cmhcali

Hi everyone just a quick update. I have overall been doing pretty good until today. I am visiting a friend across the country when I hear from a kid that moved out here from my state that my exabf is not getting deployed and may be going to detox.

I am scared as I just spoke with his mom and she said she spoke with him the other day and he was fine. I did not let her know what I heard as I dont know all the facts.

I tried calling him and his phone is off. He is supposed to be training to be deployed and I am praying he is alive. I wish I was at home with my friends and my network

sosad09

Sorry, cmhcali.
Hope everything is okay

teke

sorry about this, try not to put too much into your not being able to contact him. he's probably ok, if not, i'm sure his mom will let you know. try to keep the focus on you. he may be already in detox, if so, he may not be able to contact your or anyone right now. you'll probably here more about him soon. you both are in my prayers

coffeedrinker

i'm sorry you are so wrought with anxiety. it sure feels awful.

can you stay busy and try to have some fun in the meantime?

cmhcali

Hi everyone thanks for the posts. I have definitely been busy and having fun. He is in detox, so I am not worrying now.

outtolunch

I mean this in the kindest way.....you have a choice in the matter here....worry about something you have no control over or let go.

cinderellawkids

Remember even if you were home, there's nothing you can do for him, nothing would be different. Enjoy your trip, dont allow him to rent any space in your head

hello-kitty

Oh what a tangled web he weaves.

Thank goodness he's your "ex" right?!

cmhcali

Thanks everyone. I definitely read your posts and am working daily on myself. I did enjoy my vacation. I ended up being happy to be there and was able to laugh and not even think about it.

I did discuss with someone who has been through a similar situation on setting healthy boundaries for myself and am going to work on that. I am making a list of all the things I deem to be healthy. These are things I am able to maintain with my sister that is on the streets with her active addiction so I am confident I can maintain them here. I deserve more and I know everyone keeps telling me that, but I am now starting to believe it instead of just saying it. I am grateful he is in detox as it is given me time to set and work on my boundaries for when he gets out so I stick to them.

I have to remember that I will not talk to my sister when she is using, I will not give her money, rides and for that matter I have never even given her a hot meal. I do love her but I let her go and I know I can do the same here.

It just is sometimes tough having so many addicts in my life. I have been going to meetings. I just want my family to get better. I want my twin brother and nephew to live life off the methadone clinic. I know it helps them not use heroin but all my 20 year old nephew does is sleep. My brother goes to work and then does nothing. Neither of them are in pain. I never know if my sister is dead or alive and she already has had Hep C for many years.

I think this relationship is surfacing a lot of feelings and fears with my family which I think I am ready to face through meetings and counseling. I am grateful that even though I stumble I can come here and post and you guys can remind me why I am on this path, because even those others choose to die I can choose to live and for that I am grateful.

I cant save my family and I can save my exabf. I already know what it is like to loose one sibling to cancer and I dont want to loose another but I know I have no control. I know I cant save anyone.

I am angry, sad, enraged and I am grateful I can feel my feelings. Thanks.