Daisy30

Okay I haven't posted in a while, but I am feeling very hurt right now.

A person from my al-anon group (who I knew before alanon, as a former coworker) Has taken to following my AH DUI case. This person, showed up at his trial, etc. I knew nothing about it. I feel really violated. This person also is talking to people (from our previous job) about seeing me on Saturday....the day of my meeting. And now there are tons of rumor swirling....I know what other people think of me isn't my business, but I feel really hurt here. I have no idea who she told what.....I am writing this through tears........


ET: I feel like my safe place was just taken from me.

CAPTAINZING2000

Any chance she was there at court room for another matter??

GiveLove

Daisy, I'm so sorry. Try to take a deep, deep, deep breath. (counting it helps me: breathe in for four counts, hold it for two, then let it out for seven counts)

What's her motive in this, do you think? It helps sometimes to start there. Why is she taking the time to do this? What's in it for HER ?

Daisy30

I wish it were so but no. Even if she was, she is reporting back to other people about what when on there. I was not at AH's court date, I didn't even know about it. I think her intentions were probably good, like trying to protect me, but possibly being nosey?

suki44883

Unbelievable. Some people need to get a life. sheesh.

Daisy30

GL, I am thinking maybe somehow to protect me? like being a mama bear? But possible not minding her own business.

CAPTAINZING2000

Showing up at court, unless she knew your husband was going to be there.
It's hard to get family or close friends to go to court with you.
How would she have known???

I'd make sure not to be telling her anything you didn't want other people to know for sure!!.

Sadly, many people live vicariously through other people's lives

Daisy30

CaptainZ ~ court dates are public knowledge, you do have to make an effort to look them up. I don't make that effort.

Anvil~ thank you. I was really feeling like I needed to address this with her, BUT the next time I will see her is at my meeting. I do have her phone number, but I dunno?? Thank you for reminding me to get the facts before I speak.

The sad part of it is I don't want to see her. I feel like missing/changing my metings because of this
I know I shouldn't let one bad apple spoil the pot (or something like that).....

coffeedrinker

i also think you need to have a candid and gentle conversation with this woman.

could it be that she has formed a close friendship with ah? that would certainly explain it.

if you go to her with the "al-anon is my safe place and i need to trust that everything that is said inside that room does not leave that room" that may make her aware that she did something wrong.

i'm sorry you're hurting.

Daisy30

Coffee~ She, AH and I all worked together at one time. She does know him. She does not have a friendship with him though.

CAPTAINZING2000

What I was getting at, how would she have known your husband had to be in court? I'm trying to grasp going to the circuit clerk's office and saying to them, what do you have on the docket today??

I've had to go do this before for my own court dates etc.

FindingPeace1

One thing to remember is the tornado in our head is not reality. It's worry and supposition and other codie non-helpful craziness.

So, while honoring your feelings of fear and worry and violation, recognize they are feelings.
I have heard it said: Imagine a white board. Draw a circle. That is what happens in life. Draw another circle next to it. That is what we say about it or make it mean. Our problem is we put circle 2 on top of circle one and get upset. Our job is to pull those circles apart and honor them both, then relate to circle one (aka just the facts, ma'am).
So, don't let your circle 2 pull you away from your meeting and just address it with her (in the meeting or out of it - whatever feels good) to ask what is up.
Hugs to you.

CAPTAINZING2000

If that's the case, could it have been she was in court for some other reason then, your husband being there??

Daisy30

CaptainZ~ I really doubt it. she knew he was having a court date this month. All she had to do was go on line and look it up.
It also came back to me at one of our divorce hearings she called me the morning of. Which I thought was weird. Maybe it was coincidence?

Thanks WOAD, I know I need to keep my focus, in the midst of it sometimes I forget that.

I guess I feel like that onion that the peal was taking off of too soon. I really didn't want all of my former co-workers knowing I was going to al-anon. It is really none of their business. ugh

CAPTAINZING2000

Why I was asking, you said you didn't know he had a court date coming up. So, I ruled this out from it being mentioned at a meeting you were both in.

In IL. you have to pay to go on line to find these things out. I had a site saved that would bring up people's previous records from my cousin. He's an insurance agent . They use it to check on their clients. Either that, or he's nosey hmmmm

Daisy30

I know, I can go there so easily....denial....avoidance.....

thanks for your post you made me smile

Daisy30

She knew I was going to testify sometime in March.

I think it is county by county as far as the records go

CAPTAINZING2000

You mentioned rumors swirling around, were they they lies about you and your husband or, is she fanning flames of his DUI etc.??

Duped

That's an excellent post Wife. I often find the codie in me actually worrying about future events that may or may not happen with regards to the ex and the troubles she may decide to get into or cause.

Trying2BeMe

This crosses the line benefit of the doubt or not. SHe should have kept it to herself and not disclosed your personal matters with anyone. In WI it is open unlike IL, you to WCCA.gov and type last name and first name of anyone and its an open book. She should know that life works when you work on you first not who you can help if her intentions were there. I would non confrontationally bring it up in the group on Sat as a matter of fact that no one should even if it "feels" right be intruding on others lives without an invitation. This is very sticky. You do not need this.