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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 2
New and
Hello all:
I have been reading the various posts and would like to say that I have found some help with the things that I have read. Only three people besides myself know what I am going through so I really just want to use this time to vent and open up to others that have been through or are currently going through it.
I have been with my fiance for 5 years, we became engaged about 6months ago. When I first met him all he did was smoke cigs and drink on occasion. A year into our relationship he started doing other things when he started hanging with a certain group of friends. After tons of arguments and what not he would eventually stop for months at a time and life would be perfect. When he's not using anything he is the man that i met..a real gentleman. For about a year our relationship was going great until I realized that he had been lying and had been using prescription pills. So I B#@!@# about that and finally he called a doctor and started going to a therapist and was prescribed suboxone. Well I think that stuff only made him more of an addict. However, at the time I thought it was really helping and during that time we became engaged.
I didn't learn all of this until after the fact but he had started shooting the suboxone - the advice of one of his friends. Then from that his friend recommended heroine. Needless to say I caught him in the bathroom one day (2 months after our engagement)..told his family, we did an intervention, he was sent to rehab and detox. The day he got out the friend that he did the heroine with was found dead in a bathroom with the needle in his arm. My fiance did well the first couple of months and now 100 days later I tried to throw a mini-celebration for reaching that milestone. (I cooked his favorite food and gave him a card) and something told me that he wasn't right. That was two weeks ago. Today I found a vodka bottle when I confronted him about it he admitted to drinking again but adamantly denies taking pills or using other drugs. My instincts tell me that he isn't using heroine, but that he is taking pills along with drinking.
After getting out of rehab he was diagnosed as a depressed person and was prescribed wellbutrin and trazadone( to sleep) and the last few days I've been counting the pills and he hasn't been taking either.
Right now I am so so lost. I don't use drugs and I never even drank alcohol in any circumstance prior to this relationship. I feel like I'm on the brink of an anxiety attack. I want our relationship to last and I know that it will as long as he's a sober person, but that's not guaranteed. He absolutely is ashamed of how he allowed himself to even use heroine and I really don't think we are back at that. However, we all know that it will lead back to that.
I just needed to vent. This is terrible. I never would have thought that I would have to be going through this when I'm supposed to be on cloud nine. Sometimes I feel like God is punishing me, but I honestly don't feel like I have ever done anything so bad that I would have to go through this as a punishment. This is pure hell!
I have been reading the various posts and would like to say that I have found some help with the things that I have read. Only three people besides myself know what I am going through so I really just want to use this time to vent and open up to others that have been through or are currently going through it.
I have been with my fiance for 5 years, we became engaged about 6months ago. When I first met him all he did was smoke cigs and drink on occasion. A year into our relationship he started doing other things when he started hanging with a certain group of friends. After tons of arguments and what not he would eventually stop for months at a time and life would be perfect. When he's not using anything he is the man that i met..a real gentleman. For about a year our relationship was going great until I realized that he had been lying and had been using prescription pills. So I B#@!@# about that and finally he called a doctor and started going to a therapist and was prescribed suboxone. Well I think that stuff only made him more of an addict. However, at the time I thought it was really helping and during that time we became engaged.
I didn't learn all of this until after the fact but he had started shooting the suboxone - the advice of one of his friends. Then from that his friend recommended heroine. Needless to say I caught him in the bathroom one day (2 months after our engagement)..told his family, we did an intervention, he was sent to rehab and detox. The day he got out the friend that he did the heroine with was found dead in a bathroom with the needle in his arm. My fiance did well the first couple of months and now 100 days later I tried to throw a mini-celebration for reaching that milestone. (I cooked his favorite food and gave him a card) and something told me that he wasn't right. That was two weeks ago. Today I found a vodka bottle when I confronted him about it he admitted to drinking again but adamantly denies taking pills or using other drugs. My instincts tell me that he isn't using heroine, but that he is taking pills along with drinking.
After getting out of rehab he was diagnosed as a depressed person and was prescribed wellbutrin and trazadone( to sleep) and the last few days I've been counting the pills and he hasn't been taking either.
Right now I am so so lost. I don't use drugs and I never even drank alcohol in any circumstance prior to this relationship. I feel like I'm on the brink of an anxiety attack. I want our relationship to last and I know that it will as long as he's a sober person, but that's not guaranteed. He absolutely is ashamed of how he allowed himself to even use heroine and I really don't think we are back at that. However, we all know that it will lead back to that.
I just needed to vent. This is terrible. I never would have thought that I would have to be going through this when I'm supposed to be on cloud nine. Sometimes I feel like God is punishing me, but I honestly don't feel like I have ever done anything so bad that I would have to go through this as a punishment. This is pure hell!
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi, welcome to sr. sorry you are going through all of this but i'm so glad you found us. lots of experience here. its good you found out all of this before you were married, now you at least know, you have a choice about whether or not you want to live a life of addiction.
you are right to think its pure he//, and unless your fiance gets serious about recovery, his addiction will get progressively worse and will drag you down with him if you allow it.
maybe its time for you to think seriously about whether or not this is the life you want for yourself.
rehab is not a cure all as you can see. recovery is a life long process that takes totally committment. relapse will probably always be a possibility, it can happen at any time without warning and last for any length of time. not really trying to scare you, but i married into addiction 24yrs ago, it took me 21yrs to figure out that i needed to separate myself before i was literally crazy. my ah passed away in feb, without ever really getting serious about his addiction which kept him from being serious about his health.
