enodm

So as you all know my 19 yr old AS was in the ICU unit last weekend from methonol posioning.... You'd think this would have woke him up... He did tell me he wanted to go into sober living.. I said OK< until you can get into one, this will be your sober living house HA HA... The past week of course he is not following the "rules" I tols him last night cerfew was 11.. and he MUST attend his IOP this morning at 9:30.. Well NO Randy, no phone call, he did not go to his class.. I am not suprised though. I kinda expected it. So that's it. I love him, but release him.... My mom tells me Poor Randy he cant take care of himself... I said No mom.... POOR you for having pitty on him.
Am I mean??? Am I heartless?? Dont get me wrong I would be tickled if he came home, didnt look strung out ans said MOM I am sorry and I love you and I am ready, but It is not going to happen.

God, take my sweet sweet son into your arms and protect and love him. Randy I release you
xoxox

Impurrfect

((Enodm)) - IMO, it's not wrong. I'm an RA and we are pretty darned resourceful. Heck, we can always find a way to get HIGH, well we can usually find somewhere to crash for a night's sleep, too, if we want.

If I'd been allowed to keep using, yet come home to a nice bed, food, shower, etc. I don't know that I wouldn't probably STILL be using instead of just having celebrated 3 years clean.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

outtolunch

Sounds to me like you are a mom who loves him enough to let go and give him the dignity of making his own choices and the realization of the consequences of those choices. The rest is up to him.

enodm

Well it's only been in the past week that I have gotten to this point. THANK GOD I am sleeping again... I feel almost numb, does that make sense.. My family wants to talk about him every single time I see them or talk to them on the phone, with my mom that's about 7 times a day. I have just said I dont know, I dont know, I dont know to all the questions. I have no answer's other than I can not obsess over it anymore, it's affecting my marriage not to mention I have an 11 year old that has kinda gotten lost in all of this. I have been spending more time with her. I also have a 1 year old, that is a little blessing.
UGH it's hard, but I have to do this.

coffeedrinker

you are starting to make the break that will actually assist him. stay strong mom.

idahoone

You are doing the right thing...put the focus on you and your other kids, and your husband. It is hard to do but it is the right thing to do! It used to help me to remember that my son"s addiction counselor had said while we were in group "Your addict is not thinking about you when they are out using!" so when my son went "back out" I would remember those words. The most loving thing we can do for our addicts is get out of the way so they can face their consequences.

Prayers and hugs from one Mom to another!

barb dwyer

I had to face the same decision.

I prayed and prayed.

And for fifteen years - there was no contact between us.

But not one time .... not a single time in all those years
did I doubt I had done what I believed was the RIGHT thing...
The ONLY thing that would bring the HIGHEST GOOD.

And when I was led to find my sons...
I found them ...effortlessly.

Because it was time.

And between the two
almost the first thing they both said
was they held me no grudge
because they'd had time to realize
that I'd always done what I believed was the right thing...

above all other things.

My jpositive energy going out to you
from one who knows
exactly what you're feeling right now.

Be sure in your heart
in your mind
in your body
that what you do ... is the right thing.

Then... don't look back.

I believe it is truly one of the TWO
the most self_LESS acts
a human being can make...

teke

i agree with the others, you did a loving thing to release him. god knows where he is, how to get him where he needs to be and he knows the route it will take. focus on you and the others.
.
it took for my family to do just what you've done before i hit my bottom. they allowed me to suffer the consequences of my actions on my own. then and only then was i able to see for myself just how destructive and out of control my life had become and i became desperate to do whatever it took to sve my own life. that same bottom is what helps me to stay clean. today i'm 8yrs sober and eternally grateful to my family for stepping out of my way and letting me fall as low as i chose to fall and today, my relationship with my family is even better than it was before addiction.

i honestly believe that if they had continued to hold me up, i would more than likely still be using, in jail or dead. you and your family are in my prayers.

enodm

Barb you said:

Be sure in your heart
in your mind
in your body
that what you do ... is the right thing.

Then... don't look back.

It does feel right!! VERY right. He came by today to "hang out" I told him that this was not a place for him to come "hang, take a hot shower, eat a hot meal or sleep in a comfy bed" It's all or nothing. He said alright... than left shortly after.

I am feeling very strrong RIGHT NOW, but than may change in a hour ha ha.. All I can do is pray for the best and not awfulize the situation or what could happen in the future. I love my sweet son and pray for him to gain stregnth!! I have not been lecturing him, nagging him, calling him.... Just telling him I love him and be safe when I do see or talk to him.

Anyone one here in Utah?

I know I am rambling, but on a good note.... He has still been going to school to get his diploma... I dont get it, but am glad he is atleast doing one thing right.
Night all
xoxo

Impurrfect

Good for you on the "no hangin' here" rule!! You really ARE doing what's best for him, and you.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy