect anything different to result from the way he is behaving? At least he'll be in jail and not out on the streets anymore risking his life and the lives of everyone around him. Better to be in jail than to be out of jail thrashing your house, using heroin and beating up cheetos in walmart stores.
Jail is just a consequence for bad illegal behaviors. Some actions are just unacceptable in this world. Using heroin is one of them. That's what I'd tell my kids anyway. That and that jail is probably the best place for him right now - considering how he's been behaving. Try to look at it as a teachable moment.
Actions have consequences.
Sometimes we worry too much about what other people think. Instead we should focus on doing the next right thing. The only thing we can control are our behaviors and our responses to other people's behavior. Everything else is out of our control. And we set ourselves up for disappointment when we think we can change someone other than ourselves.
You don't have to tell them that their daddy is in jail yet. He's not even in jail yet. deal with it when it happens. I'm sure a solution will present itself. You've been through this before right? This isn't the first time he's been arrested.
Would you expect anything different to result from the way he is behaving? At least he'll be in jail and not out on the streets anymore risking his life and the lives of everyone around him. Better to be in jail than to be out of jail thrashing your house, using heroin and beating up cheetos in walmart stores.
Jail is just a consequence for bad illegal behaviors. Some actions are just unacceptable in this world. Using heroin is one of them. That's what I'd tell my kids anyway. That and that jail is probably the best place for him right now - considering how he's been behaving. Try to look at it as a teachable moment.
Actions have consequences.
Sometimes we worry too much about what other people think. Instead we should focus on doing the next right thing. The only thing we can control are our behaviors and our responses to other people's behavior. Everything else is out of our control. And we set ourselves up for disappointment when we think we can change someone other than ourselves.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 63
I'm sorry you're going through this, especially with the kids. But- it's fantastic that you're ok with it, that you can sit back and see you did what you could and realize that this isn't your fault. That is one of the biggest things we deal with, feel like there was more we could have done and we should have done this or that. So it's great that you you know you did what you could, he wasn't able to see that or realize the direction he was going and you can accept it.
I think you realizing and knowing it was him and not you will greatly help you through all of this. It'll help with your sanity and it'll help, somehow, with explaining it to the kids. It's not easy but you're heading in the right direction.
I think you realizing and knowing it was him and not you will greatly help you through all of this. It'll help with your sanity and it'll help, somehow, with explaining it to the kids. It's not easy but you're heading in the right direction.
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HK - divorce is not final yet. At least I don't have the paperwork as of today.
Jail is just a consequence for bad illegal behaviors. Some actions are just unacceptable in this world. Using heroin is one of them. That's what I'd tell my kids anyway. That and that jail is probably the best place for him right now - considering how he's been behaving. Try to look at it as a teachable moment.
Good advice HK. I know I need to be their anchor for our lives now (although I have been all along). I need to make sure they know they're safe and secure with me while their dad spirals out of control.
He's going to be so unbelievably miserable in jail. His biggest fear is being dopesick. He is terrified of that. Oh well, he's had choices along the way. Many, many choices and chances. He blew past all of them. At least he'll be off the streets and I don't have to worry about him popping out here or calling. At least for now I'll have an answer for myself and for my kids as to where AH is or what he's doing.
Prior to all of this he was going to enter treatment and go live with his dads. For the last 3 months he's been saying 'just a couple more days, just a couple more days' and then he'd do this or that in preparation for his departure. I guess in jail, you don't have to worry about packing a bag or tying loose ends up. He'll look cute in his little orange jump suit. I hope his cell mate doesn't think so too.
Jail is just a consequence for bad illegal behaviors. Some actions are just unacceptable in this world. Using heroin is one of them. That's what I'd tell my kids anyway. That and that jail is probably the best place for him right now - considering how he's been behaving. Try to look at it as a teachable moment.
Good advice HK. I know I need to be their anchor for our lives now (although I have been all along). I need to make sure they know they're safe and secure with me while their dad spirals out of control.
He's going to be so unbelievably miserable in jail. His biggest fear is being dopesick. He is terrified of that. Oh well, he's had choices along the way. Many, many choices and chances. He blew past all of them. At least he'll be off the streets and I don't have to worry about him popping out here or calling. At least for now I'll have an answer for myself and for my kids as to where AH is or what he's doing.
Prior to all of this he was going to enter treatment and go live with his dads. For the last 3 months he's been saying 'just a couple more days, just a couple more days' and then he'd do this or that in preparation for his departure. I guess in jail, you don't have to worry about packing a bag or tying loose ends up. He'll look cute in his little orange jump suit. I hope his cell mate doesn't think so too.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
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Yeah. He WILL be dopesick in jail. Boo feckin' hoo buddy. Pay to play, I always say. Or man up! You wanna run with the big dawgs...
I feel MORE SORRY for his cell-mate who's going to have to live with him while he's dopesick.
Probably won't think he's too cute while he's puking all over himself.
See my baby's dad has also spent a lot of time in jail for his selfish bad choices. Now he's out of jail, doesn't have a clue how to manage his life, still lies, can't find a job and has broken teeth from falling down when he was high one too many times (claims the police did it). He's more of an embarrassment out of jail than in jail actually.
I feel MORE SORRY for his cell-mate who's going to have to live with him while he's dopesick.
He'll look cute in his little orange jump suit. I hope his cell mate doesn't think so too.
See my baby's dad has also spent a lot of time in jail for his selfish bad choices. Now he's out of jail, doesn't have a clue how to manage his life, still lies, can't find a job and has broken teeth from falling down when he was high one too many times (claims the police did it). He's more of an embarrassment out of jail than in jail actually.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i think being out on the street in active addiction is worse than being i jail even though i really do wish addicts would somehow choose not to do those things that they know will put them there. glad you are ok,
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
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I can hold my head up and know that it's not me. It's him.
On a sobering note (pun intended), I really hope for his sake that his status as an addict is already 'in the system'. Where I live, addicts have to tell them during intake or they're SOL as far as medical considerations go. My daughter's old boyfriend didn't tell them when he went in and of course they completely ignored him when he started having seizures. When he ended up in the county hospital and later tried to sue them for negligence/injuries, his attorney told him no can do. Even in jail/prison they have to own their disease or suffer the consequences.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
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Callie,
I know only to well the feelings of disbelief, seems like you should only see this kind of things in a movie but living it sure shows a different picture of the scene doesn't it!
The only thing possible at this point is looking after you and your children, trying to reason any sense into him is wasting your time. I am not sure how old your children are, old enough to know about drugs? What ever age they are though, they must know that things are not right, he hasn't gotten this far without it having caused some effect on the kids already.
Remember to not get to far ahead of yourself in thoughts of what and what not will happen, you will get your mind going in to many directions and fazzle yourself out. Jail is a very scarely word for young children and if they are young enough where they are not going to have to be told by their friends at school "your dad is in Jail" then I wouldn't even tell them where he is at this point, but if they are of school age then really there is no hiding it, but cross that bridge when you get there.
Rose
I know only to well the feelings of disbelief, seems like you should only see this kind of things in a movie but living it sure shows a different picture of the scene doesn't it!
The only thing possible at this point is looking after you and your children, trying to reason any sense into him is wasting your time. I am not sure how old your children are, old enough to know about drugs? What ever age they are though, they must know that things are not right, he hasn't gotten this far without it having caused some effect on the kids already.
Remember to not get to far ahead of yourself in thoughts of what and what not will happen, you will get your mind going in to many directions and fazzle yourself out. Jail is a very scarely word for young children and if they are young enough where they are not going to have to be told by their friends at school "your dad is in Jail" then I wouldn't even tell them where he is at this point, but if they are of school age then really there is no hiding it, but cross that bridge when you get there.
Rose
scorpgrl1978
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Little Rock, AR
Posts: 52
I've been exactly where you are right now. My (now ex) AH was on the run in Texas after having a binge of heroin...while out nothing could stop him. He was jumping from couch to couch, missed his court dates....of course he didn't get very far, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and the police showed up for a fight at one person's house he was at. They arrested him and charged him not only with his warrants but for the fact that he tried to hand over a fake ID and say it was him. (smaaaart move) He was sentenced to a year in prison.
So, of course, what do you think happened?
