NC = Emotional Freedom
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
NC = Emotional Freedom
So STBXAH has been texting me all night, unbeknownst to me as I turned my phone off when I went to sleep. I got them this morning.
One text is a picture of the two of us, happy, on a date last May when we were trying to reconcile. He said, "sorry for the drama, my heart is lonely."
This picture used to torture me, as it was really one of the only times we went out without the kids and had fun. I would hold it up as "how happy we could be if we really tried." Now I see it as ridiculous. We couldn't be a happy "if we really tried." Only one of us was trying to make the marriage better. He was working hard to get everything he wanted, instead of having an honest relationship. It's just who he is and what he does.
But when I saw the picture this morning, I was just honestly confused. Why would his heart be lonely? He's made his choices. That's how I really feel. It's his choice to refuse to not talk to OW. He made that very clear to me. He cannot be comforting or supportive to me when I trigger about her. He also verbalized that very well. Sober and drunk.
It's possible he can sense I"m dating, even though I decided yesterday not to do that any more either. But that doesn't even matter because we've cycled around five thousand times with these two essential issues. He has brain damage, literally.
But I don't care about him anymore, at least my focus isn't on him, on whether or not he is capable of anything. A magical thing has happened. I don't feel sorry for him. I don't miss him. I'm not even angry. I see this as very very simple.
He chooses the booze. He chooses the bimbo. He should just own it and stop whining.
One text is a picture of the two of us, happy, on a date last May when we were trying to reconcile. He said, "sorry for the drama, my heart is lonely."
This picture used to torture me, as it was really one of the only times we went out without the kids and had fun. I would hold it up as "how happy we could be if we really tried." Now I see it as ridiculous. We couldn't be a happy "if we really tried." Only one of us was trying to make the marriage better. He was working hard to get everything he wanted, instead of having an honest relationship. It's just who he is and what he does.
But when I saw the picture this morning, I was just honestly confused. Why would his heart be lonely? He's made his choices. That's how I really feel. It's his choice to refuse to not talk to OW. He made that very clear to me. He cannot be comforting or supportive to me when I trigger about her. He also verbalized that very well. Sober and drunk.
It's possible he can sense I"m dating, even though I decided yesterday not to do that any more either. But that doesn't even matter because we've cycled around five thousand times with these two essential issues. He has brain damage, literally.
But I don't care about him anymore, at least my focus isn't on him, on whether or not he is capable of anything. A magical thing has happened. I don't feel sorry for him. I don't miss him. I'm not even angry. I see this as very very simple.
He chooses the booze. He chooses the bimbo. He should just own it and stop whining.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
one word - manipulation!
He's not lonely, he's trying to regain control. It's this "power over" game addicts love to play in order to feed their powerlessness.
My boyfriend does this in other ways, but I'm lucky in that, when we have ended things in the past, he never contacts me. His ego is way too strong.
This is when he turns his sick head games onto himself and calls women and goes out and has sex with them.
At least he stops torturing me.
Your ex trying to play you! Keep ignoring his sorry butt!
He's not lonely, he's trying to regain control. It's this "power over" game addicts love to play in order to feed their powerlessness.
My boyfriend does this in other ways, but I'm lucky in that, when we have ended things in the past, he never contacts me. His ego is way too strong.
This is when he turns his sick head games onto himself and calls women and goes out and has sex with them.
At least he stops torturing me.
Your ex trying to play you! Keep ignoring his sorry butt!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Is it his heart that is lonely or is it another organ perhaps??
If it is truly his heart doing the talking he wouldn't be texting you this way because of the confusion and hurt it causes you.
The relationship was all about him. He is still making it all about him.
You were ready to let him go before. This latest distraction from him changes nothing.
Hang in there. You have enough on your plate as it is. My thoughts are with you today!!
Alice
If it is truly his heart doing the talking he wouldn't be texting you this way because of the confusion and hurt it causes you.
The relationship was all about him. He is still making it all about him.
You were ready to let him go before. This latest distraction from him changes nothing.
Hang in there. You have enough on your plate as it is. My thoughts are with you today!!
Alice
I'm my own best friend
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Reading, PA
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by transformyself 
So STBXAH has been texting me all night, unbeknownst to me as I turned my phone off when I went to sleep. I got them this morning.
One text is a picture of the two of us, happy, on a date last May when we were trying to reconcile. He said, "sorry for the drama, my heart is lonely."
This picture used to torture me, as it was really one of the only times we went out without the kids and had fun. I would hold it up as "how happy we could be if we really tried." Now I see it as ridiculous. We couldn't be a happy "if we really tried." Only one of us was trying to make the marriage better. He was working hard to get everything he wanted, instead of having an honest relationship. It's just who he is and what he does.
