what to do? ex husband addicted
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 2
what to do? ex husband addicted
I'm in a pickle and i hope that someone here has some advice...that's what i'm seeking...
My ex is addicted to meth. I am business partners with his uncle/aunt and he works with us as a "third"...but has no legal claim to the company.
Back in Oct. we confronted him with his behavior and he admitted that he had a problem, allowed us to take him to rehab but upon assessment, he talked himself out...was told to seek counselling...of course he hasn't. My ex's family (my business partners) have all but stuck their heads in the sand in regards to him...should i intervene? Last i asked him about his behavior, he blew up at me! We have a 10yo daughter and I worry about the effects on her...I make excuses for her not to go to his house, her grades have suffered, she occasionally wets the bed and is very angry with ME...I think she knows SOMETHING, senses something...
I worry about my business, my child, myself...
he's paranoid, moody and has bouts of anger...
again, do i intervene when his own family doesn't want to deal?
do i continue to shield my daughter or confront him with what i know/suspect...the stress of all this is weighing so heavy that have just been diagnosed as "severely depressed" and now on meds...it's so unfair!
My ex is addicted to meth. I am business partners with his uncle/aunt and he works with us as a "third"...but has no legal claim to the company.
Back in Oct. we confronted him with his behavior and he admitted that he had a problem, allowed us to take him to rehab but upon assessment, he talked himself out...was told to seek counselling...of course he hasn't. My ex's family (my business partners) have all but stuck their heads in the sand in regards to him...should i intervene? Last i asked him about his behavior, he blew up at me! We have a 10yo daughter and I worry about the effects on her...I make excuses for her not to go to his house, her grades have suffered, she occasionally wets the bed and is very angry with ME...I think she knows SOMETHING, senses something...
I worry about my business, my child, myself...
he's paranoid, moody and has bouts of anger...
again, do i intervene when his own family doesn't want to deal?
do i continue to shield my daughter or confront him with what i know/suspect...the stress of all this is weighing so heavy that have just been diagnosed as "severely depressed" and now on meds...it's so unfair!
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi kels, welcome to sr. you have come to a good place for support. lots of exerience, striength and hope here.
boy you do sound like you are in a pickle, especially since his family are your business partners. i do think you should keep your daughter protected and that you have to do whatever it is you have to do to protect your interest in the business.
maybe you could talk to your business partners to see what you all can do together to protect the business, if not, then maybe you have some decisions to make concerning your partnership. i'm not an expert, just a recovering addict who was married 23*yrs to an active addict.
don't know what kind of intervention you are thinking of but usually no matter what you try to do will not work if the addict is not committed to working it. he'll have to want to help himself and no amount of confronting him will make him ready until he's ready on his own and for himself.
my family totally disconnected from me, causing me to hit my bottom with my addiction. then and only then was i able to see for myself how destructive my life had become. that bottom caused me to want to recover and that bottom is what helps me to stay clean for 8yrs now. today i'm grateful to my family for the decisions they made.
maybe instead of making excuse to your daughter, maybe in a child like way, you could kind of explan some of what is going on being the reason why she is not allowed to go to his house. like you said, she knows something is not right. maybe she's acting out because of this too. jmo.
maybe it would help if somehow you could find counseling for the both of you. we recommend alanon of naranon f2f support groups for yourself, posting and reading here.
educate yourself about addiction and codependancy. you and your family are in my prayers.
boy you do sound like you are in a pickle, especially since his family are your business partners. i do think you should keep your daughter protected and that you have to do whatever it is you have to do to protect your interest in the business.
maybe you could talk to your business partners to see what you all can do together to protect the business, if not, then maybe you have some decisions to make concerning your partnership. i'm not an expert, just a recovering addict who was married 23*yrs to an active addict.
don't know what kind of intervention you are thinking of but usually no matter what you try to do will not work if the addict is not committed to working it. he'll have to want to help himself and no amount of confronting him will make him ready until he's ready on his own and for himself.
