enodm

I swear I am not a stupid person, but why do I keep letting my AS come back. Just kicked him out again... But as he says I was only smoking pot!!
He is such a good kid, just adore the sober him and I want to trust him, but know I cant. it's weird.. I'm not mad about it anymore... I feel sad for him, but kinda numb to it. Is that normal??? Want to cry, but cant....

idahoone

Enodm,

I too am the mom of an AS- I have recently been referring to him as RAS but based on his recent alcohol use....I am more comfortable saying AS. I think it is normal to feel numb- but I think it also is normal to cry, be angry....all the emotions. Good for you that you stuck to your boundaries and told him he needed to go- it is hard to do! My son doesn't live with me- and it makes it so much easier for me to not have a front row seat to the craziness. I don't think I could go back to watching him "do what he is going to do" without going crazy myself.

Detaching with love is so hard to do...but we really can be ok in spite of what THEY are doing!

Hugs,

Nina Kay

Hi enodm. It all sounds normal to me. I'm so sorry for what you're having to go through with your son. You are in my thoughts. Hang in there.

Brittani80

Hey!! I agree your not stupid! For the record, I do not consider myself normal LOL.
- I apologize in advance, my experience probably does not relate well. But I wanted to try to offer you my insight.
-As my ex-alcholic boyfriend continued to start/stop drinking without trying to I gradually perceived his condtion as "a fact of life" and still experience feelings of numbness. During his last binge just before I broke-up with him, it finally got to the point in which I was no longer angry, or sad that he was drinking, not even disappointed-because I stopped setting myself for the let-down. Over all I felt empty towards him, and sense of hopelessness for him. (Not to say, that I think people can not change, I beleive it is possible for him)
I admit it was weired when I could no longer bring myself to extremely emotional to cry, or to become angry, over his drinking anymore, it was like I had accepted him for him disease and was emotionally drained (no more intense anger. passion etc) from the entire experience, the only emotional I had left was inner sadness for him and his future.
-For me it was like the feeling I get when I have been speeding, and an officer pulls me over, before he comes to my window I mentally prepare myself/expect to get a ticket. So basically, Im just doing "the motions" I know I'm going to get a speeding ticket, I get my license, registration etc.. and I in my mind I'm saying "lets just get it over with quickly". I know I deserve a ticket for speeding; Its not personal and I experience this feeling of numbness when I get a speeding ticket and think "sigh, I guess all I can do, is make a better effort to not speed from this point on..whats done is done, no point in being mad at myself, just learn to do better next time"

enodm

I think it is very fair to say "going through the motions" I feel like I already know the outcome. He has court tomorrow, which I told him I was not going to go with him to "save" him. He seemed shocked, and honestly as bad as it may sound I hope he gets a few days in jail.. It may do him some good.
thanks for all your support!!
xoxo

CAPTAINZING2000

I'm going through the same thing with my son. I've yet to threaten him with kicking him out yet.

I'm trying to work out how much of it is due to him being in Afghanistan

enodm

Captian....I will tell you what kicking my 19 yr AS old out is the hardest thing I have EVER had to do, but as Idahooan said above... The front row of craziness is an awful place to be in!! I was to a point where I started to think I was going crazy, but am in a place now where I know I am not. That I have done all I can do, now it's up to him. He is staying at my sisters right now, but who knows how long that will last. Atleast I know he is safe... at least for now... He was in rehab November last year.. No drug of choice.. He likes EVERYTHING~Heroin, pills, weed (and spice, really lets smoke an inscense) and the latest $3.19 high huffing carb cleaner. (but he does not like to drink weird hu). He swears all he is doing is smoking weed, but who knows...... Love him, but wanna rip his face off... That sounds terrible hu....
Your in my prayers!!
Michelle

Spiritual Seeker

(((((((((Michelle))))))))))
We detach with anger initially...we eventually come around to detachment with love and compassion.

I have been in your shoes.
Things got better for me 1st because I couldn't take being attached to my son. Eventually my son got well also.
May good fortune find your family too.