addiction effects all involved. maybe you could try alanon or naranon f2f support for yourself, keep reading and posting here. imo, it might be a good idea if somehow you could put marriage off for a while, maybe watch his actions and not put too much into what he says. i just don't want to see no one else make the same mistakes that i did. i really do pray this is not the case with you and yours.
addicts lie to protect their addictions. try to keep the focus on you and how you can make your life better, with him or without. you both are in my prayers.
you are right to think its pure he//, and unless your fiance gets serious about recovery, his addiction will get progressively worse and will drag you down with him if you allow it.
maybe its time for you to think seriously about whether or not this is the life you want for yourself.
rehab is not a cure all as you can see. recovery is a life long process that takes totally committment. relapse will probably always be a possibility, it can happen at any time without warning and last for any length of time. not really trying to scare you, but i married into addiction 24yrs ago, it took me 21yrs to figure out that i needed to separate myself before i was literally crazy. my ah passed away in feb, without ever really getting serious about his addiction which kept him from being serious about his health.
addiction effects all involved. maybe you could try alanon or naranon f2f support for yourself, keep reading and posting here. imo, it might be a good idea if somehow you could put marriage off for a while, maybe watch his actions and not put too much into what he says. i just don't want to see no one else make the same mistakes that i did. i really do pray this is not the case with you and yours.
addicts lie to protect their addictions. try to keep the focus on you and how you can make your life better, with him or without. you both are in my prayers.
Striving to be a better Man!
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 266
Welcome to SR Marie. I very glad you found it! I am sorry you going through this....
That's great you are venting!
There is also a friends and family meeting in the chat room on Saturdays at 9:00 pm Eastern Time. I know they would love to have you!
That's great you are venting!
There is also a friends and family meeting in the chat room on Saturdays at 9:00 pm Eastern Time. I know they would love to have you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Marshall, TX
Posts: 84
Please, please listen to teke and consider postponing your marriage. She is right that addiction is a lifelong process. If this is putting you through all these emotions right now, just think how you would feel if you have children with him and a relapse comes along. You will have to protect not only yourself from the addiction, but those precious souls that you're responsible for.
I'm not saying "don't marry him", just think it through and give yourself plenty of time to do so.
I am the mother of a 32-year-old addict and I now have custody of her 5-year-old daughter. The hardest part of dealing with my daughter's addiction is watching the pain and suffering it causes this adorable little girl. And I see it first-hand every day.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care of yourself first.
I'm not saying "don't marry him", just think it through and give yourself plenty of time to do so.
I am the mother of a 32-year-old addict and I now have custody of her 5-year-old daughter. The hardest part of dealing with my daughter's addiction is watching the pain and suffering it causes this adorable little girl. And I see it first-hand every day.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care of yourself first.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Welcome. I'm glad you found us. I hope you will read all the stickies on this website including the one called "what addicts do" because it sounds like your fiance is pretty hooked. And nothing you can do will stop him from using. Including marrying him. I'm pretty convinced, from everything that I read here and my personal experience, that if you get married, things will get a lot worse before they get any better.
Your love cant fix him. If it could, he wouldn't still be using. He's just doing what addicts. You're in for one helluva nasty ride if you get married now.
I'm sorry. but again, glad you found us.
Your love cant fix him. If it could, he wouldn't still be using. He's just doing what addicts. You're in for one helluva nasty ride if you get married now.
I'm sorry. but again, glad you found us.
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Your higher power isn't punishing you...it led you here.
Welcome to SR. We understand what you are going through...all of us! You took a step by venting and reaching out to people who will guide you through.
It's tough now, but if you just keep working on yourself and let Him iron out all of His own problems...things can be better for you.
Read everything you can on here.
You came to the right place.
Welcome to SR. We understand what you are going through...all of us! You took a step by venting and reaching out to people who will guide you through.
It's tough now, but if you just keep working on yourself and let Him iron out all of His own problems...things can be better for you.
Read everything you can on here.
You came to the right place.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 63
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
You will learn many lessons from this experience, it hurts and is very painful and you can't see it now but in the future when you look back you'll realize how much you learned about yourself. And how much stronger you'll be. I felt the same way, I wanted my relationship to work and my ex was a really great person when he was sober but- it's too much to put yourself through and too much of a risk. No one cane save him but himself and you're just going to keep getting hurt. Take some time for yourself to put your life together.
You will learn many lessons from this experience, it hurts and is very painful and you can't see it now but in the future when you look back you'll realize how much you learned about yourself. And how much stronger you'll be. I felt the same way, I wanted my relationship to work and my ex was a really great person when he was sober but- it's too much to put yourself through and too much of a risk. No one cane save him but himself and you're just going to keep getting hurt. Take some time for yourself to put your life together.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
Marie80 Welcome!
My EXH relapsed... about 9 months AFTER we were married... I found SR... this site was a Godsend... and it really pissed me off to learn what I had to learn... didn't want to know it... but I continued to lurk and read other stories and experiences... I came around to understand that the folks here really know what they are talking about.... in reading their stories... I saw myself.
I recently divorced and cameout relatively unscathed... financially... emotionally I still have a few hang-ups... but working through them....
You WILL find support, love, knowledge and everything else here... keep coming back... great site...great people.
My EXH relapsed... about 9 months AFTER we were married... I found SR... this site was a Godsend... and it really pissed me off to learn what I had to learn... didn't want to know it... but I continued to lurk and read other stories and experiences... I came around to understand that the folks here really know what they are talking about.... in reading their stories... I saw myself.
I recently divorced and cameout relatively unscathed... financially... emotionally I still have a few hang-ups... but working through them....
You WILL find support, love, knowledge and everything else here... keep coming back... great site...great people.
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