FiftyPence

Pumping on adrenalin here right now. AW has informed me that she's seen a lawyer to draw up a separation agreement. This is great, it's setting the wheels in motion - hell, one of us had to do it.

I guess the reason I've been avoiding this for so long is because I will now be obliged to try and get her legally declared unfit as a mother.

She can't have any kind of custody of our two small children until such time as she's got control over her alcoholism. This is guaranteed going to degenerate into a legal slanging match but, so be it, we can't agree on anything.

Not sure what the legal procedure is from this point on? Can anyone shed any light on it?

coyote21

Not sure how it works where you are, I didn't have to "prove" her unfit. My lawyer and CPS and the DA (district attorney) only had to prove that a "sober" parent (me), would be better than an "active" alcoholic (her). Kind of a nobrainer in retrospect.

I remember figuring that if by some strange twist "she" actually got custody, it wouldn't be long before she effed up, and lost custody.

You don't really have to worry, (but I know you will, I did), no active alcoholic can pull off "normal" for very long.

And yes, it is good that someone finally "pulled the trigger" on your alcoholic marriage. I wouldn't wish what I went through in mine on my worst enemy. Good luck, keep us informed. I'll be praying for you and your kids.

You can do this.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

FiftyPence

"You don't really have to worry, (but I know you will, I did)"

Yeah that's my biggest fear, her getting custody of our little ones. Thanks for your words of support - I'm literally almost all alone in this apart from one or two friends - I have no direct family to lean on due to my peculiar personal circumstances (both parents and sibling have passed on).

I think we have a similar system here, I've spoken to a social worker (equivalent of child protection services) who said I can work with local town magistrate (DA equiv) to get something similar happening - I must just find a good family lawyer now.

wicked

Fifty Pence,
It sounds like you have a good plan in place. Just keep doing the next right thing.
I understand how vicious an active alcoholic can get, but when you realize there is nothing but noise there you can relax a little.
Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Beth

FiftyPence

Thanks wicked... she is quite a nasty drunk nowadays... it wasn't always so but I guess it's how the disease can progress. I also think I'm gaining new insights into her behaviour when she's got a bottle of wine in her.

I used to think she's kinda harmless and floppy when she's drunk but I'm now seeing just how damaging her drinking is on our relationship. The fact that she's not beating me over the head with a frying pan in no ways means the damage to our relationship is any less serious.

wicked

Oh I do understand that, FiftyPence.
When you are worrying whether she will drive drunk with the kids, that kinda takes all the respect out of it. Did for me.
I am a recovering alcoholic who did the same thing, I got sober, my ex did not.
I waffled back and forth about divorce until he came to pick them up drunk.
Had to call the sheriff cause he still thought he could have his visitation, kids witnessing, crying and screaming. It doesnt matter to them, just getting drunk.
this was just the topper of a long slow torturous journey, I am glad you are saving your children from any more of this foolishness.

coyote21

I am a recovering alcoholic who did the same thing, I got sober, my ex did not.


Same here.

My x told me after I got sole custody, "You can't afford to fight me for her the rest of your life".

Scared the crap outta me at the time. It's been 3 years now and she still hasn't bothered to get a job, still drinking, and fortunately for me....not so much for DD, has pretty much lost interest in anything not related to drinking.

LMC (Little Miss Coyote) was just down there for a week and her mom came around for 1 visit for about an hour. Oh well.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote