I'm new and scared of failure
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 6
I'm new and scared of failure
Hi -so after watching Oprah today - while nursing a hangover, I am finally admitting that I have a serious problem. I did a couple on-line tests and it's true - I'm a high functioning alcoholic. I knew I had a problem for a while, yet I continue to drink. I feel so much guilt. I'm so scared of failing. I find myself, even as I type this, thinking...oh, I can still have a glass of wine or a beer here and there and be able to control it... just stop after one or two. But, I'm afraid I won't be able to. I'm afraid of the guilt I feel, over and over, after a night of drinking.
Anyway... day one complete. Wish me luck. I need support!
C
Anyway... day one complete. Wish me luck. I need support!
C
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Welcome to Sober Recovery. There are lots of people here who will offer you support, advice and unconditional love. It's a great place to be. Congrats on your decision to start a new life. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Palm Beach, FL
Posts: 124
Welcome to SR Reggie7, this forum is full of great people with tons of support. If I could do it all over again I would have gotten help much sooner. I'm approaching 8 weeks sober this Sunday after many years of abuse and I can feel your pain. Hang in there, stay positive and good things will come your way.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Seattle!
Posts: 211
Welcome to SR!
Congratulations on your decision to quit drinking. It isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. Read posts on here, check into some meetings, find what works for you and work it! You can do it!
Congratulations on your decision to quit drinking. It isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. Read posts on here, check into some meetings, find what works for you and work it! You can do it!
Last edited by wichitalineman; 03-12-2010 at 09:37 PM. Reason: Abnormally huge typographical error. Edited for sanity of future readership.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
It's a wise idea to have an honest talk with your doctor.
De toxing from alcohol is a medical issue.
Please read this link for info and some of our experiences
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Many of us are winning over alcohol...Yes! you can too!
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Reggie and welcome.
For me admitting I was an alcoholic was the first step. Until then I couldn't imagine I could ever be one because alcohol created an illusion that I was so very, very different to "alcoholics".
But knowledge of that problem was not enough for me to recover. I recovered using the 12 Step program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Why not try going to some meetings? Meeting other alcoholics face to face who know exactly how you feel is invaluable. They also can show you a solution to your problem.
Keep sharing here. This is a great support site.
For me admitting I was an alcoholic was the first step. Until then I couldn't imagine I could ever be one because alcohol created an illusion that I was so very, very different to "alcoholics".
But knowledge of that problem was not enough for me to recover. I recovered using the 12 Step program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Why not try going to some meetings? Meeting other alcoholics face to face who know exactly how you feel is invaluable. They also can show you a solution to your problem.
Keep sharing here. This is a great support site.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by barb dwyer 
It's not about the trying and failing -
it's about the failing to try.
Welcome to SR!
it's about the failing to try.
Welcome to SR!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Reggie, I'm so glad you found SR. I got sober after finding this place. All the encouragement & love that was shared with me helped me quit after 25 yrs. I knew in my 20's I had a problem, but kept going - always thinking I would control it - that it was just a willpower issue. Once the first drink hits us, all bets are off. There is no control & no telling where we'll be led.
I found I was no longer alone after I came here. The same things I'd been through, everyone else had too. No one in my world had my problem, & I had begun to think it was just a character flaw. I had never been a bitter, angry person - yet drinking was turning me into one. The very thing I thought was making my life happier and carefree. It was so hard to admit I was slowly killing my spirit & destroying my health. Giving up the idea that I could ever have "a few" was hard for me, but the only way.
Congratulations on your decision to change and have a new life. You can do this!
I found I was no longer alone after I came here. The same things I'd been through, everyone else had too. No one in my world had my problem, & I had begun to think it was just a character flaw. I had never been a bitter, angry person - yet drinking was turning me into one. The very thing I thought was making my life happier and carefree. It was so hard to admit I was slowly killing my spirit & destroying my health. Giving up the idea that I could ever have "a few" was hard for me, but the only way.
Congratulations on your decision to change and have a new life. You can do this!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to SR! 