Of course, in the confines of a controlled environment, after getting dopesick (which I'm sure lasted for a few weeks to a month or two given his psychological dependency as well), he began writing me letter...after letter....after letter. Some of them expressing despondency, regret, anger (yes angry, he was angry at me for leaving him despite his horrible behaviors, he thought I should stay with him no matter what he did)...sadness, depression, etc etc. I could have carried on an on-going pen pal relationship with him; however, in the 30+ letters he wrote me, I only wrote him back a few times. Why? Well, because once I realized he was in a safe place and was no longer a threat to himself or his environment, I could stand back and really look at him and the situation objectively, and think about how many chances I had given him to try and work with me and times I had tried to help him to get help and every single time he screwed me and our children over for his first love....drugs.
To bring you up to date, he has since been released earlier this month, and I have heard from him one time. He called, saying he was ready to come back home, that he missed his kids, etc etc....(this is after the fact that he knows we have been divorced for several months now)...he said he would call the following day to check again on how everyone was doing....that was almost a week ago. He never called back.
I know what he's doing....you know what he's doing. This is the heartbreak of it all, and yet, the best thing possible we can do is SURVIVE and live the life we are meant to live for ourselves and for those who we CAN help and we CAN support, our children. I have no doubt you still care about and love your ex, as I do mine, but I can also say that in truth I am no longer IN love with him, and also have no anger, no animosity, I have simply....let.him.go.
I pray that you will come to the same place...and I believe you will. I can tell you that this last year without my ex and in an environment where I can be with my kids IN PEACE has been better than most of the last few years with my ex-AH, which were a waking nightmare. Give yourself some time and distance, and you will be able to let go as well.
So, of course, what do you think happened?
Of course, in the confines of a controlled environment, after getting dopesick (which I'm sure lasted for a few weeks to a month or two given his psychological dependency as well), he began writing me letter...after letter....after letter. Some of them expressing despondency, regret, anger (yes angry, he was angry at me for leaving him despite his horrible behaviors, he thought I should stay with him no matter what he did)...sadness, depression, etc etc. I could have carried on an on-going pen pal relationship with him; however, in the 30+ letters he wrote me, I only wrote him back a few times. Why? Well, because once I realized he was in a safe place and was no longer a threat to himself or his environment, I could stand back and really look at him and the situation objectively, and think about how many chances I had given him to try and work with me and times I had tried to help him to get help and every single time he screwed me and our children over for his first love....drugs.
To bring you up to date, he has since been released earlier this month, and I have heard from him one time. He called, saying he was ready to come back home, that he missed his kids, etc etc....(this is after the fact that he knows we have been divorced for several months now)...he said he would call the following day to check again on how everyone was doing....that was almost a week ago. He never called back.
I know what he's doing....you know what he's doing. This is the heartbreak of it all, and yet, the best thing possible we can do is SURVIVE and live the life we are meant to live for ourselves and for those who we CAN help and we CAN support, our children. I have no doubt you still care about and love your ex, as I do mine, but I can also say that in truth I am no longer IN love with him, and also have no anger, no animosity, I have simply....let.him.go.
I pray that you will come to the same place...and I believe you will. I can tell you that this last year without my ex and in an environment where I can be with my kids IN PEACE has been better than most of the last few years with my ex-AH, which were a waking nightmare. Give yourself some time and distance, and you will be able to let go as well.
scorpgrl1978
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Little Rock, AR
Posts: 52
One more thing, in regards to how you address the issue with the kids...
I have told my daughter (who is turning 4 in a few days) this much: "You're daddy is in Texas, he's in sort of a 'time out', its not your fault, daddy is there because of daddy...but he loves you, mommy loves you, your brother loves you, grandma loves you...etc etc..." Then I give her big hugs and kisses and WE KEEP LIVING LIFE and MOVE ON. Of course I'm here if she ever wanted to ask any questions, and she asks about him and misses him, but I think she more wonders about the concept of a "father" rather than who her father actually was. My ex was not a father to our children, and neither is your ex. If he were, he would actually BE A PARENT and do what's right for his family and kids. You deserve a husband, and a father, and you know what? You might really find that again with a man who is deserving of those titles, and truly embraces those roles. I'll keep you in my thoughts, and just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I have told my daughter (who is turning 4 in a few days) this much: "You're daddy is in Texas, he's in sort of a 'time out', its not your fault, daddy is there because of daddy...but he loves you, mommy loves you, your brother loves you, grandma loves you...etc etc..." Then I give her big hugs and kisses and WE KEEP LIVING LIFE and MOVE ON. Of course I'm here if she ever wanted to ask any questions, and she asks about him and misses him, but I think she more wonders about the concept of a "father" rather than who her father actually was. My ex was not a father to our children, and neither is your ex. If he were, he would actually BE A PARENT and do what's right for his family and kids. You deserve a husband, and a father, and you know what? You might really find that again with a man who is deserving of those titles, and truly embraces those roles. I'll keep you in my thoughts, and just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
(((Callie)))
Although I truely hope he gets jail time and stays dope sick as he!! for weeks, he has been very lucky as far as escaping any type of consequence thus far. His family has rolled out the red carpet and begged him to go to treatment and he has ducked and weaved and avoided the cushey medically supervised detox so....I pray that he has to suffer.
I don't mean that in a bad way Callie but after the way he's terrorized, used, manipulated, conned, abused and abandoned you and the kids, if he continues to slip through the system, he could very well die. I would like to see the man suffer a few consequences!
He won't be done until he's done with it. He's not ready. It seems like being horrifically dope sick would be a deterant for picking up again but I'm not an addict so I don't know.
Hugs and prayers for continued peacefulness in her soul Callie. Keep your head up and your shoulders squared because like said, this is not about you. Keep your children close and continue to lavish them with your special "mommy love".
I love the "time out" idea but your kids are probably too old for that. Restriction? Hmmmm.
XXXOOO
Although I truely hope he gets jail time and stays dope sick as he!! for weeks, he has been very lucky as far as escaping any type of consequence thus far. His family has rolled out the red carpet and begged him to go to treatment and he has ducked and weaved and avoided the cushey medically supervised detox so....I pray that he has to suffer.
I don't mean that in a bad way Callie but after the way he's terrorized, used, manipulated, conned, abused and abandoned you and the kids, if he continues to slip through the system, he could very well die. I would like to see the man suffer a few consequences!
He won't be done until he's done with it. He's not ready. It seems like being horrifically dope sick would be a deterant for picking up again but I'm not an addict so I don't know.
Hugs and prayers for continued peacefulness in her soul Callie. Keep your head up and your shoulders squared because like said, this is not about you. Keep your children close and continue to lavish them with your special "mommy love".
I love the "time out" idea but your kids are probably too old for that. Restriction? Hmmmm.
XXXOOO
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,064
I stopped my active addiction when the consequences for me were to the point I could see me either losing my life or finally doing something that would land me in jail. I was not far gone enough to not have a choice. I think that is how it is with addiction, there are degrees of it like stages of a disease and there comes a point when the addiction is so severe that there is no longer a choice. I never got to that point. I don't condone at all what havoc he's wreaked and what he's done to so many people but I don't think he is able at this point to have any choice, he is Powerless in his addiction. I pray he finds jail to get sober and clean and maybe then he will find he has choices. We should all pray for this guy, he was once a small innocent child and he's just very very sick now. My prayers too go to Callie and her kids. You have done all you can or is expected, he is in God's hands at this point and I hope you and the children can finally get some peace, it has been very rough. Hugs
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
He is still out I guess. FIL called police from 8 states away yesterday and said he wanted AH picked up on the bench warrants. Police went down there, but MIL wouldn't let them in. I guess he's got a very bad infection in his knee area (shooting up) and it's inflamed all the way down his leg. MIL and SIL are trying to get him to the ER. Basically with bench warrants, they have to have permission to come in and get AH, or if they see him out and about they can get him.
He's a mess right now. A mess. He's high 24/7 it sounds like. Benzo's/heroin. I called the court yesterday and the divorce is still not final. He's making such a fool of himself. I'm trying my best to look the other way and disassociate myself from him.
The kids have spring break all next week. I'm sick, (cold/sore throat) and back to work, baseball, softball and 4-h start this week. I hate him for being a POS dad/husband right now. We'll be ok though. I will make this a fun spring break for the kids.
He's a mess right now. A mess. He's high 24/7 it sounds like. Benzo's/heroin. I called the court yesterday and the divorce is still not final. He's making such a fool of himself. I'm trying my best to look the other way and disassociate myself from him.
The kids have spring break all next week. I'm sick, (cold/sore throat) and back to work, baseball, softball and 4-h start this week. I hate him for being a POS dad/husband right now. We'll be ok though. I will make this a fun spring break for the kids.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Obsessing over things and someone you do not control, him, his addiction, his misery, his past chances, his needles, his sores, his warrants, his craziness, his dope sickness, his family and so on, is crazy making stuff.
I sincerely hope you are able to enjoy some time with your kids during their Spring Break.
There is life after him, you know.
I sincerely hope you are able to enjoy some time with your kids during their Spring Break.
There is life after him, you know.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
There is life after him, you know
I'm scratching and clawing my way to that life Outto! You are 100% right. It IS crazy making stuff. Thank you. During the last few years I have had fun doing things with the kids, running them around etc. But I've not been fully in the moment.
I'm scratching and clawing my way to that life Outto! You are 100% right. It IS crazy making stuff. Thank you. During the last few years I have had fun doing things with the kids, running them around etc. But I've not been fully in the moment.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
Callie-
I may be wrong here.. But if you believe that he should be arrested. If you feel like you may resent your mother-in-law for not letting the police in the house.
Your divorce is not final yet. I think that means the house is also in your name, so you have the legal right to give the police permission to enter.
Part of the disease.. the sickness that seems to go with this disease. Many times the families always think, everyone else should or could.. or can. We point fingers and blame others.
Just saying- if you think his mom "should" let the police in. You sound worried about his health. These things get complicated. (been there) But today, you do have a choice.
If you were to ask my opinion.. I actually think your MIL is in a tough spot. It isn't her home. In a week, she is dependant on your ex.. The divorce goes through and she is dependant on him, for a roof over her head. That home is not hers, it is not in her name. She is probably afraid. And we know how manipulative addicts who are using can be. How it feels to be dependant on them. Around them, when they are crazy.
It is hard to think clearly.
Another thing to think about.. When the divorce is final. He will get money? I wouldn't expect him to go to jail. I would expect him to be on the first plane out of dodge! And if he gets busted in another state. Those bench warrents in your state, will mean nothing. No way will they pay to extradite him.. heck they will be happy another state is paying for the jail to keep him in!
Those things shocked me.. Just don't want you to be shocked. Not saying it will happen, just that it can.
You were being "fair" with your divorce. Nice..
My ES&H.. I wish I had been nicer to myself, my children. All my ex did, was take the money and put it into a pipe and smoke it.. (yeah- I also thought he would go to treatment)
Forgiving him, that is easy compared to forgiving myself. My son's deserved more, deserved better, and I have to admit, my part. My responsibility. As a parent. Their parent.
While you have the ability to. You may want to review the settlement.
Make sure not just the money is worked out- the custody and visitation. Assets protected.. what there is left. Put into trusts for your kids. You can NOT trust you ex!
Just saying- you do have some power today. You can. In a week you can not. You will no longer be viewed as family or the wife. You are the ex..
I may be wrong here.. But if you believe that he should be arrested. If you feel like you may resent your mother-in-law for not letting the police in the house.
Your divorce is not final yet. I think that means the house is also in your name, so you have the legal right to give the police permission to enter.
Part of the disease.. the sickness that seems to go with this disease. Many times the families always think, everyone else should or could.. or can. We point fingers and blame others.
Just saying- if you think his mom "should" let the police in. You sound worried about his health. These things get complicated. (been there) But today, you do have a choice.
If you were to ask my opinion.. I actually think your MIL is in a tough spot. It isn't her home. In a week, she is dependant on your ex.. The divorce goes through and she is dependant on him, for a roof over her head. That home is not hers, it is not in her name. She is probably afraid. And we know how manipulative addicts who are using can be. How it feels to be dependant on them. Around them, when they are crazy.
It is hard to think clearly.
Another thing to think about.. When the divorce is final. He will get money? I wouldn't expect him to go to jail. I would expect him to be on the first plane out of dodge! And if he gets busted in another state. Those bench warrents in your state, will mean nothing. No way will they pay to extradite him.. heck they will be happy another state is paying for the jail to keep him in!