my family totally disconnected from me, causing me to hit my bottom with my addiction. then and only then was i able to see for myself how destructive my life had become. that bottom caused me to want to recover and that bottom is what helps me to stay clean for 8yrs now. today i'm grateful to my family for the decisions they made.
maybe instead of making excuse to your daughter, maybe in a child like way, you could kind of explan some of what is going on being the reason why she is not allowed to go to his house. like you said, she knows something is not right. maybe she's acting out because of this too. jmo.
maybe it would help if somehow you could find counseling for the both of you. we recommend alanon of naranon f2f support groups for yourself, posting and reading here.
educate yourself about addiction and codependancy. you and your family are in my prayers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 2
thanks Teke! I applaud you and your recovery...i'm sure it wasn't/isn't easy. I think it's sad that my ex has alienated his family and that the only person who wants to help is ME, his ex...
I have started, with my daughter, weekly therapy sessions and yes, this site has been quite helpful. I think, however, that after reading...it's almost hopeless! From what I read, I need to focus on myself and my daughter and stop worrying about him? Luckily, the business is in my name and he can only hurt it in name and not financially...he is a ticking time bomb though and I resent knowing that i will be the one picking up the pieces....for my business, my daughter...
He is living with a fellow addict/girlfriend whom i suspect was the instigator...little chance of a "lightbulb moment" and realizing that his life has to change...such a shame.
I have started, with my daughter, weekly therapy sessions and yes, this site has been quite helpful. I think, however, that after reading...it's almost hopeless! From what I read, I need to focus on myself and my daughter and stop worrying about him? Luckily, the business is in my name and he can only hurt it in name and not financially...he is a ticking time bomb though and I resent knowing that i will be the one picking up the pieces....for my business, my daughter...
He is living with a fellow addict/girlfriend whom i suspect was the instigator...little chance of a "lightbulb moment" and realizing that his life has to change...such a shame.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I am glad to hear you have started therapy sessions for you and your daughter. This is so very important to help both of you cope.
I am a recovering meth addict, and I was married to a meth addict also. He is now dead. He passed away from complications due to AIDS a few years back. He went through rehab shortly before me, and made the decision to go back to active addiction.
My two cents? Intervention isn't going to do a bit of good.
My oldest daughter, now 32, was exposed to two insane meth addicts (me and her stepfather) for 5 years, and I can't adequately put into words the damage that was done to her in those years.
She is now an active addict/alcoholic. She knows what recovery is because she was 8 years old when I first got clean/sober, but she has no desire for a better way of life.
It's sad. She hasn't worked since she was 18 years old. She lost a marriage, lost custody of her children, and is morbidly obese. She suffers from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease from heavy pot and cigarette smoking. She'll be lucky to see 40.
God only gives us one chance to raise a child, and I commend you for reaching out for help.
Please keep posting and know you are among people who care! :ghug3
I am a recovering meth addict, and I was married to a meth addict also. He is now dead. He passed away from complications due to AIDS a few years back. He went through rehab shortly before me, and made the decision to go back to active addiction.
My two cents? Intervention isn't going to do a bit of good.
My oldest daughter, now 32, was exposed to two insane meth addicts (me and her stepfather) for 5 years, and I can't adequately put into words the damage that was done to her in those years.
She is now an active addict/alcoholic. She knows what recovery is because she was 8 years old when I first got clean/sober, but she has no desire for a better way of life.
It's sad. She hasn't worked since she was 18 years old. She lost a marriage, lost custody of her children, and is morbidly obese. She suffers from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease from heavy pot and cigarette smoking. She'll be lucky to see 40.
God only gives us one chance to raise a child, and I commend you for reaching out for help.
Please keep posting and know you are among people who care! :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 136
METH is a very powerful drug and takes over their life and their mind to where nothing else matters. I would just suggest you read everything here on SR you can and find out everything you can on METH.
My ex abf is a meth addict. All I can say is once it takes hold it does not let go until the addict chooses to let go. You can't do ANYTHING about it but focus on yourself and your child. You truly just have to let go and let them fall.
