lulu1974

I moved my attorney appointment to today. I have all my paperwork in hand and I have no doubt I am filing the divorce papers. I feel like today is my new beginning. I am filing for divorce and happy about it. I dont have to live wondering what he will do anymore. Today I get to start over and I dont feel the tears and I dont need anyone to go to the lawyers office with me..I feel comfortable with my decision. Although I am Catholic so that part makes me feel bad but I am working this out with a priest as well.
This really is a liberating feeling. I can make decisions again because no one is here to make me feel guilty all the time. Wish me luck..

bookwyrm

good luck!

Wishing you the strength and serenity - though you sound like you have them in spades right now!

Hammerhead

I'm recently divorced and I went alone too and that is the way it should be... it's your life... your decision... your happiness... your sanity.

We are here for you... what ever you do.

wanting

I read your story and I'm really glad to hear you are moving forward with your plans. It sounds like you've been through hell. I hope that you'll get some support through therapy and/or al-anon to help you to focus on what you can do for YOU.

lulu1974

Thanks so much. I go to Alanon regularly..I have a sponsor, a priest and a therapist and great friends. I have to say without all that I would be a mess but I am taking care of me.

lulu1974

I filed the paperwork. I will be divorced in 3-6 months depending on how diffcult he makes it. I no longer need to be afraid. I feel myself coming back to serenity more and more everyday. I dont miss him or that lifestyle. More importantly..I dont miss the lies and guilt.

alanonicnov2008

Lulu I just read your story in a previous posting...congrats on your decision. As you know and have experienced, an alcoholic is difficult to get into recovery. An alcoholic surrounded by enablers -- impossible.

My boyfriend would call his sister every time we had a fight and complain about how horrible I was (of course she does not know he is an alcoholic). By the time our relationship ended his entire family blamed me and *I* felt like a failure.

It's hard to underestimate how much the wronged *and* blamed scenario can affect your resolve and self esteem. It took getting out of the relationship for me to appreciate what it's like to have peace each and every day of my life and to not be blamed for the chaos I did not create.

Welcome to serenity!

cinderellawkids

lulu, be prepared that even though you arent in the same house and havent been for sometime, he may act shocked. May act downright mean, or may come back on hands and knees promising you the world. Most of the time, the suddenly great person that shows up when served with divorce papers is temporary. Addicts dont like severing completely their strings of what they think may help them one day.

Be prepared for anything, stand your ground and remember the whole picture

lulu1974

Thank you cinderella. Last time we spoke on a phone a few weeks ago..he said he was done with me and blocked ME from calling and emailing him. He said he wanted a divorce. After months of trying to reconcile he says this. I am hoping since he has been on match.com for over a month he has already replaced me. But I will keep my eyes open and truthfully I have been spending a few nights a week at my best friends house for now. I intend to come here for support. I hope it doesnt get any harder...I had enough..

lulu1974

Thank you..I have realized there is no reasoning with alcoholism..I know this first hand from experiencing it..even when i was around him..I wasnt reasonable..
His actions do not affect my self worth. I have decided to cut myself some slack and run from this..protect myself and my assests and most of all recover. I dont even want to know what his future holds. After all, he only lied when his lips moved. That was my life...a lie. But now serenity is here and it feels amazing. I have missed myself..

wanting

I agree that some men like your STBX like to keep an eensy little toe in the door just in case. You might want to think about what you can do to prepare yourself for the possibility that he might not be done yet. What will you say if he wants to talk? Who can you call for support?

lulu1974

Ok. I will heed your warnings. My plan if he calls is to not pick up..I have blocked his numbers from my personal phones so he can only get through to work. If he does than I will first try to send him to voicemail. If I pick up by then I will try to hang up and walk away and call my sponsor. If not then come on this website..Or call my mom..take a walk if I need too. I will no longer answer the doorbell unless I am expecting someone..if he shows up then I will repeat above...and pray...My good friend offered me her extra bedroom and I will take her up for the weekends as that is when he mostly drinks and would show up. Other than that I am happy to hear any ideas you may have...Thanks so much..

atdawn

... HE broke the vows ....

Good luck

mermaidgirl

Timely thread Lulu. Thank you. I visited my attorney for the first time today and your words and courage speak volumes for where you are today. I have a ways to go until I can march in with my final divorce papers, but it's ok. I have to get my ducks in a row first. At least-he isn't in the house. Locks get changed tomorrow (thanks to my son being home from Spring Break); move all my $$'s tomorrow. I couldn't take the lies anymore either...and charming though they may be...none of us deserves that kind of treatment from anyone. It has taken TLC to myself-to believe this to be true.

Thanks again! And good luck-you sound great.

lulu1974

Thank you and for me it took the anxiety away. He said he would file but when would that happen? Who knows...And he may have already. It doesnt matter because I have a lawyer now and it will get done one way or another..I had a guy flirt with me..and I am not ready but I had another man talk to me and be interested in what my interests were...It was shocking to admit my A and I havent talked like that in years..But I can tell you..I have grown my hair out worked out ans lost a lot of the weight I have gained and I consider myself pretty again..Its such a great feeling. I am so proud.
SR is here for you..I cancelled 7 lawyer appts before I finally went. And my AH helped me make the decision with his last antics..The best gift he gave me..strength to know what I DID NOT WANT ANYMORE..lol..lol..
If my A is using a manipulation tactic then I laugh picturing sitting and reading the divorce papers and rubbing his head saying ..this is not how I pictured my game ending. Oh well. I am probably wrong as logic has never been a strong point of his.

DMC

I did the same last week. I'm waiting for him to be served and I'm sure he'll try to contact me once he is. Since he's halfway across the country, it will take a little while. I plan to give him a few days to cool off before even trying to talk to him. He's always wanted to "make it work," and even though he's had several proverbial shots across the bow, he isn't going to take it well.

I can't control his reaction. I can't control him at all. And I'm ok with that.

Jadmack25

Well done, you are now on the way to freedom.

God bless