Kassie2

My RAh and I live separately and have been NC for four months. I asked for the NC and his initial response was to counter with a D. He has not filed and backed down from that since then even tho I told him I would not fight it eventho I did want one yet.

My question is, does anyone have suggestions on how to reinitiate contact after NC. I would like us to start working on our marriage but don't know if I should wait for him to make the first move or just jump into it myself. There is no pressure to make a move either way for any other reason at this point besides just wanting to rebuild if we can. Feeling ready.

coffeedrinker

really great suggestions, anvil. if it were me, i think my motive would be that i was really missing the he_ _ out of him. and that's not good enough.

kassie, when you went nc, what was the reason? (sorry if i can't remember)
was it that he was not clean & sober? and now he is? did you need time and space to figure out if you wanted to work on your marriage? and now you feel that you have decided? what was present (not just the drug use) back then and how has that been addressed? for both of you?

i would not set up a power play over who contacts whom. if you want to make contact, initiate it. you are both going to feel vulnerable for awhile no matter what. but i would def. work on getting more clarity, and answers to some of the burning questions.

Kassie2

Husband is sober for 13 months -we separated b/c of his drinking. Soon as he got sober he wanted to reunite and it was tough at first and then got really good between us. Then we hit a snag, he relapsed and we slowed things down while he worked on his sobriety.

But it seemed that things just couldn't move forward from that point - both of us feeling vulnerable and burnt out trying. I thought a real break would help - I never intended to end the marriage, just take a break and regroup - both of us. I feel that I have learned a lot and have a better understanding. I do miss my husband's company a lot. And I am sure he feels the same but is very shy at this point. I was going to leave it up to him to let me know when he is ready to do something.

MissFixit

So, has he been sober for 13 months or 4 months?

atalose

That was going to be my question, has be been sober for 13 months or 4 months and how do you truly know it?

You mentioned that you have learned a lot what kind of a program have you been working for you?

barb dwyer

The thing is -
be clear and honest with youself first about WHY right now?
why right now?
did something happen?

The thing that got me thinking
was putting myself in your place and
the first thing i asked was -

I'm wondering if I am running a straight up program,
how does anything other than honesty work for 'how' to do anything?
Meaning -
If I'm secure in the knowledge that I'm doing all that's required
for me to be firmly in the healing process....



be clear and gut honest all the way through.

otherwise all the work is for nothing, ya know?