I know it is hard but try and not let it affect your life and drag you down with it, because a METH addict tends to take prisoners if you let them. Their addiction affects EVERYTHING around it and that it comes into contact with.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I have been there and I know it is awful! Take care of you and you will be just fine.
My ex abf is a meth addict. All I can say is once it takes hold it does not let go until the addict chooses to let go. You can't do ANYTHING about it but focus on yourself and your child. You truly just have to let go and let them fall.
I know it is hard but try and not let it affect your life and drag you down with it, because a METH addict tends to take prisoners if you let them. Their addiction affects EVERYTHING around it and that it comes into contact with.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I have been there and I know it is awful! Take care of you and you will be just fine.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 76
I just wanted to say that I am very sorry to hear about what you and your family are going through. You definitely need to keep protecting your daughter from him as well as your business. My exabf's family had a family business. He had left it and got a union job but ran back because he knew he could get away with more crap and get money from his mother by doing so (I called him out on it...at the time he denied it but later admitted that was the ONLY reason he went back to their company). During the time he went back, he never worked and used his mother for thousands of dollars of cash. When she finally cut him off, he ended up stealing business checks, using them at local jewelers and is now in jail. He used about $11,000.00 in forged checks at these businesses that were in the vicinity of his family's business and now I am sure they have a bad reputation because of his actions/addiction. The reason that I am telling you this is because addiction effects all facets of the addicts life from those they care about/care about them to places they work etc. Addiction knows no boundaries so I definitely think it is in your best interest to look out for yourself when it comes to your business. The weekly therapy sessions are also definitely a great idea for both you and your daughter. You ex seems like he does not want to choose recovery and because of that you need as others have said "to let him fall". The only person you can take control of is you and you and your child have to be the priority. I am sorry that I do not have more words of advice to offer you but you and your family are definitely in my prayers. Take care 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: KC MO
Posts: 9
Everything "want2Bfree325" said is true. I and my son was kicked out of our business from the other owners because of his addiction. I was out on the street at 62 years old and had to fight to get my money from them and sell vehicles that I had bought for the business. I ended up broke trying to support and protect my sons home and reputation. The daughter he had custody of now will not have anything to do with him. She went through some hard mental and emotional times and still is. Take care of the daughter and watch your back with the business. He could steal everything you have. Your partners need to be educated on meth addiciton, it's as bad as crack-cocaine. No matter how much he sweet talks you don't believe them and fall for it. I wish you and your daughter good luck. You sound much smarter than I was.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Welcome to SR. You've found a good place for support as well as knowledge about addiction. Read the sticky posts at the top of the forum... read "what addicts do" and "Let me fall by myself" to start... very powerful reading.
Watch your finances with the business. Addicts will steal checks.. often from the back of the checkbook so you don't notice. They will steal money from your purse when you're not looking.... credit cards etc. Jewelry, electronics, anything to pawn for drugs. Things you never thought the person you knew would do.. the addict WILL do.
My ex is a meth-addict.. hasn't seen our 3 kids in a year and half. Has been living with his addict GF (who has 2 manufacturing charges against her)... they are expecting a baby any day now. A good friend on here told me... he's just found another family to be irresponsible to. Just wanted to share this so you know you're not alone. Glad you and your daughter are getting therepy.
Keep reading and posting. It will help you so much.
Watch your finances with the business. Addicts will steal checks.. often from the back of the checkbook so you don't notice. They will steal money from your purse when you're not looking.... credit cards etc. Jewelry, electronics, anything to pawn for drugs. Things you never thought the person you knew would do.. the addict WILL do.
My ex is a meth-addict.. hasn't seen our 3 kids in a year and half. Has been living with his addict GF (who has 2 manufacturing charges against her)... they are expecting a baby any day now. A good friend on here told me... he's just found another family to be irresponsible to. Just wanted to share this so you know you're not alone. Glad you and your daughter are getting therepy.
Keep reading and posting. It will help you so much.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
