tam

yep, I fell off the horse again...my AH called 2 nights ago after no contact for 3 weeks..he was sad, wanted to come home and I said no not until your sober and out of rehab..he played with my head again and was calm and said he wont get an attorney to take me to court for money (he has been saying this for 3 months but has no money) if I pay his pharmacy tab. I said sure (I lied) just to keep him calm..then he said I want to see the dogs can I come over ? I said no I wasnt feeling well (I lied)..he said okay how about this weekend, I said sure call me..well..I thought and thought and went back on the forum here to continue my stance (THANK YOU ALL) and decided once again I made my emotions and love for him take over once again. he just called and asked if I paid the pharmacy, I said no I dont have any money (I lied) he said okay got to go now..
I have been sad and depressed the last couple of days since he contacted me,prior to that I was doing much better. Out running, shopping and even laughing..why oh why did I fall??? anyway, guess it happens..but I have to get back on the horse and take control..
I want to thank you all for posting your stories, this forum and the meetings have helped me so much and want all newbies to know that your not alone and to use this site and go to meetings to get the strength and courage to learn to take care of yourself.
hugs to all

Hammerhead

Tam... what's important is that you learned from your "falling"... I had to fall off the horse for nearly 6 months :O

Funny the situation keeps presenting its self until we learn.

When our knees and hearts get skinned...it hurts...BUT it IS within our power to stop it... that is the GOOD news!

want2Bfree325

I just wanted to say that it is great that you caught yourself falling into the emotional trap. Everything takes time and so does detaching and learning to put the focus back on us. I can completely empathize with your situation because I have been out of my relationship now (no contact in about a month - well from my end anyway) and yesterday he had his grandmother contact me. I was doing better, even said the day before yesterday how much better I had been feeling and then wham! here was a message to me about how much he cares and how sorry he is for everything that he has put me and the kids through and how he is going to find a way to get a hold of me. Although I told his grandmother to not relay anymore messages from him, I know there will be more eventually and it just hit me kind of hard yesterday. I was really upset over it and was pretty depressed all day but the thing is like you, I recognized my emotions for what they were and did what I needed to take care of myself and not let it detract me from progress. A month ago, I can't say that I would've been able to do that. I came on this forum back in December and kept leaving, going back, leaving, you get the idea....but it was all in all progress bringing to where I am at today. It's seems that you are doing really well for yourself and perhaps not contacting him back when he calls or whatever, would help keep the ball in your court. Good luck to you on your journey, it seems you are definitely taking the steps YOU need to get to a better place. Take care

Hammerhead

You are so right... it's up to us to say NO and after taking the 4 giant steps back...take care of us.... the noise almost always goes into overdrive and the scenery doesn't get any prettier unless WE change it.

Ann

Sometimes it takes practice and I think you did very well in the end.

That same line always stopped my son in his tracks (and still stops telemarketers, lol)..."Sorry, I have no money". What a wonderful phrase

Some other lines to rehearse might be...

"No, perhaps some other time."

"That doesn't work for me"

"I'm sure you will figure something out."

"Gee, that's too bad. I know you'll think of something."

"I need to take time to think about this...I'll let you know."

"I really can't, I need to rest."

It's just so much easier when we have the answers ready.

Good luck, I think you're already back on your horse, so happy trails to you.

Hugs

teke

((((((tam))))))