NEOMARXIST

Today I was reading something at work that said where do you see yourself in 5 years? I pondered this and nothing but optimistic and warm, positive thoughts were in my mind. I already have future plans in place to help me achieve my long-term goals. These have all been made available and have literally came about since I have been sober and in recovery. So this question filled me with optimism and hope.

What a total role-reversal compared to when I was drinking. Those questions used to fill me with total and utter fear and shame, guilt and hopelessness. I used to keep away from anyone who talked about futures as I used to only be able to think about my immediate future of the next few hourse i.e- getting wrecked and blocking life out.

Questions like that used to scare the hell out of me as I knew that I was addicted totally and absolutely to getting wrecked and it was my favourite pasttime. But how could I possibly comprehend a future without it?

But in getting wrecked then i was signing-on for a future of shame, remorse, regret and embarrassmenet. The only answer it seemed was to be in permanent state of intoxication. My favourite destination was oblivion, so that I couldn't remember my name, let alone constructively plan a future or anything like that.

It feels great to have been given this chance and hope. I had lost very nearly all hope and that's a very dangerous place to be at.

In living sober one day at a time I have hope again and my life can be what I want it to be pretty much. I am not at all forcing any of this and don't have any intention to. I am a pretty chilled out person and am trying to live life on lifes terms.

But I play my part and keep my sobriety NO1 priority. When I think about where I was, even having a job and a car is fantastic, let alone having optimism and hope again. I am so grateful for this. However I am ever aware that one drink would put an end to all of this.

I am now able to quantify what sobriety is giving me compared to what the drinking and drug binging lifestyle I was living was stripping me of. This really does help me stay sober. Maybe not anybody else but it really helps this alcoholic.

I can see and 'feel' the difference and this really helps me.

I know to stay away from drink and drugs because I'm an alcoholic and thus I do what I have to do to keep this No1 priority. Just feeling like I did today makes it all worth it.

peace and Love x

intention

Absolutely

Kerbcrawler

Great post again Neo, i think you have a lot of hope and optimism to offer younger people in the UK, With the binge drink culture we have here..Thats really getting out of control..I think you have a lot of assets First hand experience of living life on the edge,that would help many others..youth work/social work with such valuable first hand life experience..Writing..You clearly have a talent..I think many younger people goin through all this..would listen and have a lot of time for such experience and honesty...You may already be doing such work for all i know...Nice one.

NewBeginning010

Great post Neo, its amazing how most of us use to plan when, where & what our next drink was going to be more than our lives.... very scary indeed.

HumbleBee

Hey Neo - I enjoyed your post. Thanks.

Kerb's reply got me thinking back to when I was young and first started drinking. I felt invincible - like I had just found the key to freedom and confidence. I was on top of the world and could do and be whatever I wanted - all this newfound excitement was all attributed to this magical elixir [booze].

That feeling continued and even expanded - as if alcohol was the only thing that actually motivated me to tackle projects and get the creative juices flowing - I was convinced that good productivity was only possible if I drank.

Fast forward 25 years and not only did I not have the physical energy, but that masquerade of excitement and confidence turned into shame, remorse and isolation.

Alcohol played its magic alright; it brought me from shooting stars to sailing through the sewer in a glass bottom boat.

It had me where it wanted me: on the path to dead.

By the grace of God, I saw the light and was given a second chance. I don't question or wish it happened sooner. The fact that it happened at all is a miracle. I'm happy with that.

wicked

Thank you, HumbleBee for this. Yes, it is a miracle, and I just got that good feeling again.
Wow.

augustwest

Great post neo. I'm glad you're doing so well. Continue to think those good thoughts and visualize whatever wonderful life you want to have. The law of attraction is a powerful thing. We are what we think!

NEOMARXIST

Man, feeling great tonight.

Just watched a programme on TV about the solar system. It is interesting watching this now I am in recovery, as it still fills me with wonder and intrigue and really floats my mind around, but there is just a happiness and peace that I am perfectly happy to comprehend and think deeply about things such as planets and other worlds, without somehow relating it all to drink and drugs and getting wrecked.LOL.

Now that is real progress!! haha.

Peace out x

dedubya

Neo
another inspiring post- as I sit here enduring my day two for the maybe 5th time in 20+ years- for some reason I am watching BBC animal videos on youtube as I detox- I love nature. I do ok with my life other than alcohol, and this makes me wonder what could I have done with my life by now if I wasn't drinking or drugging.... thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Peace to All
Dub

55438

Neo,

I read your first paragraph and thought 'what a change'.

I read your second paragraph and thought 'he sees it too'.

The rest told me why there has been such a big change.

Love and Peace right back at ya.

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