jcfollower

I'm still here...I say that more as a reminder to myself to be an active participant in my own recovery...the last several days I have been feeling down in the dumps and flying under the radar here, reading but not posting. I'm afraid it's because I've slipped backwards a bit into the miry pit of depression. I have struggled with depression ever since childhood, and in recent years have learned how to recognize warning signs that help me to know I need to make some changes. One of the these warning signs is withdrawal--I clam up and want to retreat to the safety of my own home--sometimes even isolating myself in my bedroom.

For years I thought I could succeed at this "flying under the radar"--I subconsciously sent out vibes to people (especially men) that I was unapproachable. I wasn't rude or unfriendly, mind you, just aloof. And I dressed in a manner that lended itself to my delusion of invisibility. What I later came to recognize was that people didn't "not see me," they "saw" me alright--as a "What Not to Wear" candidate. Lol!!!

I've been reading CDM along with Alizerin's book thread, but I think I have been feeling sadness over some of the revelations. You know, when Reality knocks on the door and you finally choose to open it, there *are* consequences! Hahahaha!!! I have been doing a little grieving in the process of letting go, and it's been hard.

On the bright side, I am getting much better at not holding my breath! I have had minimal contact with the RABF and am ok with that. One of the things that is helping to keep me from becoming a crazy tangled up ball of yarn again is asking myself, "So what?" or "How does that impact me?" when I have worries or negative thoughts or anxious moments. I also have been thinking about starting a list of my needs, and then writing down appropriate, healthy ways that I can get those needs met. I'm a work in progress!

barb dwyer

hi JC welcome back -

sounds more like some spring cleaning to me ....

I hope the day comes for us as a people
that we will no longer have
to apologize for a brain chemical imbalance ....
that's like apologizing for having blonde hair in my circle...

your input is often very calm and I've missed it!

Pelican

I still get some blue days too. I started keeping track of them (part of acknowledging they existed). My slumps usually start to turn around after 3 days.

One of the things that helps me during my slumps is to make a gratitude list. Things I am grateful for today.

This has been on the top of my list lately:

I woke up on this side of the dirt today! Woohoo!

We're glad you're still here and working on your side of the street. It's not always a tree lined, picket fenced, bed of roses fantasy street. It is a street that has been traveled by many a wounded soul. Keep reaching out for help and you will find your way.