And congrats on deciding to live sober. It's not easy, it takes some effort on your part, but it's really worth the effort. You CAN do this. Take it one day at a time and just don't drink today!
And congrats on deciding to live sober. It's not easy, it takes some effort on your part, but it's really worth the effort. You CAN do this. Take it one day at a time and just don't drink today! Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Reggie, I think I relate to that. I recognized there was something wrong for years, even though I didn't have a lot of dramatic incidents that stemmed from the drinking - and I drank over top of the recognition. I would take care of it later, always later. But it was a long period of just me and the alcohol, and I kept myself trapped in "there."
As you stay off the drinking, you might feel a more pronounced sense of guilt that comes over you during the first couple of weeks. I'm not a medical expert, but I think that is a common physical reaction to adapting to the absence of the drug. If that does happen, just remember it will get better. Don't be afraid to go to the doctor either to make sure everything is OK. Be satisfied with each day that goes by with no alcohol, they will pile up and this will increase your confidence in the new normal.
Lot of people feel much of what you feel and always have.
As you stay off the drinking, you might feel a more pronounced sense of guilt that comes over you during the first couple of weeks. I'm not a medical expert, but I think that is a common physical reaction to adapting to the absence of the drug. If that does happen, just remember it will get better. Don't be afraid to go to the doctor either to make sure everything is OK. Be satisfied with each day that goes by with no alcohol, they will pile up and this will increase your confidence in the new normal.
Lot of people feel much of what you feel and always have.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 23
Reggie-
First of all, what Carol said.
Detoxing from alcohol is rough and it should be done under a doctor's supervision.
If you have been drinking heavily for a long time it may well be best done inpatient.
The fear of failure is a common one and completely understandable on top of being nothing to be ashamed of.
And even if you do slip while you are trying to stop that only means you have swerved on the road.
Not driven completely into a ditch.
You know you have a problem....what a huge first step!
Begin working to manage this problem and you will have joined the club with the highest membership on Earth.
This forum and others like it are great, but IMHO you also need to be in a room face to face with others struggling with addiction.
For that purpose AA meetings can hardly be beat.
I personally have some "philisophical differences" with AA but it still gave me the invaluable opportunity to be around friendly, attractive, funny, happy and healthy looking people who shared my addiction.
That experience alone was priceless and I will be forever in their debt for it.
I wish you all the best and has previously been said, you are SO not alone.
You have taken the first step and for many that is the hardest.
For many others, it is unfortunately impossible.
Stay on the path and you'll find that the scenery just gets better the farther you go.
First of all, what Carol said.
Detoxing from alcohol is rough and it should be done under a doctor's supervision.
If you have been drinking heavily for a long time it may well be best done inpatient.
The fear of failure is a common one and completely understandable on top of being nothing to be ashamed of.
And even if you do slip while you are trying to stop that only means you have swerved on the road.
Not driven completely into a ditch.
You know you have a problem....what a huge first step!
Begin working to manage this problem and you will have joined the club with the highest membership on Earth.
This forum and others like it are great, but IMHO you also need to be in a room face to face with others struggling with addiction.
For that purpose AA meetings can hardly be beat.
I personally have some "philisophical differences" with AA but it still gave me the invaluable opportunity to be around friendly, attractive, funny, happy and healthy looking people who shared my addiction.
That experience alone was priceless and I will be forever in their debt for it.
I wish you all the best and has previously been said, you are SO not alone.
You have taken the first step and for many that is the hardest.
For many others, it is unfortunately impossible.
Stay on the path and you'll find that the scenery just gets better the farther you go.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 118
Originally Posted by Reggie7
Hi -so after watching Oprah today - while nursing a hangover, I am finally admitting that I have a serious problem. I did a couple on-line tests and it's true - I'm a high functioning alcoholic. I knew I had a problem for a while, yet I continue to drink. I feel so much guilt. I'm so scared of failing. I find myself, even as I type this, thinking...oh, I can still have a glass of wine or a beer here and there and be able to control it... just stop after one or two. But, I'm afraid I won't be able to. I'm afraid of the guilt I feel, over and over, after a night of drinking.
