P3bble5Girl

Again, I come back to the forum because of my brother. I financially support him and provide him a place to live. He doesn't have license, job, or a GED.
Here is my predicament. He is in 3 day a week drug/alcohol group counseling where he is at this moment. This morning I found an empty pint of vodka in his room. He stated his girlfriend left it. I didn't believe this, but since it was the first instance I told him I would take it at face value and alcohol wasn't acceptable since we're going out of our way to try and help him. After dropping him off I start looking through his room and find 10 empty pint bottles of booze. My first reaction was to simply buy him a bus ticket back to FL and be done with him. The second reaction is to take the bottles into his group counselor's office and put it out on the table. He gets out of group in two hours and I have to make a decision. I want to help him, but only he can help himself on this. If I kick him out he doesn't have anywhere to go except back to FL to see if he can mooch a place to live with friends. Any advice is appreciated.
Thanks

suki44883

I wouldn't take the bottles to the counselor's office. I mean, yeah, he's not following your rules, but there's no reason to humiliate him in front of others. At some point, you will have to confront him about his drinking and showing him the empties would let him know that YOU KNOW what's been going on. At that point, denial on his part will be useless. Buying him a bus ticket back to Florida is a decision only you can make. If he was clear on the rules about living in your home and he chose to break those rules, you have to be willing to follow through with the consequences. It's sad, but it is what it is.

Pelican

You have shown great care and compassion to your brother. You have offered him a place to stay, food, privacy and recovery options. You have even supported him in getting a GED.

I re-read your posts. I have some questions.

You and your husband originally planned to have your brother out after Christmas. How much more time are you willing to give your brother?

Is this causing any strain on your marriage?

Has your brother met your expectations for online GED classes?

How much unacceptable behavior are you willing to accept?

P3bble5Girl

In reply to your questions -
We were planning on having him stay through Christmas, but due to the time frame on getting him into his detox program, he didn't get out of there until November, so we didn't feel a month or so was long enough to make any significant changes. He started his online GED classes last month. He has actually been pretty good with them, except he could as always put more effort into them. I was going to help him get his license, but have been putting it off due to his lack of responsibility. It's ridiculous, but he's 31 and has never driven sober, so he has to pretty much learn how to drive again. It's just so frustrating because he actually wants to get his license and GED, but won't stop drinking.
It isn't causing strain in my marriage yet, but I can sense that my husband could easily kick him out. I won't let this infringe on my marriage so something is going to have to give.
As far as his counselor goes. I wasn't going to bring the bottles into the group session it was going to be just the three of us discussing it. Larry at one point said that going to Jan, his counselor, would be worse than being sent home, which is why I think that might be a better option.
I know that I'm at my ropes end. I want to help him, but at the same time I can only do so much.. He has to want it too. The only reason why I haven't kicked him out is that he really doesn't have any place to go..I guess I could give him a sleeping bag and tent along with the bus ticket

CAPTAINZING2000

I wouldn't let the g/f back over. You're trying to help him and she's going to be a factor in him relapsing.

LaTeeDa

At the risk of sounding cold and heartless:

As long as he is drinking and you are helping him, then you are helping him to continue to drink.

If and when he is ready to stop, of his own free will, not because of you, then helping him will be really helping him.

JMO,

L

CAPTAINZING2000

ouch

I missed the part about the other empty pint bottles

Where's he getting the $$ for the booze??

geraldatwork

In my mind there are really 4 C's
You didn't CAUSE it
You can't CONTROL it
You can"t CURE it.
The 4th is you shouldn't CONTRIBUTE to it.

It appears by your actions you are enabling him if he continues to stay.

Duped

No career, no job, no education....this seems to be a common trait amongst our respective alcoholics doesn't it. Funny how that theme seems to be a constant.