LOVEYOUSON

Hi, It is a very difficult decision to make, but is most diffentely the right decision, my son moved out after me asking him to just over a month ago, not knowing what he is getting up to is a lot easier than watching him distroy himself on a daily basis. I miss him alot but I am not as stressed anymore, I have taken my life back. Last night he came over to visit me, he told me he misses me alot and he is very lonely, and immediately my mind started working overtime, "MAYBE I SHOULD LET HIM MOVE BACK" reading all the posts on situations similar to mine is a constant reminder on what not to do!!! So "THANKS" to SoberRecovery and everyone on it....

Insulated

You're really doing the right thing by not going to court with him. Your AS is beginning to learn to handle his own affairs. This was the start of my detaching w/late ABF. I simply didn't go to court with him, and didn't ask about how it went either. He was infuriated, but in the end he knew for certain I was done, gone, completely removed from the criminal record HE created. Late ABF was offended, shocked, appauled, and all that. But frankly, I'd lost interest in the events. He didn't have a car or cell phone OR money to even pay the attorney that was representing him. The thing is the more we codie's enable them, the worse they get.

I'd just landed a brand new job and training began across town at 8:00 on a monday.
Late ABF had to be in court. No car, No phone, No money to pay his attorney.
I was super nice and arranged MYSELF a ride to my first day of work ...(how stupid of me), and left him with my cell phone for the day. He actually had asked me to ask my new employer to wait the training for me, or miss my first day. The more we do for them, the more they want.

don't feel bad about not going to court with your AS. He knows the address and the drill.

Carol Star

I was addicted to pot. I think it is changing seats on the Titanic. I was a jerk to my mother when I tayed with her. She was an angel. I was just a junkie/biotch.

enodm

He did go to court and has to gather a bunch of stuff then meet with APP on April 6th. He is like oh well... I would be scared to death.. he's not, acts like it's a joke. Like I told him... This is not a joke, your an adult now and on probation from previous charges. He says K

I am weak right now... When did my little boy stop loving life and not loving or needing me! I FING hate this.
Anyways ugh....

CAPTAINZING2000

It's a whole different world out there today.

I go up to a rehab every Friday night. I've heard many of them say they don't know if, they've hit a bottom or not yet after being in prison living on the streets etc.

coffeedrinker

I think it would be terribly difficult to be around him. It sounds like he is living with you? If so, I certainly hope you can put an end to that sooner rather than later. Being around it 24/7 is unbearable.

He will not be like the beautiful boy you know and love while in active addiction. It's just so awful.

I have become sorta numb with my daughter as well - have been for awhile now. I think of it as being detached. But she has never done drugs - is opposed to weed and cigarettes and hard drugs, and so her behavior never got awful. It helped immensely having her not live in my home.

enodm

Over the past month I did kick him out, he came back for a couple of days I kicked him out again... Then he was in the ICU for almost overdosing, well he came home after that and within three days he was high so I said THAT"S IT!!! My brother in law went and picked him up and took him to their house. They have good intentions, but I think my sister feels like she never really tried to help him, and wants to do all she can. I have told her he wont stop until he is ready. So, he is out!
I am doing better with the detachment, but have weak moments.

Coffeedrinker, how is your daughter from her last incident?

coffeedrinker

Not ready.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ter-today.html


Thanks for asking.

enodm

It is scary to see or think about what it is going to take to get them to stop!! I pray they will both find their way safely!!! last night even after my son's bout in the ICU from methonol posioning from huffing carb clearner... My sister and brother in law caught him huffing again!!
I sure do love my kids, but if I have said it once I have said it a million times KIDS SUCK!!
xoxo

teke

sorry you are going through this and i pray that yuor son find his way soom. i know it has to be painful but imo, you really are doing a loving thing,''
'
it took for my family to walk away from me before i could see for myself just how out of control and destructive my life had become. today i'm clean and grateful for the decisions they made for themselves which allowed me to hit my bottom. that same bottom helped me to want to get clean and stay clean.

imo, to supply an addicts basic needs helps them to be more able to continue their drug use. that leaves them with nothing to be concerned about but drugs and more drugs.