Question about addiction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Question about addiction
Hey all,
My exAGF still claims that she does not have a drinking problem. I've seen her hide it, sneak around lie about it.
She went to rehab in 2008, and as she claims, it was for cocaine. She claims to have a cocaine problem but not a booze problem. She has never, to my knowledge done cocaine again, but still drinks to intoxication and indeed alcohol seems to be her big problem as far as I can see.
This, IMO, has got to be a smokescreen. How can she be addicted to one and not the other, I thought they sorta went hand in hand. I've never done drugs so I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this. My understanding was that as people get older, they turn to cocaine so they can continue to drink.
Any insights?
My exAGF still claims that she does not have a drinking problem. I've seen her hide it, sneak around lie about it.
She went to rehab in 2008, and as she claims, it was for cocaine. She claims to have a cocaine problem but not a booze problem. She has never, to my knowledge done cocaine again, but still drinks to intoxication and indeed alcohol seems to be her big problem as far as I can see.
This, IMO, has got to be a smokescreen. How can she be addicted to one and not the other, I thought they sorta went hand in hand. I've never done drugs so I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this. My understanding was that as people get older, they turn to cocaine so they can continue to drink.
Any insights?
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
I'm an alocholic to my core. When in my 20's I had about a two year fling with Meth. I was able to walk away without treatment soley (I believe) Because I had my trusty alcohol that I loved more.
With that said, we all get different effects from different substances. Might not like the feel of one so much. Like pot, I would have loved to quite drinking and smoked pot instead. But, I just didn't like it.
With that said, we all get different effects from different substances. Might not like the feel of one so much. Like pot, I would have loved to quite drinking and smoked pot instead. But, I just didn't like it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Me too Duped.
Liked to smoke pot and could go with out it.
But, I needed the recovery from alcohol.
While in recovery, I realized that anything I use, I will abuse.
It is who I am. Sucks, but its true.
dammit.
Escapism is the word.
And denial is the next word.
Yeah, usually after rehab, you have to do a lot of "replacement" drugs to lose the serenity you gained in rehab.
Sorry, replace "you" with "I".
Beth
Liked to smoke pot and could go with out it.
But, I needed the recovery from alcohol.
While in recovery, I realized that anything I use, I will abuse.
It is who I am. Sucks, but its true.
dammit.
Escapism is the word.
And denial is the next word.
Yeah, usually after rehab, you have to do a lot of "replacement" drugs to lose the serenity you gained in rehab.
Sorry, replace "you" with "I".
Beth
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
My viewpoint is that she used the trickery called substitution.
Cocaine may be her first, or "best" drug - but she needed to get off it and did. She realizes she doesn't wanna go down that crazy path again, but she found second-best: alcohol. Subbing one drug for another - or an entirely different addiction (crossing over to gambling happens I hear) - is pretty common. If she is like my xah, she will never touch coke again.
Cocaine may be her first, or "best" drug - but she needed to get off it and did. She realizes she doesn't wanna go down that crazy path again, but she found second-best: alcohol. Subbing one drug for another - or an entirely different addiction (crossing over to gambling happens I hear) - is pretty common. If she is like my xah, she will never touch coke again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by coffeedrinker 
My viewpoint is that she used the trickery called substitution.
Cocaine may be her first, or "best" drug - but she needed to get off it and did. She realizes she doesn't wanna go down that crazy path again, but she found second-best: alcohol. Subbing one drug for another - or an entirely different addiction (crossing over to gambling happens I hear) - is pretty common. If she is like my xah, she will never touch coke again.
Cocaine may be her first, or "best" drug - but she needed to get off it and did. She realizes she doesn't wanna go down that crazy path again, but she found second-best: alcohol. Subbing one drug for another - or an entirely different addiction (crossing over to gambling happens I hear) - is pretty common. If she is like my xah, she will never touch coke again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Loganville, GA
Posts: 1
Solution
Dear Duped,
I think it is important to start thinking about a solution rather than re-defining the problem, repeatedly. Unfortunately, you will have to accept that you cannot take anything she says as being honest. She will have to get to a place where the pain is so bad that she is desperate enough to do whatever it takes to get better. Meanwhile, you can decide to stay and love without much, if any expectations in return. On the other hand, detach. If you detach I suggest you do it in a way that will be of maximum help to you. That way you can heal and grow. And if she ever gets better, you can be ready. Or not, if you decide to move on in a different direction. Either way, may God bless both of you.
I think it is important to start thinking about a solution rather than re-defining the problem, repeatedly. Unfortunately, you will have to accept that you cannot take anything she says as being honest. She will have to get to a place where the pain is so bad that she is desperate enough to do whatever it takes to get better. Meanwhile, you can decide to stay and love without much, if any expectations in return. On the other hand, detach. If you detach I suggest you do it in a way that will be of maximum help to you. That way you can heal and grow. And if she ever gets better, you can be ready. Or not, if you decide to move on in a different direction. Either way, may God bless both of you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Duped,
If you go into a CA meeting but tell them you still drink, no one there would consider you sober, regardless of amounts. Ditto for AA and cocaine use.
So you need to get her rear into treatment and/or AA. Have you discussed this with her?
If you go into a CA meeting but tell them you still drink, no one there would consider you sober, regardless of amounts. Ditto for AA and cocaine use.
So you need to get her rear into treatment and/or AA. Have you discussed this with her?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 56
Dgillz, (and others who know more),
"If you go into a CA meeting but tell them you still drink, no one there would consider you sober, regardless of amounts. Ditto for AA and cocaine use."
But if you go to AA and still smoke, you're considered sober? Why the difference? Is it not another addictive substance? Or do I not understand this correctly?
The reason I ask is that after my AH has been in "R", his smoking has gone off the scales. That is currently a big issue for me as I have clearly said I don't want to be married to a smoker. To me, there's substitution / hanging onto an addiction of some sort, going on here. But I'm not sure that view is reasonable/supported by the experts in this area.
Thanks!
"If you go into a CA meeting but tell them you still drink, no one there would consider you sober, regardless of amounts. Ditto for AA and cocaine use."
But if you go to AA and still smoke, you're considered sober? Why the difference? Is it not another addictive substance? Or do I not understand this correctly?
The reason I ask is that after my AH has been in "R", his smoking has gone off the scales. That is currently a big issue for me as I have clearly said I don't want to be married to a smoker. To me, there's substitution / hanging onto an addiction of some sort, going on here. But I'm not sure that view is reasonable/supported by the experts in this area.
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
qwe,
when you say "smoke" do you mean cigarettes? most people, even anti-smoking ones, probably would not begrudge a recovering addict their cigs. personally, i've never seen a person have a complete personality change while they were 'mood-altering' with cigarettes.
uh, oh:
when you say "smoke" do you mean cigarettes? most people, even anti-smoking ones, probably would not begrudge a recovering addict their cigs. personally, i've never seen a person have a complete personality change while they were 'mood-altering' with cigarettes.
uh, oh:
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
