MsPINKAcres

ahh - the saga continues - the drama with my daughter Katrina never ceases - which means my continued recovery work will NEVER be done -

MAJOR relapse on my part yesterday - total melt down

My mother tells me yesterday afternoon that K, her dysfuntional BF and the 3 girls are moving in with my EX AH!!


WTF is my first thought

She continues to be angry at me for exposing her to ex AH's(her step-father) behaviors for all her childhood, but now she is going to move in with him??????? exposing her 3 daughters to the same thing??????

My mom ask her has she told me yet, her response "I'm never telling mom"

Well "hello Cleopatra, how's that river of denial workin for ya?"

I freaked - angry, sad, crying, wanting to take a bat to those PINE Trees that I like to talk to!!
I just kept thinking how scary and confusing that would be for those little girls! The oldest is 7, she still remembers the house, she talks about it and the things she and I did there, had to explain we aren't going to be able to go back there. My heart is breaking for the pain she might feel!!!
My daughter is a SLOB!! I mean really nasty housekeeper - I can't imagine that house being kept so filthy - HELLO ENVY AND PRIDE monsters that are attacking me!!!

Then another daughter texts me after 10 pm last nite to tell me, ex AH says it's not true.

After much prayer and pull out my RECOVERY TOOLS - I realize this is really NONE OF MY BUSINESS!!
Katrina is 27 yrs old - she can live where ever she wants to
It is exAH's house - he can allow anyone he wants to live it that house - it doesn't belong to me anymore!!
Those precious granddaughers of mine - that I love so much and want such healthy lives for - They are GOD's CHILDREN!! He loves them even more than I do - He will protect them and work what is BEST for them!

God's in control, Rita is NOT - this is a very very good thing!

This morning my ex AH called me to try to find out what was going on with K - we had a decent conversation - I told him - you know it's really none of my business - I'm trying to let her live her life - I can tell you why I won't allow her and the BF to live with me - what my perspective of the situation is but you and she can discuss what y'all want to do.

It was strange talking to him - he was sober - sounded like it was one of those really "good" times - ya know the few n far between times.

I'm glad that we were able to discuss the issue without fighting, blaming, etc. -

It was not a bad conversation at all.
What will be the outcome - Still really not sure - after all it is not my decision -

See God is in control

I'm am not

Life is so much better than way!

PINK HUGS to all,
Rita

liesagain

oh Rita sorry about the worry about the grandbabies but your right God loves them......
you have a really strong recovery and it shows,
bug hugs!!!

coffeedrinker

I wouldn't even consider that blip to be a relapse - you didn't start meddling, you didn't preach or lecture or do something manipulative to get things to go the way you think they should. You just got angry and reacted. Anger is always about fear or hurt, right? Entirely understandable.

Thanks for sharing. You are doing fine. Hope all turns out for the best for those tots.

Freedom1990

Your relapse was far shorter than mine, Rita!

This really touched me.

I had my grandkids recently for the night, and what a delightful visit we all had. I've learned to cherish the times we do have together, and let go of the worry I used to have all the time when they weren't with me.

Ann

As a Nobel Prize winning worryer, I finally learned what people meant when they told me that worry was a wasted emotion.

Having bad thoughts, feeling angry and frustrated, only hurt you and at least you didn't act out. I think that shows that your recovery is right where it should be...it's OKAY to feel, just not okay to act out or interfere in what is not ours to control.

You're doing just fine from where I sit.

Hugs

MsPINKAcres

Thanks so much for the support, love and words of encouragement!

K just called me - seems exAH has not changed his mind and told her that she, the BF and girls can't move in.

She is once again claiming the victim - she has no where to go, no one to help her and life is hopeless - Never once taking resposibility for her actions (breaks my heart for her - cause she just can't see the insanity and dysfunction - her own path right?)

So I changed the subject told her I would pay for the girls softball pictures for this Saturday for their opening day - she said pictures are the last thing on my mind - not a thanks mom or anything but ya know i didn't expect it - as we do before recovery she is all wrapped up in her chaos -

She said - I guess we will just live in a shelter, I know you're busy - i'll let you go. then she hung up the phone.

I'm not taking on that guilt she is trying to dish out.
I'm concerned about where the girls will be - I'm concern about a lot of things - but I need to allow her the dignity and self-respect to figure it out right?

right now my head knows this but my heart isn't feeling it very much!

CAPTAINZING2000

how old is the b/f ?? Is he not working??

I bristle at the idea of supporting s/o to my kids.

They want to play house so be it.

You ex is actually doing you a favor.

cinderellawkids

hmm Rita, she defiantely wants you to feel guilty. Have a question? If this is due to extra people not on lease but she can afford rent, then can't she just afford to get another place, even a motel for a few nights...rather than a shelter?

I dont really know what things costa nd the like, but her comment so much reminded me of me when I swore last year I was gonna move into a tent

jewell614

Keeping you and your family in my prayers. You are doing a GREAT job. I admire you.

Freedom1990

Oh Rita, I know that feeling too well! :ghug3 :ghug3

MsPINKAcres

Part of the problem with K is that you can never be sure you are getting the FULL story from her - most of the time it is filled with half truths.

My perception would be the landlord evicted her because he rented to a single mom with 3 girls, now a BF is there full time with his 2 kids every other wkend.
BF doesn't work- home during the day watchin TV at a very loud level-his children have behavior problems and to say that both my daughter and BF are not very good housekeepers would be the understatement of the YEAR~!
According to her the rent is paid - but you know im sure a landlord thinks about more than money.
One of the granddaughters told about the BF ripping the door off the wall going into one of the bedrooms - I know he drinks far more than I would be comfortable with - there have been more than 1 incident where he has "disappeared" in her vehicle for more than a day, taken money, blah, blah, blah - came back with some excuse and she always accepts it.
Geez sound familiar??????

I buy clothes and stuff for the girls all the time, some stuff for her too - but I don't give her money. My parents help her financially. She just got a very very LARGE tax refund in February and has absolutely NOTHING to show for it.

My parents offered to help her and the girls - but won't help her if the bf continues to live off of her.

I think my ex was smart, sane and healthy by not allowing them to move it - i think he knows it will only make the situation worse. He can't stay sober/clean as it is - he definitely won't do well exposed to another drinker/user-and I could be totally wrong - but hopefully there is still part of him that is a true grandfather to those precious babies that knows he doesn't want them around him when he is like that!

a big part of me just wants to ask her does she want me to take the 3 girls and let her go off with the BF and live that insane life, but if you make her mad then she won't allow you to see the granddaughters - she's just that way.

She needs help - I pray for her often.

Chino

Right away I heard the counselor at rehab saying "wait for the question." I always thought it was great advice, a way for us to stop trying to control. Now I see the flip side -- it gives everyone a way to be in control of their choices.

StillLearning1

Just my opinion but I think you are giving him to much credit.
Has he done anything in the recent past, that show's he is capable of thinking of his daughter or grandchildren? Or for that matter is he even honest?
Is there any reason to believe him, over your daughter?

Sorry, but I think the odds are better, that he is probably just thinking about himself.

cinderellawkids

Rita, that was my thought too. It may have to do with his own sobriety and not wanting to get involved in the chaos too, we've all seen them make some smart decisions at times. I think when he thought about it, possibly as well as got no reaction out of you, he decided it was too much. I hope she figures it out and isnt as stubborn as I was

MsPINKAcres

I probably do give him too much credit - he is still WISE to stay away from the drama -

I'm sure he would have LOVED to hear me rant and rave bout her getting to live in the house and me not getting the house that was my dream home - I'm sure he would have loved to hear about my heart being broken about her choosing to live the life that I walked away from and how my heart is breaking to see those precious babies torn about by this disease. He probably would have loved to hear about the guilt I struggle with somedays - know he and I exposed her to this kind of lifestyle and she refuses to choose anything differently for herself and the girls.

BUT he didn't get it and maybe that's why he changed his mind - neither he or my daughter can truly be reliable sources for true answers.

EITHER WAY - it's none of my business right?

In about 30 mins - I'll make my way to the place I live now - a place filled with peace, joy, love and serenity - a place that doesn't revolve around chaos, drama or lies. A home filled with God's love, trust, honest and affection.
AND a PINK BARN AND PINK FENCE

My prayer is that one day, my precious daughter and granddaughters will enjoy the same (ok maybe they won't want the PINK BARN & FENCE) - I gently pass them to the God of my understanding asking that He give them HIS VERY BEST and give me the strength, courage and wisdom to stay out of the way!

HUGS,
Rita

bluebelle

I think that your peace is catching and you will be a wonderful guide to your grandchildren. They will learn that there is life without drama and chaos from your example. You are right. It is in God's hands.

Callie

I gently pass them to the God of my understanding asking that He give them HIS VERY BEST and give me the strength, courage and wisdom to stay out of the way!


As usual, you are handeling yourself with grace and dignity. I admire you Rita. I don't see this as a relapse, but a little blip. Keep moving forward out of the chaos. Prayers for your grandchildren.

MsPINKAcres

thanks again my wonderful precious friends -

I know I would be lost without each of you sharing your love, understanding and support!

All of you help me grow daily in my recovery!

May your day be filled with PINKNESS!!

HUGS,
Rita