Those things shocked me.. Just don't want you to be shocked. Not saying it will happen, just that it can.
You were being "fair" with your divorce. Nice..
My ES&H.. I wish I had been nicer to myself, my children. All my ex did, was take the money and put it into a pipe and smoke it.. (yeah- I also thought he would go to treatment)
Forgiving him, that is easy compared to forgiving myself. My son's deserved more, deserved better, and I have to admit, my part. My responsibility. As a parent. Their parent.
While you have the ability to. You may want to review the settlement.
Make sure not just the money is worked out- the custody and visitation. Assets protected.. what there is left. Put into trusts for your kids. You can NOT trust you ex!
Just saying- you do have some power today. You can. In a week you can not. You will no longer be viewed as family or the wife. You are the ex..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
SL thank you. I don't begrudge MIL for not letting them in. It would be hard to see them come and take him. FIL asked me if I would go in there. I said no. They have to be physically allowed to go on there. As in they have to have the door opened for them. They just can't bust in there. I don't blame MIL. That would have been the best thing for him, but traumatizing for her.
As far as $ AH gets none in the divorce. He already cashed out his 401k, kept the car insurance $, has gotten unemployment all along. It would not suprise me if he did run. I hope he doesn't, but it wouldn't suprise me.
As far as MIL's home - it is set to be sold. BUT if she keeps up with everything like she has been doing, I'll let it go until the housing market changes. I don't want to pull the rug out from under her.
As for now, AH is still running/dealing/selling/doing drugs. I guess his leg is really infected and turning black. It's moving down his leg. His family is trying to get him to the ER, but first things first. Drugs.
As far as assets, custody, visitation etc. Check. It's done and in order. I'm just waiting for the judge to sign off.
As far as $ AH gets none in the divorce. He already cashed out his 401k, kept the car insurance $, has gotten unemployment all along. It would not suprise me if he did run. I hope he doesn't, but it wouldn't suprise me.
As far as MIL's home - it is set to be sold. BUT if she keeps up with everything like she has been doing, I'll let it go until the housing market changes. I don't want to pull the rug out from under her.
As for now, AH is still running/dealing/selling/doing drugs. I guess his leg is really infected and turning black. It's moving down his leg. His family is trying to get him to the ER, but first things first. Drugs.
As far as assets, custody, visitation etc. Check. It's done and in order. I'm just waiting for the judge to sign off.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Forgiving him, that is easy compared to forgiving myself. My son's deserved more, deserved better, and I have to admit, my part. My responsibility. As a parent. Their parent.
I struggle with this so much right now. I got a call from AH's cousin yesterday. They were like brothers growing up. He lives in another state. I haven't talked with him for 6-8 months but we always got along. He called ME. To see how I was doing. How the KIDS were doing. He didn't call about AH, he called about US. He said 'Callie are you done?" I said yes, I have to be. He said "Let him go, I respect you, I care about you, I know you did everything that you could, let him go." He said I love you guys and I always will, but let him go. I was so touched because they were like bff's growing up and have ALWAYS been close. He and his wife use to hang out with AH and I all of the time.
Today, I am working on stuff in the house, coralling kids, running errands etc. I'm getting sickening texts from AH needing $. He has absolutely no other focus than drugs. I know he's on his last leg and only has a short time as a free man. I hate to say it, but I'll be relieved when they get him and lock him up. He needs protection from his own hands. He's killing himself.
I struggle with this so much right now. I got a call from AH's cousin yesterday. They were like brothers growing up. He lives in another state. I haven't talked with him for 6-8 months but we always got along. He called ME. To see how I was doing. How the KIDS were doing. He didn't call about AH, he called about US. He said 'Callie are you done?" I said yes, I have to be. He said "Let him go, I respect you, I care about you, I know you did everything that you could, let him go." He said I love you guys and I always will, but let him go. I was so touched because they were like bff's growing up and have ALWAYS been close. He and his wife use to hang out with AH and I all of the time.
Today, I am working on stuff in the house, coralling kids, running errands etc. I'm getting sickening texts from AH needing $. He has absolutely no other focus than drugs. I know he's on his last leg and only has a short time as a free man. I hate to say it, but I'll be relieved when they get him and lock him up. He needs protection from his own hands. He's killing himself.
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