armaviva

im confused about what makes a person an abuser or a dependent... does dependency mean alcoholism? if it's hard to be around alcohol and not be tempted to drink does that make you dependent?

suki44883

There are probably different theories on this, but in my opinion, if a person needs to drink to keep withdrawals away, then that person is probably dependent on alcohol. Just having a hard time not drinking when alcohol is around doesn't necessarily mean that the person is an alcoholic.

least

To me, "abuse" means you want it, maybe too much, but dependency means you "need" it whether you "want" it or not.

armaviva

i think there are a lot of different theories because to me it gets really confusing trying to figure it out. that makes sense though.. since dependency is supposed to be like a physical need for alcohol right? i've been sober for a while & dont remember going through any withdrawals at all but i feel like for how long i have been abstaining i shouldnt be having such a hard time not drinking when there is alcohol around.
but maybe its just like the saying goes-- old habits die hard.
im not sure
i love those quotes you have btw

suki44883

Well, I'm one of those who isn't really concerned with what it's called...alcoholism or problem drinker, or hard drinker, or abusive drinker. If alcohol is a problem for me, i.e., blacking out, getting into trouble while drinking, feeling like crap all the time, etc., then I'm better off without it.

armaviva

i get what you're saying...
i usually only want to drink when im around it. like i was at this event a couple weeks ago & everyone was getting trashed so the whole time i was there i had to incessantly talk myself out of drinking. or when im really stressed out.
now im thinking im more on the abuser side

armaviva

true..everyone here knows they have a problem & is better off without it. but i think that if you know specifically what kind of a problem you have with it you know better how to address it & your chances are better of staying sober longer. maybe im wrong though

suki44883

true..everyone here knows they have a problem & is better off without it. but i think that if you know specifically what kind of a problem you have with it you know better how to address it & your chances are better of staying sober longer. maybe im wrong though

Different strokes for different folks. Not everyone is the same. I'm coming up on two years sober, so whatever I'm doing must be working. I don't fret about drinking, rarely even think about it. I don't have to "white-knuckle" it when I'm around folks who are drinking. The thing is...find what works for you and then do that.

flutter

I'm like suki, doesn't matter how it's labeled for me because there is only one way for me to safely address the issues I had with alcohol.. which was to quit drinking, figure out why I was drinking, and work my butt off on my recovery to prevent drinking again in the future. It's much less complicated now, I'm just a non-drinker, and I never even think about drinking anymore.. and through a bit of therapy, I know myself a whole lot better as a bonus

armaviva

how long have you been sober? do you or have you ever had problems being around it?

armaviva

ya i guess i just dont feel like whatever im doing is working.. i wish i didnt have such a hard time being around it still

Mark75

There is an inner truth in all of us in terms of alcohol. Alcoholic, hard drinker, problem drinker, dependent, social drinker.... words really can fail us here...

My own experience...

Do I try to make my inner truth what I want it to be? If I do that, make the truth what I want it to be, is it still the truth? If I "see" the truth, what do I make of it? Can I see how that truth affects me and the ones I love, or does my inner truth lie to me, or worse, make me indifferent?

Unfortunately, for me, words get in the way. Words can give me a method of lying, averting my eyes, blinding the truth.

What is your truth? Why do YOU drink?

Welcome to SR!

Mark

armaviva

im feeling really defeated... i dont know what to do
i dont want to have to battle it forever. im a pretty tenacious person but im also pretty impulsive....... its scary

armaviva

i drink because i've gone through some things that have changed me alot.. i dont like who i am anymore and when im intoxicated i feel like i can escape from myself for awhile.

armaviva

so everyone thinks the labels are bull? i thought that if you knew what you would be considered you could get more like personalized advice & it would help..

flutter

Me personally, I've been sober since Dec/08.. I think everyone has to find what works for them best. For some people it's AA, rehab, outpatient group therapy, counseling, a combo of all of the above, and probably many things I can't think of! For me, one on one counseling with an addictions therapist really helped me out, but I had to get to a place where I wanted sobriety more than another drink, before any else would 'work' to support me and provide me tools for long term sobriety. Honestly, I had a lot of "false starts", it was only until I was DONE that I could put it behind me and put all that energy into feeling better. Just quitting drinking wasn't enough, I had to get other support, and most people that have been through this would agree. I hope you find what works, I know I had to be willing to try ANYthing to get to where I am now. It's the best thing I have ever done for my life.

Oh, and I wanted to add.. I still dont enjoy being around it. I don't go to bars, and I don't hang out with drinkers much anymore.. I'm just too busy, and have other interests. I don't hang out with the same friends, as they were just drinking pals. It's a whole life change..

armaviva

i do feel like im done.. i dont see a relapse happening
im just not where i want to be, and i kind of feel like im regressing.

NEOMARXIST

Me, I'm an alcoholic. For me personally, knowing that I'm an alcoholic is what keeps me sober fundamentally. In UK and being a 24 year old male without absolute certainty that I am alcoholic then the chances of taking that first drink eventually are pretty likely. Drink is everywhere and a fundamental part of UK culture. Binge-drinking is a social norm among the youth in England. If I weren't an alcoholic then i would drink... simple. But I am so i don't, because it will kill me and destroy everything I have built up in the last 8+ months sober.

Peace

Mark75

Surrender. You can try to "win" or you can "lose" or.... you can just simply choose not to fight.

Change who you are.

No, labels aren't bull... they just didn't work for me.... Personalized advice? .... Don't drink!!

I'm am not flaming you. Nor am I criticizing or trying to belittle you. I am not engaging in sarcasm for kicks.... Alcoholism lies to us. Wants us to believe that we are different, unique. We are not. I could have said all the things you did, we are more alike than we are different. How I found serenity in sobriety would work for you too, so would other methods.

Find one.

Peace.

Mark

armaviva

how did you do it