my ex addidcted boyfriend relapse
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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my ex addidcted boyfriend relapse
so- I had cut all ties with my ex besides emailing. And then I sent him the email that I'm not emailing anymore and in his reply I got that he was going back to rehab for 2 months. That was like peeing before you leave the house to go on a long road trip and you know you won't be able to pee in a while so you have to go pee. Now that he was going away and I couldn't just talk to him like I could if I wanted to I felt kinda scared and all of a sudden had to go see him.
It was, of course, great. He's sober again and I had a lot of fun with him. I felt better after the few hours of hanging out with him than I had in the month of trying to stay away. It's probably going to cost me, all that progress I made during the month has to start all over again.
It makes me sad, because we do have a great time together and enjoy each other so much. And it sucks because the type of issue he has, when weighted, is not one that can be overlooked when you love someone or are together. I mean- everyone has issues and there are ones we overlook because we love someone but his would be dangerous to overlook. It sucks, I left myself again to the hope that we could be together one day. But I'm only 22 and haven't nearly began to meet different guys and see the guys who can love me just as much without all the baggage. And that hope... and all those fake promises he made and said. He can make everything sound so good and ok, like it's all going to work out. Just because I'd really like it to doesn't mean that it will. He's such a smooth talker and I'm sure he knows how to play me.
I don't know why I had to go see him, I had a love relapse! Just like he recently had his drug relapse I had a relapse over him. I feel better though after seeing him and getting things off my chest and saying all that I said.
Do people find the need to go in and out of rehab when they feel the heat is on? Like saying I'm going back to rehab is a cover when his relapse came out?
It's hard.. love is already hard, addiction love is 10x harder.
It was, of course, great. He's sober again and I had a lot of fun with him. I felt better after the few hours of hanging out with him than I had in the month of trying to stay away. It's probably going to cost me, all that progress I made during the month has to start all over again.
It makes me sad, because we do have a great time together and enjoy each other so much. And it sucks because the type of issue he has, when weighted, is not one that can be overlooked when you love someone or are together. I mean- everyone has issues and there are ones we overlook because we love someone but his would be dangerous to overlook. It sucks, I left myself again to the hope that we could be together one day. But I'm only 22 and haven't nearly began to meet different guys and see the guys who can love me just as much without all the baggage. And that hope... and all those fake promises he made and said. He can make everything sound so good and ok, like it's all going to work out. Just because I'd really like it to doesn't mean that it will. He's such a smooth talker and I'm sure he knows how to play me.
I don't know why I had to go see him, I had a love relapse! Just like he recently had his drug relapse I had a relapse over him. I feel better though after seeing him and getting things off my chest and saying all that I said.
Do people find the need to go in and out of rehab when they feel the heat is on? Like saying I'm going back to rehab is a cover when his relapse came out?
It's hard.. love is already hard, addiction love is 10x harder.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Soleus 
And then I sent him the email that I'm not emailing anymore and in his reply I got that he was going back to rehab for 2 months.
I was 41 years old when I finally hit my codependent bottom, and sincerely started the recovery process.
That was after many unhealthy relationships, and a whole lot of self-inflicted pain through my choices.
At 22 years of age, I already had a 3 year old, was divorced from my first husband, and husband #2 (convicted felon/addict/alcoholic) was just around the corner from coming into my life.
You have an opportunity to really dig into your recovery at a young age and come to see that you are worthy of so much more in your life.
The journey is worth it, that I can promise.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Soleus, all choices are yours to make here, I'm not trying to tell you what to do.
But...building hope in a relationship because someone says they are going back to rehab? He may or may not go...that's just the way it works with addicts, action doesn't always follow the words. And if he does go back there are no guarantees, there is no "cure", just tools to try to help him avoid relapsing again.
Those words of yours caught my eye. Why not give yourself time and space and date others, or better yet, take time to figure out why you allowed yourself to get involved in a sick relationship. You are young, you have time, live your life in a healthy way and that will help you choose better. Sick attracts sick and healthy attracts healthy.
Hugs
But...building hope in a relationship because someone says they are going back to rehab? He may or may not go...that's just the way it works with addicts, action doesn't always follow the words. And if he does go back there are no guarantees, there is no "cure", just tools to try to help him avoid relapsing again.
But I'm only 22 and haven't nearly began to meet different guys and see the guys who can love me just as much without all the baggage.
Hugs
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Soleus,
In my opinion, you hit the nail on the head when you spoke of him being sort of like your drug, like you needed a fix, he was it, and you felt so great getting it, didn't you?
You are tender and have so much promise. I don't know if what I said cemented what you were already feeling, or if it scared you a little.
Now that it's been a day or two, how are you doing?
In my opinion, you hit the nail on the head when you spoke of him being sort of like your drug, like you needed a fix, he was it, and you felt so great getting it, didn't you?
You are tender and have so much promise. I don't know if what I said cemented what you were already feeling, or if it scared you a little.
Now that it's been a day or two, how are you doing?
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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(sorry so long)
Thanks for asking, or maybe it was rhetorical lol but- I'm actually kind of ok. He went into rehab today and that actually makes it a little easier for me. I know he's contained and I know he can't contact me if he wanted to. I mean, he could call me but I told him not to and he could write me letters but I told him not to waste his time because they'd go straight in the trash. This would be harder if I saw him and he wasn't in rehab, because then he'd try calling me and keeping in touch with me.
It felt nice seeing him, it was a typical night in what would be a 'normal' couples life but I know he has some problems. Basically I told him everything that was on my heart, how upset, irritated, frustrated and angry I was. I just talked and talked, which felt good because I'd been keeping it all in, not talking to anyone about it. He probably wasnt the best person I could go to but he did sit there and listen to everything I said even if he didn't actually HEAR it.
It also helped me realize that we could never be, talking to him made me see that he believes his own lies and he's not in touch with reality. Its sad because he made so many promises and sounded so convinced and I smiled but inside I knew it'd never be.
The downside is that action doesnt go along with what I'm saying. That night made him think that I want to be with him, but I don't. I told him that we are done, it's over, there is no future for us but he really doesnt get it. He thinks that in a few months he'll be ok enough and I'll be able to be with him again. WRONG! but previous actions have confused him, but he'll soon realize I'm not changing my mind when I don't respond to him. It'll really help if he's gone for a month, or even better 2, so that I can get strong enough to resist him.
He sort of was like a drug for me, and he told me that he had to relapse for him to realize and learn what he has to do in his recovery. I sort of relate because seeing him that one last time.. well, it wasn't bad. Just that once to get everything out of my system and off my chest.
Rehab seems like a cop out, like he's just running there to get the pressure off and make everyone think he's doing the right thing. I don't really by it.
He said you can get drugs in rehab if you want them, it's not drug free like people think. Is that true?
Thanks for asking, or maybe it was rhetorical lol but- I'm actually kind of ok. He went into rehab today and that actually makes it a little easier for me. I know he's contained and I know he can't contact me if he wanted to. I mean, he could call me but I told him not to and he could write me letters but I told him not to waste his time because they'd go straight in the trash. This would be harder if I saw him and he wasn't in rehab, because then he'd try calling me and keeping in touch with me.
It felt nice seeing him, it was a typical night in what would be a 'normal' couples life but I know he has some problems. Basically I told him everything that was on my heart, how upset, irritated, frustrated and angry I was. I just talked and talked, which felt good because I'd been keeping it all in, not talking to anyone about it. He probably wasnt the best person I could go to but he did sit there and listen to everything I said even if he didn't actually HEAR it.
It also helped me realize that we could never be, talking to him made me see that he believes his own lies and he's not in touch with reality. Its sad because he made so many promises and sounded so convinced and I smiled but inside I knew it'd never be.
The downside is that action doesnt go along with what I'm saying. That night made him think that I want to be with him, but I don't. I told him that we are done, it's over, there is no future for us but he really doesnt get it. He thinks that in a few months he'll be ok enough and I'll be able to be with him again. WRONG! but previous actions have confused him, but he'll soon realize I'm not changing my mind when I don't respond to him. It'll really help if he's gone for a month, or even better 2, so that I can get strong enough to resist him.
He sort of was like a drug for me, and he told me that he had to relapse for him to realize and learn what he has to do in his recovery. I sort of relate because seeing him that one last time.. well, it wasn't bad. Just that once to get everything out of my system and off my chest.
Rehab seems like a cop out, like he's just running there to get the pressure off and make everyone think he's doing the right thing. I don't really by it.
He said you can get drugs in rehab if you want them, it's not drug free like people think. Is that true?
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Originally Posted by Soleus
He said you can get drugs in rehab if you want them, it's not drug free like people think. Is that true?
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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Thanks Horizon, I was just wondering if my ex was making something up, not sure what I can trust. I'm curious as to how people can smuggle things in.
It's strange- my ex says he can resist when in rehab so I wonder why it's different when he's out. Or maybe he's lying to me, I'd never know.
It's strange- my ex says he can resist when in rehab so I wonder why it's different when he's out. Or maybe he's lying to me, I'd never know.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
I think it's more common than a lot of people think to have access to drugs while in rehab. One of the reasons they test while you're there. How hard can it be to smuggle something in when you go to visit? Sadly, everyone attending is not serious about recovery.
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