But when I saw the picture this morning, I was just honestly confused. Why would his heart be lonely? He's made his choices. That's how I really feel. It's his choice to refuse to not talk to OW. He made that very clear to me. He cannot be comforting or supportive to me when I trigger about her. He also verbalized that very well. Sober and drunk.
It's possible he can sense I"m dating, even though I decided yesterday not to do that any more either. But that doesn't even matter because we've cycled around five thousand times with these two essential issues. He has brain damage, literally.
But I don't care about him anymore, at least my focus isn't on him, on whether or not he is capable of anything. A magical thing has happened. I don't feel sorry for him. I don't miss him. I'm not even angry. I see this as very very simple.
He chooses the booze. He chooses the bimbo. He should just own it and stop whining.
One text is a picture of the two of us, happy, on a date last May when we were trying to reconcile. He said, "sorry for the drama, my heart is lonely."
This picture used to torture me, as it was really one of the only times we went out without the kids and had fun. I would hold it up as "how happy we could be if we really tried." Now I see it as ridiculous. We couldn't be a happy "if we really tried." Only one of us was trying to make the marriage better. He was working hard to get everything he wanted, instead of having an honest relationship. It's just who he is and what he does.
But when I saw the picture this morning, I was just honestly confused. Why would his heart be lonely? He's made his choices. That's how I really feel. It's his choice to refuse to not talk to OW. He made that very clear to me. He cannot be comforting or supportive to me when I trigger about her. He also verbalized that very well. Sober and drunk.
It's possible he can sense I"m dating, even though I decided yesterday not to do that any more either. But that doesn't even matter because we've cycled around five thousand times with these two essential issues. He has brain damage, literally.
But I don't care about him anymore, at least my focus isn't on him, on whether or not he is capable of anything. A magical thing has happened. I don't feel sorry for him. I don't miss him. I'm not even angry. I see this as very very simple.
He chooses the booze. He chooses the bimbo. He should just own it and stop whining.
The fog has lifted. I'm doing everything in my power to stay strong. It's true. No contact works. The fog has lifted. You know what that means?? They know they are losing their power over us, and they will try to do anything to get it back. It's the way people work. Humans love challenges. Now that we are stronger, they want to get that power over us back. STAY STRONG!! I'm happy you are feeling so good.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
I am so happy to hear you are doing well even when he is trying to gear his ugly head into your life. I can only echo what the others have said..Its manipulation..I never really felt he loved me and now I know its true.,they love only themselves..Keep strong. You are doing great.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
My ex has been doing this too. I gave up on the relationship = therefore I have no morals.
Um, excuse me, I have a job. She doesn't. I haven't been to rehab, or been arrested or drunk driving or drunk around children.....but apparently I have no morals.
I refuse to continue to be lied to and manipulated.....therefore I have no morals.
I refuse to be trampled on, and used for my paycheque to finance her lifestyle.....therefore I have no morals.....
I refuse to be with someone who doesn't cherish and love me.....therefore I have no morals.
Unbelievable the disconnect.
I warned her that if she continued with the drinking that I would be gone. She made her decision and now has to live with the consequences. She thought I was bluffing.
No contact is truly wonderful.
Um, excuse me, I have a job. She doesn't. I haven't been to rehab, or been arrested or drunk driving or drunk around children.....but apparently I have no morals.
I refuse to continue to be lied to and manipulated.....therefore I have no morals.
I refuse to be trampled on, and used for my paycheque to finance her lifestyle.....therefore I have no morals.....
I refuse to be with someone who doesn't cherish and love me.....therefore I have no morals.
Unbelievable the disconnect.
I warned her that if she continued with the drinking that I would be gone. She made her decision and now has to live with the consequences. She thought I was bluffing.
No contact is truly wonderful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by jewell614
Good for you. I feel the same way about my exab. I am getting stronger, and I don't worry about him anymore.
The fog has lifted. I'm doing everything in my power to stay strong. It's true. No contact works. The fog has lifted. You know what that means?? They know they are losing their power over us, and they will try to do anything to get it back. It's the way people work. Humans love challenges. Now that we are stronger, they want to get that power over us back. STAY STRONG!! I'm happy you are feeling so good.
The fog has lifted. I'm doing everything in my power to stay strong. It's true. No contact works. The fog has lifted. You know what that means?? They know they are losing their power over us, and they will try to do anything to get it back. It's the way people work. Humans love challenges. Now that we are stronger, they want to get that power over us back. STAY STRONG!! I'm happy you are feeling so good.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
No contact is wonderful, no emotional engagement is precious, thank to SR I lately "engage" but am getting better at letting it go then enjoying the afternoon.
I am still angry but I prefer being angry than sad or worried...
Remember the HALT rule, don't be harsh with yourself and consider if you are hungry, angry, lonely, tired or a combination or all of them..... once you start working on resting, eating, doing some sport, calling a friend etc you'll start remembering you got a GREAT life and everything that they say here its TRUE.
We can't control them. We can't be replaced either. If we see life through OUR eyes it looks much better. There is much peace and joy and beauty. There is yoga and silence and appreciation for nature. There is the spiritual connection. That is who we are. If others want to live in the mud fine by me, as long as they are away, be my guest.
HUGS today!!
I am still angry but I prefer being angry than sad or worried...
Remember the HALT rule, don't be harsh with yourself and consider if you are hungry, angry, lonely, tired or a combination or all of them..... once you start working on resting, eating, doing some sport, calling a friend etc you'll start remembering you got a GREAT life and everything that they say here its TRUE.
We can't control them. We can't be replaced either. If we see life through OUR eyes it looks much better. There is much peace and joy and beauty. There is yoga and silence and appreciation for nature. There is the spiritual connection. That is who we are. If others want to live in the mud fine by me, as long as they are away, be my guest.
HUGS today!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by Duped
My ex has been doing this too. I gave up on the relationship = therefore I have no morals.
Um, excuse me, I have a job. She doesn't. I haven't been to rehab, or been arrested or drunk driving or drunk around children.....but apparently I have no morals.
I refuse to continue to be lied to and manipulated.....therefore I have no morals.
I refuse to be trampled on, and used for my paycheque to finance her lifestyle.....therefore I have no morals.....
I refuse to be with someone who doesn't cherish and love me.....therefore I have no morals.
Unbelievable the disconnect.
I warned her that if she continued with the drinking that I would be gone. She made her decision and now has to live with the consequences. She thought I was bluffing.
No contact is truly wonderful.
Um, excuse me, I have a job. She doesn't. I haven't been to rehab, or been arrested or drunk driving or drunk around children.....but apparently I have no morals.
I refuse to continue to be lied to and manipulated.....therefore I have no morals.
I refuse to be trampled on, and used for my paycheque to finance her lifestyle.....therefore I have no morals.....
I refuse to be with someone who doesn't cherish and love me.....therefore I have no morals.
Unbelievable the disconnect.
I warned her that if she continued with the drinking that I would be gone. She made her decision and now has to live with the consequences. She thought I was bluffing.
No contact is truly wonderful.
I'm my own best friend
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Reading, PA
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by transformyself
Hey Jewell, who's that little dumpling in your picture?
And yes, yes, yes, YES to all this wisdom. Thank you.
And yes, yes, yes, YES to all this wisdom. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Beautiful little girl.
Coincidentally, my ex just pulled the 'I'm so lonely' kick on me this morning. Crying about how hard done by she is and how I have totally abandoned her even as a friend. How hard done by can she be? Her life is financed by a combination of social assistance and rich parents......
The whole contact was about her turning everything back on me.....once again. She operates as though she's done nothing wrong. She actually believes the crap she shovels too.
Truth is, she's freaking out because she's worried about custody.....and so she should be.
She's doing everything to regain power and control, and she's flailing madly.
Even my mother is shocked by her complete and utter disconnect.
We both are starting to think that the drugs and alcohol have fried her brain.
Coincidentally, my ex just pulled the 'I'm so lonely' kick on me this morning. Crying about how hard done by she is and how I have totally abandoned her even as a friend. How hard done by can she be? Her life is financed by a combination of social assistance and rich parents......
The whole contact was about her turning everything back on me.....once again. She operates as though she's done nothing wrong. She actually believes the crap she shovels too.
Truth is, she's freaking out because she's worried about custody.....and so she should be.
She's doing everything to regain power and control, and she's flailing madly.
Even my mother is shocked by her complete and utter disconnect.
We both are starting to think that the drugs and alcohol have fried her brain.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by transformyself
Hey Duped, I"m interested in custody issues as well, how is your custody battle going with you AX?
I don't have the financial might to go against her family, so basically it's a war of attrition, and so I have unfortunately had to sit back and just let her train wreck continue. She's very adept at avoiding being caught but she's walking on thinner and thinner ice. I don't want her to hit rock bottom but I'm afraid that's where this seems to be headed with her.
Even with her past rehab and drug use, and subsequent alcohol abuse.....and no income, I'm still at a disadvantage. Basically she is going to have to screw up royally for anything to change custody wise.
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