kae

i'm posting this to vent and get some thoughts out of my head sooo you guys don't have to waste your time reading this pointless post. thank god the night is over! i didn't sleep at all last night. i tried to for a while, but i couldn't stop rolling around and kicking my legs and body all around. the nights are the worst for me while detoxing. i kept getting thoughts in my head about using in the morning and if i truly want to stop or if i'm just lying to myself saying i want to stop. it's so strange and confusing. anyways, i watched riding in cars with boys this morning.. and drew barrymore's husband is a heroin addict in the movie. he tries to kick heroin, but leaves in the morning and uses. when he gets home he says he just can't stop and leaves his wife and kid and never contacts them again. at the end of the movie they go to get a signature from him for a book barrymore is publishing. her son says, "I just saw a guy who hasn't showered in a month, whose teeth are rotting, who's living in ****. -And he's my dad." i usually glorify movies with drugs (pref. heroin) in them, but this one really makes me not want to end up like that. no matter how much i love the way it makes me feel, it controls my whole entire life. it controls my thoughts. my body. everything. and i am just exhausted. somehow i always end up forgetting this though. my friend keeps telling me if i go through the 12 steps i'll be fine and be alright with myself not using. i really hope so. i was actually reading the big book last night a little bit. and i'm gonna call this girl i want to sponsor me today and tell her how i've been doing. i saw her at a meeting on friday and i talked to some other girl there. i was really sick and they said i should detox first, and then start going through the steps and coming to meetings. i used right after the meeting, but i haven't used since. i hope i can really do this this time and stop letting time just pass me by. ugh! i am such a mess! and i really feel like i will never be able to do this and live a normal, happy life

caligoose

You can do this. Please hang in there. Detoxing is the worse, but we never think about that when we are drinking and feeling "good". Getting help is wonderful. Alcohol is poison and ruins our bodies, our spirit, our relationships....everything. I am just figuring that out now. I have been sober since Friday and went through major withdrawals this weekend. Hot, cold, cramps, diarrhea, shakes, hallucinations.....not fun. Think of this when you think about picking up that bottle of booze. I know I am. God bless and good luck.

Tazman53

Do not pass GO, do NOT collect $200, call that girl right now!!! Do not read nor reply to anything here until you have called her & told her the truth! Ask her for HELP!!!!

The keys to clean & sober are being HONEST, OPEN MINDED, & a WILLINGNESS to do what ever it takes to stay clean & sober.

Ask her what she did to get & stay clean & sober, then do as she did.

Every time you think about using or drinking call some one! Go to a meeting! Post here!

Will this be easy? Well if you are anything like I was NO! It was not easy for me to ask any one for help for anything, but I did not want to DIE!!!! I asked for help over & over again, I followed suggestions given to me by people who had experience, years of experience of staying clean & sober because they knew how to stay clean and sober.

It did get easier for me, when I saw results from following suggestions no matter how stupid they sounded or how hard they were to follow, the easier it was to follow other suggestions & ask for help.

Anna

Kae,

You can do this, and you deserve a good life.

There is lots of support here.

kae

i called the girl i was talking to on friday and she said there's nothing i can really do right now since i'm sick and my mind is foggy. she said i should maybe go to a meeting though and just sit there to get out of my head. i don't knowwwwww. i just want this to go away.

lostmyway

The physical symptoms will subside, eventually. I was never able to detox on my own. I had to get help from a doctor. Is medical treatment an option for you? For me, it made the initial phase of getting sober much, much easier.

Sobriety is not an easy road. My demon is alcohol, and God willing, tomorrow I will have 30 days. I have made a lot of meetings in those days, and went out of my way to find a sponsor. I am really embracing the 12 steps, though I have not done all of them yet. I can see now that that is the only way.

You have to really want it and be willing to go to any length to get it. I wish you strength.

Dee74

Hi Kae

I'd go to that meeting...and a few more - you may just find someone there who'll agree to sponsor you now, right away

don't give up - we all deserve that normal, happy life - and I don't believe there's anyone here who can't achieve that, if they work at it

D

Luckyv2

Just a lot of good suggestions here.

If I can keep the plug and other things in the jug one day at a time, I know that you can do this deal also. So just keep coming back and KEEP POSTING! It is very important cause we never know what might help someone else.