Anyway... day one complete. Wish me luck. I need support!
C
Anyway... day one complete. Wish me luck. I need support!
C
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by Reggie7
Hi -so after watching Oprah today - while nursing a hangover, I am finally admitting that I have a serious problem. I did a couple on-line tests and it's true - I'm a high functioning alcoholic. I knew I had a problem for a while, yet I continue to drink. I feel so much guilt. I'm so scared of failing. I find myself, even as I type this, thinking...oh, I can still have a glass of wine or a beer here and there and be able to control it... just stop after one or two. But, I'm afraid I won't be able to. I'm afraid of the guilt I feel, over and over, after a night of drinking.
Anyway... day one complete. Wish me luck. I need support!
C
Anyway... day one complete. Wish me luck. I need support!
C
to the family
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome, C ~
I was the same as you - high functioning - always went to work, didn't lose my home, family - but alcoholism is progressive - all these "things" that I hadn't lost were all just "yets" waiting to happen.
What I did lose while I was drinking was alot - my self-esteem, pride, character, self-worth - it finally did me in.
The shame, the guilt - it was so unbearable that any fear of failure to stop drinking wasn't even an option - I had had enough.
I think we know when our own "enough" is and until that time comes, we'll try to rationalize, justify and defend why we think we can control it - this is especially true after the first weeks of sobriety when we (most people I think) begin to feel physically better.
I experienced 'anxiety' in early sobriety (not 'guilt' - never heard that one)but anxiety would be a normal reaction to your body re-adjusting to the lack of alcohol on your nervous system. Some people experience it, some don't.
Glad to have you here. You're in a great place for support. Check out other forums here on SR, post whenever you need to - talking (typing) out loud tends to relieve apprehensions/frustrations, etc.
Don't be afraid of failure - the only failure is in not trying.
I was the same as you - high functioning - always went to work, didn't lose my home, family - but alcoholism is progressive - all these "things" that I hadn't lost were all just "yets" waiting to happen.
What I did lose while I was drinking was alot - my self-esteem, pride, character, self-worth - it finally did me in.
The shame, the guilt - it was so unbearable that any fear of failure to stop drinking wasn't even an option - I had had enough.
I think we know when our own "enough" is and until that time comes, we'll try to rationalize, justify and defend why we think we can control it - this is especially true after the first weeks of sobriety when we (most people I think) begin to feel physically better.
I experienced 'anxiety' in early sobriety (not 'guilt' - never heard that one)but anxiety would be a normal reaction to your body re-adjusting to the lack of alcohol on your nervous system. Some people experience it, some don't.
Glad to have you here. You're in a great place for support. Check out other forums here on SR, post whenever you need to - talking (typing) out loud tends to relieve apprehensions/frustrations, etc.
Don't be afraid of failure - the only failure is in not trying.
20/12/09
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Hey
I did the same kind of thing as you although I did have some thoughts that I could be alcoholic.
I did about 20 tests online to "make sure" what i was reading was true - and then denial crept in.
Try not to overload your mind with things, take it easy and each day as it comes - the rest falls into place.
But as others have mentioned, detoxing is something the professionals can help with.
If you think you might like to talk face to face with others, AA is a good place to start.
Keep posting and reading - I have learnt alot from here and got amazing support!
LH
I did the same kind of thing as you although I did have some thoughts that I could be alcoholic.
I did about 20 tests online to "make sure" what i was reading was true - and then denial crept in.
Try not to overload your mind with things, take it easy and each day as it comes - the rest falls into place.
But as others have mentioned, detoxing is something the professionals can help with.
If you think you might like to talk face to face with others, AA is a good place to start.
Keep posting and reading - I have learnt alot from here and got amazing support!
LH
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome Reggie and you can do this. I watch Oprah too, but I missed that episode. Don't get too far ahead of yourself in your thinking. The never again concept kept me drinking for many years and it still can freak me out if I am not in the right frame of mind. 24 hours is all you need to think about. SR will help you for sure.
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